Girl on a Yellow Bike
by Marauders Chick
Summary: The first day James Potter saw the girl on the yellow bike that summer, the only things he was really thinking about were boredom and cigarettes. He had no idea he was meeting the girl who'd change his life forever. NOW BEING MOVED TO PORTKEY
1. The Girl

Chapter 1: The Girl

It was a hot summer day, and James Potter sat on the front steps of his large and gracious home, wearing a tee shirt and jeans and lazily smoking a cigarette. Inside, his mother was trying to find her maid, who he suspected was having more than the proper amount of fun with the milkman, and his father was trying to get his mother to hold still long enough to say the spell for his tie to knot properly. They were preparing for some fancy dinner party or another, and James really could not have been more bored if he tried.

He scanned the land before him. It was a seemingly endless expanse of land, rich and fertile. It all belonged to his parents, and someday he knew he'd be the sole owner. It had been in the family for years, handed down from the most ancient of his pureblooded ancestors. James tried not to think about it much, and almost as though showing his contempt for it all, he threw his cigarette butt in the grass. Though he pretended to be nonchalant, he made sure that the orange glow that it emitted burned out properly.

"Where the hell is Sirius?" he muttered, looking around him. He hadn't seen Sirius Black, his best friend and very nearly his adoptive brother, all day. Sirius had taken up residence with the Potters at the end of the school year. Being almost seventeen years old, he'd been able to finally run away from his stiflingly cold family, and liked to brag that his name would get the honor of being blasted off the family tree.

"Toujours Pur my ass." he'd said, "What a bunch of crap."

He hadn't always been that way. When James had first met him, he'd been the same sort of puppet child that his younger brother Regulus was now. He'd been saved by James's similar dark humor and violently stubborn opinions on human equality. In his company, along with that of their other best friends Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, Sirius had flourished into a troublemaker and ladies man who made girls swoon with his dark good looks and wicked smile.

"James?" came a voice from the house. Turning around, he spotted his mother, who, in spite of her elegantly arranged hair and elegant plum colored robes, looked harassed and not a little frazzled.

"Darling, are you sure that you don't want to go the party?"

"Yes, Mum." James said. He barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes at the thought. His mother knew he hated going to those things. They consisted of listening to wizarding composers who'd died hundreds of years ago and laughing politely at jokes that weren't funny and more than a little mean spirited.

"It's only, you're getting older, Sweet, and you really _should_ find a- well-"

"Potential mate?" James finished, grinning. Mrs. Potter touched the perfect blond chiffon her hair was tied into, making sure it wasn't falling out, and then turned a wary eye on her son.

"You needn't be so crude about it." she replied, "But yes. It wouldn't hurt to look."

"And what makes you think I'd find what you're wanting for me among those pureblooded, snobby girls?" he asked, "It's not as though I'll find a wife and happiness with one of the Black sisters." He turned away from his mother and began lighting another cigarette.

"Alas, there's no hope of that now." his mother said, "the youngest, Narcissa, was engaged to that Malfoy boy last month, didn't I tell you?"

James turned back to look at her incredulously.

"Isn't she only twelve?"

"Fourteen."

"And he's…"

"Twenty-three."

James took a deep drag on his cigarette, disgusted.

"Is that even legal? _That's_ the sort of thing you want me to be doing?"

She sighed in exasperation.

"I'm not saying you have to marry somebody ten years younger than you, James. But it wouldn't hurt to at least _look _at girls."

"When one worth looking at comes, I'll look." he said sullenly. He turned away and stared off into the endless expanse of land once more. Unexpectedly, his cigarette was snatched from his hand and being crushed under his mother's velvet slipper.

"And it wouldn't hurt to stop using those damned muggle cigaplettes, or whatever they're called. They smell horrid." She checked the bottom of her shoe and groaned.

"Lydia!" James's father stuck his head through the doorway, "Lydia, please, I don't know how that spell goes…"

"Ask one of the house elves!" she cried. "Oh no." she added to herself, taking the slipper off her foot.

"Burned your shoe, have you, Mum?"

"Just my luck. They were new, too."

"Honey, please, I'll look foolish…" his father called weakly.

"Serves your right, taking a man's cigarette." James said.

She cast him a withering glare.

"I wouldn't go so far as to call you a man yet, Jamie." she said, "Now, I've forgotten the spell, so if you remember it, tell me before your father has an episode."

"Try 'redintegro' "

She did, and the burn mark disappeared.

"Thank you, sweetheart." she said, kissing the top of his head, and swept back into the house, saying as she went, "Darling, you really don't need a tie, just wear dress robes…"

James chuckled, and leaned back onto the step behind him. His eyes began to close when he heard something speed by. Thinking it might be Sirius, he opened his eyes, only to see an unfamiliar girl riding by. She was perched upon a yellow device that he could faintly remember from muggle studies as being called a bicycle. Sensing his stare, the girl looked up, and promptly lost control of the bike. With a yelp, she crashed to the ground, her legs twining with the contraption that she'd been riding.

Mildly concerned, James got up and walked over to where she'd fallen. He looked down at her, arms crossed. She was very pretty, slim with long red hair. She wore a purple tie-dyed shirt and cut off shorts, and on her feet were closed toed purple plastic sandals, faintly reminiscent of ones he'd seen muggle children wearing at the beach. She struggled to get into a sitting position, and once she did, she looked up at him expectantly.

"Well?" she asked, her intensely green eyes trying to penetrate his soul.

"Well, what?" he replied, fixing his eyes on her in a way he knew would be just as uncanny.

"Aren't you going to help me?"

"No."

"Why?"

James looked away, and pushed his longish black hair from his eyes. He didn't feel like giving an answer, because in truth he didn't have one. He was taken off guard a moment later when she grabbed his hand and pulled herself up using it.

"Thank you." she said, smiling at him, "I'll pretend that you did help me, anyway." She bent over and stood her bike up.

"Have a nice day, James."

He caught her wrist.

"How do you know my name?" he asked. She turned back to look at him, and this time she looked a little put out.

"You don't know who I am?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow. He shook his head. With eyes like hers, he would have remembered her.

"Lily. Lily Evans." she said, as though trying to convince him, "You don't know who I am?" she repeated. He shook his head again.

"Well…" she bit her lip, "This is a little strange. Here I thought-well-never mind." she smiled at him again, "No matter. Accio." she added. The box of cigarettes in his pocket flew into her hand and she examined it thoroughly.

"You do magic?" he asked, surprised. Most of the people who lived nearby were muggles.

"I'm in your _year_." She said, sounding a little irritated, "I'm a prefect? With one of your good friends, Remus Lupin?" she looked like she was desperately trying to jog his memory, but he kept drawing a blank. Seeing that it wasn't working, she put the cigarettes back gently.

"Don't smoke too many of those, now." she said, "All sorts of little nasties in there." She climbed back on her yellow bicycle and nodded at him.

"Nice to see you, even if you don't remember me." She said lightly, "Tell Remus I said hi." with a nod, she pedaled off, and James stared after her.

"Hey there, mate." came a voice behind him. He turned around once more, and saw Sirius, sitting on the step above him.

"Where have you been?" James cried good naturedly. Sirius wriggled his eyebrows.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he replied devilishly.

"Yeah, actually, so tell me."

"If you _must_ know," Sirius said, sighing dramatically (though it was clear he was enjoying himself), "I was getting- er- better acquainted with your mum's maid."

James felt his jaw drop.

"You were snogging Agnes?"

Sirius grinned.

"Close your mouth." he laughed, "a fly will get in, you remember last time."

James did as he said, and he shot Sirius a dark look.

"That was only _once._ And I was thirteen."

"The best bloody day of my life, always and forever."

"Stop trying to avoid the point. What the hell were you doing with my mum's maid?"

"She looked like she needed some fun, so…"

"I thought she was with the milkman!"

Sirius chuckled to himself.

"She won't be going back to that spotty prat anytime soon, I'll tell you that."

James couldn't help feeling that Sirius had violated some sort of rule.

"You don't even like her, Sirius."

Sirius pouted.

"You don't know that. She could be the bloody love of my life."

"The first time you saw her, you said she had a horrible overbite and a laugh like a chipmunk."

"It's amazing how things change when they're kissing rather than talking." Sirius said thoughtfully, "She's really very attractive, when it comes down to it."

"Sure."

"Shut up and hand me a smoke, will you?"

James complied, if only to keep his mouth shut. Once Sirius had lit the cigarette with a prod of his wand, James asked,

"You wouldn't happen to know a Lily Evans, would you?"

Sirius thought for a moment, then shook his head.

"No." he said, taking the cigarette from his mouth momentarily, "Should I?"

"She just came 'round. It was strange. She said she knew Remus and that she was a prefect."

"Evans, Evans, Evans…" Sirius muttered. "No, I don't know. I tend to avoid authority at all costs, you know that Jimmy." He ruffled James's hair. "Any particular reason you care?"

"No." James lied. "Just asking."

At that moment, James's parents came out.

"Goodbye James, Sirius." Mr. Potter said, smiling kindly at them, "try not to blow up the house again, please?"

"We'll try, Mr. Potter." Sirius said, giving him a charming grin. "And Mrs. Potter, may I say you look lovely…"

"Stuff it Sirius." James said, elbowing him, "that's sick."

"I can't resist when there's such beauty in your family, James. Though I'm not quite sure if it skipped a generation or if you were just some horrible mistake."

Mrs. Potter laughed and kissed both boys on the forehead.

"Be good." she reprimanded, and in a moment, both of them were gone.

"So." James said, after a few minutes of silence, "You never told me you were going to be related to the Malfoys."

Sirius made a gagging noise.

"Don't make me retch, Potter."

* * *

Just a quick note: In case anyone noticed, I edited this chapter a little bit, changing the spell James tells his mother from 'soleus patchinoso' to 'redintegro'. The cheesiness of the first one was killing me so I changed it, but everything else has remained the same :D 


	2. A Letter and Conversations

Chapter 2: A Letter and Conversations

They next day, James sat on his bed, legs curled up to his chest and an expression of horror written plainly on his features. By his side, Sirius patted him sympathetically.

He held in his hands a letter, written in ink that was similar to the letters he'd received from school numerous times before. At the same time, it seemed to him the most unfamiliar and foreign letter that he'd ever received. It read:

**Dear Mr. Potter, **

**We are pleased to inform you that you have been made Head Boy of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for the school year of 1977-1978. **

**On September first, your first duty as Head Boy, along with the Head Girl, is to report to the prefect carriage on the Hogwarts Express and instruct new prefects as to their duties. For the rest of the journey, you will also be expected to patrol the corridors. The privilege of being Head Boy should be taken seriously, and we look forward to a safe and productive school year!**

**Yours Sincerely,**

**Minerva McGonagall,**

_**Deputy Headmistress**_

"I can't believe it, Padfoot." James croaked, "I- What have I done to deserve it?"

"Send it back, Prongs old friend." Sirius replied, looking as though someone he'd loved very much had just died, "They must have made a mistake."

"No." James whispered, "Look, it says my name on it, here…and here…" he pointed to the envelope and letter. "It's not a mistake. Dumbledore's finally lost his marbles."

"Send it back." Sirius repeated, "It's not worth it. Tell them to make Moony do it."

"What if they have Snape do it?"

Severus Snape was also in their year, and a Slytherin prefect. His marks were excellent, and they knew that Snape had a much more authoritive approach to prefect duties than the easygoing Remus. Sirius buried his head in his arms at the thought.

"Either way, it's all over." James said, "Six years of troublemaking, lost with this sick letter."

"It _is_ sick." Sirius agreed, "It's sadistic, it's cruel, it's…" His eyes widened in horror.

"Dumbledore knew he was doing this!" He said, horrified, "He knew, he knew we couldn't- if you were- and he's-"

Sirius's mouth moved wordlessly, his rage too great to be expressed in words.

James flopped back on the bed, and attempted to use one of his crimson pillows to smother himself.

"At least…At least they've made you Quidditch captain too." Sirius sighed, spreading himself out next to James, "Though it's probably a further attempt to distract you from pranking."

"They can't do it." was James's muffled reply. "I won't let the cruel fist of authority do this to me."

"But it already has." came a voice from the doorway, "It's too late to stop it."

James and Sirius craned their necks to see who it was. There stood Remus Lupin, their sandy haired, tall, and skinny friend. If possible, he was looking taller and more underfed than ever.

"Moony!" Sirius called, as James buried his head in the pillow once more, "Here I thought I could hear your sobs of disappointment all the way across England. How the bloody hell are you?"

"Surviving." Remus said, a wide grin spread over his face, "Congratulations on your new position, Potter."

"Sod off, you unfeeling werewolf." James replied, "Show some compassion."

"You'll kill yourself if you keep your head in that pillow, and while that may be your objective, I'd prefer not to witness a suicide while I'm in the room. All that questioning gets _so_ tiresome."

"And he'd know, James, you know he would." Sirius said, looking much more cheerful than he had before. He got up and gave Remus a brotherly hug.

"Haven't seen you all summer, mate." he said. "Been on holiday meeting lovely girls, I hope?"

"Actually, I've been trying to find a job." Remus said. He followed Sirius and sat on the bed next to him. James lifted his head and asked drearily,

"What for? Isn't life depressing enough?"

"It'll take time to find a job that'll accept werewolves." Remus said, smiling tiredly, "And I won't be able to move into a flat, the neighbors would get suspicious. Somehow I have to get the money for a house of my own."

"I'll give you the money." James and Sirius said at the same time. The glanced at each other, and then at Remus expectantly.

"No thank you." Remus said, "I'd prefer to make I myself."

"Don't be a prat, Remus-"

"Sirius, you haven't got money." he said calmly, "You left everything you had when you left your home."

Sirius snorted derisively. He didn't exactly consider the Black household a good "home"

"And as for you, James…" he struggled for a reason why not to accept it, and, not finding one, said, "No. Just no."

Seeing that Remus wouldn't change his mind, James and Sirius went quiet.

"So," James said finally, "how did you get here?"

"My dad was looking for a new job." he said, "something closer to his girlfriend's house."

James and Sirius exchanged looks again. Remus's mother had died the previous year from cancer, and his father had started dating not long afterwards. Remus had never quite forgiven him for it, and in general, they tried to avoid the subject.

"Er- well-" James wracked his brain for a way to change the subject, and seized upon the first one he could think of.

"Do you know who Lily Evans is?"

Remus's face brightened a little.

"Yeah. Why do ask?"

"I didn't know who she was."

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"She's been prefect with me for two years."

"Well, that's what she said." James said uncomfortably, "I never noticed."

"Jamie keeps talking about her." Sirius said, grinning wickedly, "I think he's _enamored_."

"I've talked about her _twice_, Sirius." James replied, irritated. "Just want to know who she is, is all." He turned back to Remus, "She was riding a bicycle by my house yesterday, and she said to say hello to you." He rolled his eyes, "Maybe she's in love with you."

Remus laughed.

"She's been trying to pair me up with a girl in her dormitory since I first met her." He said, "I highly doubt it."

"So, why don't we know who she is?" Sirius asked, flopping backwards on top of James, making him grunt and cough, "Is she really as ugly as all that?"

"No." Remus replied thoughtfully, "She's actually quite good looking. It's probably because she's friends with Severus."

"She's friends with SNIVELLUS?" Sirius cried, bolting up, "Now I _need_ to know who she is! Why haven't we pranked her? Why haven't we dug up blackmail? I want answers, Lupin!"

"She's nice. She keeps to herself, mostly."

"It's an outrage. She's in Gryffindor, and she's associating with the enemy. She must _pay_."

James said nothing, but he felt slightly uncomfortable. Sirius's eyes were blazing with new passion, and if he knew anything about his best friend, Lily Evans would soon regret ever having met James.

* * *

Two days later, after Remus had left and he and Sirius had concluded that his attempts at escaping being Head Boy were hopeless, James was sitting on the front porch. He had carefully made sure that Sirius would be busy that afternoon, and though he pretended to be reading Quidditch Through the Ages, he was keeping an eye out for a certain red haired girl. After an hour or so she came, riding the yellow bike and wearing a green tee shirt and jeans. When she got close enough, he called out to her.

"Hi!" She said, smiling, "It's you again!"

"Yeah," he replied, running a hand through his hair. Abruptly, he asked, "Are you friends with Snivellus?"

"Who?"

"Snape."

"Oh, Severus! Yes, I am. So you do know who I am!" She frowned a little. "Why did you call him Snivellus?"

"Er- It's not important." He said, shaking his head. "Listen, just-"

"I think it is." she interrupted, "I want to know why you called him that." She kicked the kickstand on her bike and let it stand alone. She crossed her arms and looked up at James, who was at least full head taller than her, "He's my best friend, and I don't understand why you talk about him that way."

James didn't like at all the feeling that she was questioning him. He pulled a cigarette out of his back pocket and started to smoke it irritably. She watched him, her nose working hard not to wrinkle.

"You should stop being friends with him." James said finally, throwing the butt on the ground and stomping on it. "You'll be sorry if you don't."

At this, she raised eyebrows and smirked.

"Is that a threat?"

"Not from me!" he said, practically shouting. She took a step back and looked away.

"I'm serious though." he said, talking quieter and making sure Sirius hadn't heard, "You'll understand someday. You just… you shouldn't"

She smiled at him again, though it looked a little more forced.

"Thank you for your concern." She said, her hands slowly reaching for her bike, "I appreciate it, but I'll take my chances with whatever will happen. I've made it for six years."

He watched her kick up the kickstand, climb her bike, and start to ride away, feeling a mixed sense of annoyance and admiration. Surprising himself, he said suddenly,

"Wait!"

This caused Lily to wobble and eventually fall off her bike. James walked up to her, and felt exactly as he had the first day she fell off her bicycle.

"You really are hopeless on that bike." He said.

She looked up at him deliberately, and said,

"Aren't you going to help me up?"

"No."

Instead of reaching for his hand as she had before, Lily pushed herself up.

"What did you want to say, James?"

"Would you- I mean- Did you want to come inside, for a minute or two?"

She looked surprised.

"Alright." She said finally. She followed him in, and asked at the door,

"Where should I put this?" She gestured towards her bike.

He shook his head.

"It doesn't matter. You can just leave it on the porch, if you want."

She did as he said and followed him in. As she did so, she gasped.

The Potters' home, though it looked somewhat large on the outside, was even bigger on the inside. It was grand and almost reminiscent of a palace, decorated with reds and golds, sweeping rugs and marble floors. Mirrors lined the wall of the main hall, where they had entered, and there was a large and formidable glass chandelier. For about a minute she stared, shock written all over her face. Then she ran back outside, and James, confused, went after her.

She was simply staring at the outside of the house, and when she saw him, she pointed.

"It's- on the outside, it looks like a house- but on the inside, it's like-" she ran back inside, and James started to hold back a laugh.

"It's like a palace." she sighed. She stared at him, wide eyed.

"It's lovely." she said to him, regaining her composure after a moment, "It's probably done by a spell, right?"

James couldn't restrain himself anymore. He laughed loudly, and Lily waited for him to finish, her expression serene.

"Better?" she asked when he was done.

"What do you mean?"

"Well- excuse my saying so- But you've been acting rather strange, and I didn't know if it was in your nature. This just proves you are human, after all."

"What? That makes no sense!"

She sighed.

"You'll find sometimes I don't make sense, after all." she smiled at him. "Did you have any more reason for showing me in, or can I assume that you just wanted to further convince me that being friends with Severus is a severe and inexcusable crime?"

He was going to protest but, seeing that she already knew the answer, shook his head.

"Yes, actually, that was about it."

She bobbed her head in reply.

"I thought so. Thank you very much, but I'll be fine. Really."

She turned to leave again.

"Wait!"

"You've been saying that a lot. I had no idea I meant so much to you."

"Funny. No, I was going to say that perhaps you'd- you'd like to come round tomorrow?"

She turned back to face him, the smile that had been on her face even wider. James noticed that she had very small dimples in her cheeks when she smiled that much and wondered, faintly, if it hurt to smile so much.

"Yes, I would. May I ask why?"

"I- I have no idea."

"You're confused a lot as well, Mr. Potter. But I'll come anyway, as I think you could be a decent fellow, once you learn not to smoke, or call people names, and learn that it's nice to help girls when they fall off their bicycles."

"If the girl learned to ride her bicycle, it wouldn't be such a problem." He said, grudgingly.

Lily's laugh seemed to echo in his ears even after she was gone.

* * *

Author's note: Thank you to everybody who reviewed:) 


	3. Best Friends and Victims

Chapter Three: Best Friends and Victims

"Jamie?" a voice called at the door, "Honey, are you awake?"

James, who had been lying on his bed, staring listlessly at the ceiling, looked to the door of his room to see his mother, her long hair out of its usual twist and herself in a simple white nightgown. He didn't reply, but she saw he was awake.

"How are you, dear?" she asked gently. She came to sit on the edge of his bed, and smoothed the hair from his forehead.

"Fine." he said stiffly. He was in one of the moods that often came upon him, late at night. Sirius, who knew all about them, had gone to sleep in the guest bedroom across the hall to avoid him, and that had suited James just fine.

"You look so much like your father." his mother said, smiling, "You get more and more handsome every day."

"Hm."

"I heard that you made Head Boy. And Quidditch captain! I'm so proud of you, darling."

"Who'd you hear that from? Agnes?"

"No-o." She said hesitatingly. Her smile faded and she looked away, beginning to toy with the bedspread. "I fired her."

"Again, Mum?"

"I know you hate how I go through maids. Your father hates it too. But I can't depend on her, that party at the McKinnon's was ever so important, and I was forced to prepare myself."

"So, where did you hear how I was made Head Boy?"

"Sirius told me."

"Ah." James said, looking away from her and diverting his gaze towards the ceiling again.

"You should have told me, James. I would have-"

"Thrown a party? Yes, I know. Did you ever think that I didn't particularly care to draw attention to it?"

"Why ever not? You're the third generation of Potters to make Head Boy, which is a miracle, considering the men in this family's capacity for troublemaking."

"I didn't want it. Didn't Sirius tell you that, too?"

"I could tell that Sirius wasn't pleased, but I thought that he was a bit jealous, to be honest."

James laughed, slightly louder than he'd intended.

"Sirius? Jealous?" He cried skeptically, "Jesus, Mum, he isn't _jealous_! He realizes that all these things, positions of authority, aren't as great as everybody says they are! And he's right!"

His mother stood up quickly and touched a hand to her cheek, as though she'd been slapped. For a moment, she looked hurt. Then, with what looked like a large amount of effort and discipline, she arranged her face into a frown.

"Don't talk to me like that, James." she said seriously, "It's time that you learn to grow up."

"Grow up!" He thundered, jumping up as well, "Grow up! What exactly would you consider growing up? Going to parties, flirting with the first pretty girl with a good name? _Then being unfaithful_? Laughing with men who practically make deals with the devil? Is that growing up? Well? Is it?"

Her face and grown white, and she had begun to tremble.

"Don't you scold me, James Edward Potter. I won't abide it."

"Fine." James replied, backing down and feeling the sleep that had been avoiding him come down suddenly like a wave. He turned away and laid back down on the bed, staring at the opposite wall from the one that held the door.

"Good night, James." His mother said weakly. He could tell she was silently asking him to turn around, but he remained rigid.

"I'll tell your father you said goodnight." She sighed, after realizing he wouldn't budge. "He says goodnight and that he's proud as well, of course."

"Why can't he tell me that himself?" James asked a minute later. Hearing no reply, he craned his neck to see her reaction, and found that she'd already fled. He shrugged, and quickly fell asleep.

* * *

When Lily came the next day, James had already smoked about half a pack of cigarettes while waiting. When she slowed her bike down, she had an expression of extreme pain on her face.

"Please, put those away." she said, pointing to the half empty carton in his hand. "Please. They make me ill."

James looked at her, and found himself more than a little nervous to see that, not only did she look pained, but like she was about to throw up. Realizing that he was in the line of fire, he quickly stowed them in his pocket. Lily sighed in relief.

"Thank you." she said, sliding down to sit next to him.

For a moment or so they sat, saying nothing. James avoided looking at her, though he felt her gaze on him, expectant. He hadn't thought inviting her over this far through, and realized what a dumb idea it was. His mind raced. He tried to think what it was boys and girls did together, but really could only think of a voice in his head that sounded extraordinarily like Sirius chanting_ 'snog snog snog snog and occasionally shag'_ over and over again.

"Did you want to go inside?" Lily asked finally.

"Sure." James said, slightly relieved. It was a simple idea, but he hadn't thought of it at all.

"This house really is lovely." Lily commented as heushered her in, "So bright."

"It's ok."

He lead her through various sweeping halls into a rather large, yet stiff, parlor room, filled with expensive and fragile objects. James wove his way through them expertly to sit on an overstuffed chair, while Lily examined the things on display.

"Don't touch anything." he commented lazily. "Though I doubt my parents would notice, or care for that matter, it would be an awful shame to lose some of them. They're ancient." James said all this with a slightly sarcastic tone, and he was surprised when Lily caught it.

"I sense your overwhelming reverence. I know the rules of a parlor, anyway."

"Did you?"

"My grandmother had a parlor like this when she was alive. They're a bit old though, parlors, aren't they?"

"Not really. Why would you say that?"

"Well, maybe not for wizards, but for muggles…"

"You're not a muggle."

Lily gave him a look, and James felt another pang of stupidity.

"But then, you're muggleborn, aren't you?"

"And proud." she added.

"Well done you." he said dryly. Then he thought of something.

"How are you friends with Sniv- Snape, then? His family hates muggleborns."

"It's a bit of a long story." Lily sighed dramatically. "It's a matter of need, really. It started in first year. He needed a friend, and I needed help with my Defense Against the Dark Arts homework."

"Why would you ask Snape for help? You could've asked anybody- hell, you could've asked me!"

Lily laughed, inspecting a solid gold coo-coo clock as she did so.

"Come of it, you only figured out who I was a few days ago." she said, " Besides, Severus knows all about the subject. We have Defense with the Slytherins. Haven't you seen how passionate he is? It gives me chills. He's a brilliant teacher."

James was disgusted by Lily's gushing.

"Of course he'd know all about it." he said darkly, "His whole family is a load of dark witches and wizards. There hasn't been one who wasn't in Slytherin for centuries."

"Oh, poo. What does that matter?"

"A hell of a lot, actually. And I still don't get how you two are best friends."

"You say the h-word a lot. It's rather unbecoming. And to answer your intended question, I'm not really _his_ best friend. _He's_ just _mine_."

Lily saw his blank look and made an impatient noise.

"He has other friends in Slytherin, and a lot outside of school. His best friend is actually a boy called Karkaroff, who lives in a different country. But Severus is my best friend, because he was the first one I had at Hogwarts- the only one, for a while. That makes him 'best', at least I think so."

"Your logic is the strangest I've ever heard."

"What's this? " she asked, completely changing the subject.

He leaned over to see what she was looking at. Expecting one of the gilded, jewel encrusted, or otherwise expensive looking items, he was surprised to see she was pointing to an old leather ball. It was made of several ancient looking patches of leather, crudely sewn together, and attached to it was a loop of leather. At the sight of it, James got out of his seat and smiled at it fondly.

"It's an ancient quaffle." he said, "Before there were gripping charms, that's what they used. I forgot we had it." His forehead creased in bewilderment. "Why did you ask about it, when you could've asked about any of the other ones?"

"It didn't fit. The rest looked so polished, and this looks so- excuse my saying so, because I can tell you care about it a lot- old."

"My mum wanted to get rid of it." James said, picking it up and stroking it kindly, "But Dad and I are a bit wild over Quidditch, Sirius as well, so she doesn't get rid of it for fear we'll attack her."

"Sirius?"

"Sirius Black- you do know him, don't you?"

Lily waved a hand at him, as though dismissing him.

"Of course I know who he is. What does he have to do with whether or not you keep a quaffle?"

"He's practically lived here since we became friends. Now he actually does live here. Mum bloody adores him. Dad thinks he's alright too."

"Oh, is he here?" Lily asked brightly, "Where is he? Maybe we should go see him…"

"No!" James cried, in spite of himself. Sirius had been sincere when he'd devoted himself to getting Lily, and was in fact upstairs, plotting her demise. Though it was slightly amusing, he was also concerned about Lily's safety. Sirius could get out of control unintentionally, and James was genuinely interested in learning more about her. He wasn't going to let his best friend screw things up.

"Why?"

"Because- he's-" James thought quickly, "he's sick."

"Oh." Lily said, frowning in disbelief, "I thought that there were plenty of good potions that could fix it. Just give him some pepper-up potion, I think it should clear most symptoms up."

"Well- er- I would, you see- except that he's- allergic."

Lily continued to give him the disbelieving look, but after a minute it evaporated.

"Ooooohhhh." she said, coming to a sudden realization, "I get it. There's something that you're not telling me about him. Something that I probably don't want to know anyway?" She smiled comfortingly. "It's quite alright. I understand." She came to stand next to James, who had looked away and started playing with the ancient quaffle.

"It's probably time I leave." she said after a minute, "I think we've fulfilled today's quota of awkward pauses." she laughed uneasily at herself, then stopped.

"Right." she said, "There was another one. If you wouldn't mind showing me out, I have no idea how to get back…"

"What? Oh sure." James said, putting the quaffle back on the pedestal it had been sitting on. He showed her the way out, and after she had one leg over her bicycle, he said,

"I'm really sorry about all this. I don't even know why I invited you."

"I'll take that as an insult to yourself, not me." Lily said lightly. Seeing James's expression as he realized how what he'd said had sounded, she continued to speak.

"Anyways, I quite enjoyed myself, in spite of what you might think of the whole affair. Perhaps I shall come round again soon?"

"How about a week before we go to Diagon Alley for our school stuff?"

"Oh, yes, that's a good idea. I need to go to for some extra things, what with…" she trailed off, lost in thought.

"Lily?"

"Oh, yes." she said, coming out of a reverie. "Well, I'll see you then, James." she climbed the rest of the way onto her bicycle and rode off. As her figure faded, he turned to go back inside.

"Well," a voice from behind him said as soon as he closed the door, "she seems nice."

He turned around, and saw his mother, watching the whole situation amusedly. She had her hair arranged in a precariously high style, and it was evident from her bottle green robes and thick makeup that she was going to another party. He shook his head at her.

"No. I'm not answering any questions about her. That's final, Mum."

"Oh, la, Jamie. I didn't talk to her, did I?"

"…no." James didn't bother to mentioned that, in some strange way, this alarmed him even more than if she had.

"I don't think I've ever seen her before. Out of curiosity, which family is she from?" she asked, trying to make light of a question he knew she was dying to know the answer to.

"None."

"Don't be ridiculous, she must have a family."

"Not one that matters to you." He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. For a second, he stared at it, then put it back. He then resumed conversation as though nothing had happened.

"She's muggleborn, Mum."

"Oh." She said, looking surprised. "Well, it takes all sorts to make up a world, I suppose." She smiled in an almost uncomfortable way, then turned to leave.

James wondered, somewhat sickened, when his mother had ever become such a victim to society.

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you so much to everybody who read and reviewed! Hopefully the next chapter should be out soon- I wrote almost half of it already. Ciao! 


	4. A Yellow Dress and Cooking Lessons

Chapter 4: A Yellow Dress and Cooking Lessons

"So how will we do it, Prongs?"

"What?"

"Get Evans."

James groaned. For the past week, Sirius had been able to do nothing other than talk about how he was going to get at Lily for, as he put it, "being a disgrace to the Gryffindor name." James was beginning to suspect that it was boredom and a ploy to prove to himself that James wasn't a proper candidate for Head Boy.

"Why? Just drop it Pads. She didn't do anything."

Sirius, who had been leaning over a mysterious looking bit of paper, looked up at him very slowly.

"Doth mine ears deceive me?" he asked, an expression of disbelief on his face, "Or did a _Moonyism_ come out of your mouth?"

"A- a what?"

"Damn it, James, you're turning into Lupin. You never cared who you pranked. Come on! If you're afraid of damaging your _precious _Head Boy position, I swear I'll pin all the blame on myself."

James leaned over his shoulder. On the piece of paper, he saw several pranking plots, including slime balloons, colored hair, and incriminating signs on the victim's backs.

"Horrid." James commented, shaking his head. "Absolutely bloody horrible. These are the oldest, most unimaginative things I've ever seen. I wouldn't touch these with a squealing Slytherin first year."

"Oughtn't be touching a Slytherin at all, they've got more germs than you can imagine." Sirius muttered to himself. To James he said, "Well, I'm hopeless James. You know that. Helllpppp Meeeee."

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing, because I do." James said, scowling. "You're so predictable."

Sirius simply pouted and gave James a wide eyed stare. James grimaced.

"Something wrong with your face?" he asked.

"Come off it, James." he said, imitating James's scowl, "You aren't so big as you think you are. I won't _hurt_ her. I know you're bloody in love with her, and I've got some really good plans, I really have."

"I doubt it." James muttered. However, he sat down and looked at what Sirius's real plans were, enthusiasm starting to grow and forgetting, for the time, both his duties and who they were specifically plotting against.

* * *

With Sirius's religious plotting on her behalf, James was surprised at how easy it was to get him out of the way when Lily came. James had conveniently lost some much needed joke supplies, and Sirius had dissapparated over to Diagon Alley that afternoon to get some. Though it was only a week until they were to go again, Sirius had done exactly what James had expected him to.

"A week without our supplies?" he'd cried in horror, "Troops without weapons! Criminals without lawyers! _The queen without her knickers!_"

James had been so disturbed by this last analogy that he'd willingly allowed Sirius to eat the rest of his lunch. This, he had felt, was intentional, and considered the sabotage to his appetite highly offensive.

Lily came at a quarter to two, and James blinked in disbelief at the bright yellow sun dress she was wearing. It hurt his eyes to look at it, and he instantly started blinking back tears from its brightness, which reflected the unusually sunny day. She laughed when she saw his face.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing, nothing." James said quickly, avoiding looking at the dress. She watched him for a minute, then set the bike down on the porch.

"You hate it, don't you?" she sighed.

"Hate….what?"

"My hair. It's horribly done."

Her hair, which he'd barely noticed due to the yellow abomination she was wearing, was done up in daisy clips and pinned with a larger clip in the back.

"It's fine." he said weakly.

"Well there's something amiss." she said, watching him again. "Honestly, tell me."

"No-it's not-"

"Tell me, Potter!"

"What the hell are you wearing?" he exploded finally, "It makes you look like a school bus or a highlighter. What were you thinking when you wore that?"

She burst out laughing.

"Thank you!" she said brightly, whipping out her wand. She pointed it at herself, said a spell under her breath, and instantly her dress became much darker with a more golden hue.

"No, thank God." James said, wiping tears that had begun dripping down his face. "Jesus, what the hell was that?"

"It was a test." She said.

"A- a test?"

"Yes, a test. You see, when I last came, I got the impression that you hold things inside a lot. I just wanted to know if you were like that for all things, like opinions. That can be quite dangerous, you know."

James stared for a long minute at her. Then he said, slowly, in case she really was crazy,

"How did you survive six years around _Snape_?"

"He doesn't have the same problems you do, so I don't have to act like that for him. If he abhors something, or feels the urge to comment on something, he does exactly what he likes. Besides, I've learned from past experience that muted tones are best with him."

"Past experience, huh?"

"Yes. Shall we go inside?"

"No." James said quickly. He knew for a fact that his mother was entertaining guests in the parlor, and he could only imagine what she'd say. 'This is James's friend. Not his girlfriend of course. She's muggleborn, aren't you dear? It's quite alright, we know you can't help your lineage…' He almost shivered at the thought.

"Well then…" she seemed to be thinking, then smiled, and hit her head in realization.

"Of course, I should invite you to where I'm staying." she said, smiling. "If you'd like, you can meet my mum, she's off work. Petty might be, too."

"Your mum? _Petty?_" James asked, his voice going up by at least an octave or two. Something Sirius had once said ran through his brain: 'Never, ever visit a girl's mum unless you're either marrying her or you've gotten her pregnant. Sometimes both.' James hadn't bothered to ask how Sirius had known this, as he generally accepted everything he said about girls to be true.

"Petty's name is actually Petunia." she added, "And she's my sister. Don't worry about meeting them. They're nice, I promise."

"They won't think that you and I are- that we're-"

"Dating?" Lily finished, "Oh, no. They always tell me to bring Severus around, and they _know_ I'm not dating him." she laughed a little. "That would be sort of funny, though. Me, bringing a boyfriend home."

"Why?"

"It's an idiotic ritual. Something completely invented by some form of media in order to create hostility and fear between boyfriends and possible in-laws."

"I see."

"I suppose we could dissaparate." she continued, "I could just hold on really tight to the bike and… Listen, get in your mind a picture of an off-white house with blue curtains and a silver car. I'll hold your hand, and I think it should be enough to- what is it?"

James had taken an involuntary step back while she'd been talking.

"What is it? Is it the- oh. It's the hand holding." she strode up to him, very close, and gazed right up at him. She searched his eyes and then looked away, clicking her tongue disapprovingly.

"Obviously you have more problems than I first thought. I will let you in on a secret, James. One that most men never hear in their lives." She took his hands in hers. "The secret is: You don't always have to _be_ stereotypically male. Holding hands and hugging are normal. Crying is not bad. And pink is ok. Pink is not a girl color. It is a fusion of red and white that is very becoming to dark features, and would in fact go very nicely with your dark hair and tanned skin."

James looked down at her hands, trapping his, and felt just as uncomfortable as before he had learned of this "secret". Apparently, Lily could tell, because she looked extremely disappointed.

"Just hold my hand and trust me." she said. She kept hold of one of his hands, and with her free hand she withdrew her wand from a large pocket in her dress. She tucked the bike close to her with her elbow, closed her eyes, and with a jolt, James found himself whipping past land at an abnormal speed. Before he even had a moment, he was in the exact same position as he had been before, except he was now in front of the white house Lily had described. He looked all around, and realized that they were in a town not too far from his house. In fact, he could just see the dark spot of his slate roof downhill.

"Why do you take a bike?" he asked, following Lily as she wheeled said bike to the side of the house, "I mean, obviously you can dissaparate."

"I like it." she replied, putting the kickstand down and sticking her wand in her pocket. "It reminds me of before I found out I was a witch."

"I can't imagine not knowing I was a wizard." James said, realizing he'd never thought of it before. It frightened him a little, just the thought of not having magic.

"It was simpler then." she said. "It's a bit hard to remember…certainly less conveniences, but you didn't have to worry about dark wizards. They were a matter of imagination." She seemed to be far away, her eyes misted over and her gaze unfocused. Then she shook her head and smiled at him.

"Imagine my disappointment when I realized all my primary school lessons were for naught." Seeing his blank look, she added, "It's muggle school."

"When do muggles go to school?"

"As soon as their parents get tired of them."

"I suppose my parents would have sent me straight off. Well, never mind. My mum would still have me at home."

Lily laughed, then pulled some keys out of her pocket. She unlocked the door, then paused, glancing at James.

"That's another thing that's different when you know about the wizarding world." she said, "You realize that locks are worthless."

He said nothing and tracked in after her.

"Lily? Is that you?" A red haired woman came out, her hair askew and wearing jeans and a work shirt, covered with a giant red apron. "Your father's going to be home early, so we really need to get a start on supper-" she stopped, spotting James. "Hello." she said, smiling. "How are you?"

"Mum, this is James." Lily said, gesturing towards James. "James, this is my mum."

"Nice to meet you." James said, feeling slightly self conscious. Lily's mother walked up to him and shook his hand firmly.

"He lives in the giant house down at the bottom of the hill." Lily added. Her mother's face brightened with recognition.

"I remember you now." her mother said, her grin widening and resembling Lily's greatly. "Well, it's nice to meet you, as I said. I'm Anna, by the way. We just moved here, I'm sure you wondered why you'd never seen Lily around before."

James turned red and stared at his feet. He hadn't really thought of it, and wondered if Lily's mother had any idea that he hadn't even known her daughter's name a few weeks before.

If Lily was thinking along the same lines, she didn't show it.

"I'd like to introduce you to Petty." she said, glancing around, "Mum, where is she?"

"She's with some new boyfriend or other." Anna replied, rolling her eyes. Lily mirrored her look.

"Well, I suppose we really _do_ have to start on dinner, then." she turned to James, "Petty's the best cook, we're hopeless without her."

"Speak for yourself, dear." Anna said, glancing back at the kitchen, as though she'd left something in the oven that she was afraid would burn. "I need to go. Lily, come up soon. James, feel free to join us." She dashed back into the kitchen, not waiting for a reply. Lily looked at James expectantly.

"Can you cook?" she asked bluntly.

"I've never….I mean, I don't know whether…."

"You mean you've never even tried?" she asked, her eyes widening. She gripped his wrist and pulled him behind her. "You can't be serious, I don't care if you've a house elf who does it for you, you _must_ learn."

"Er- alright."

She soon set him to work, chopping onions. He never imagined that he would be taking orders from a girl, least of all cooking, and he was surprised to find how easily she bossed him around. He was just starting to realize that it was not unlike Potions class when his eyes began to tear up.

"What- what's happening?" he gasped, stepping away from the chopping board he'd been standing at. He wiped the tears from his eyes and cried out even more.

Lily's laughter shocked him.

"What the hell is going on, Evans?" he cried angrily, "Make it stop!"

"Calm down, James." she said, pulling his hands from his eyes, "It's the onion. It makes your eyes water. Now- no, stop, _stop_, you're making it worse." James found it hard to be convinced of her sincerity, especially because she giggled between every other word. He hoped for some help from her mother, but Anna continued cooking, hiding a smile and shaking her head.

"I've cried more in a day with you than I have in years." he grumbled. Lily nodded sagely, bringing a wet cloth she had gotten to his eyes. He sighed in relief.

"That was the point, didn't you know?" she said jokingly, "Look how open you're becoming!"

"To hell with that." he said, eyes still smarting.

"Watch your mouth." Anna said, pointing a large and extremely menacing knife at him. "I like to keep my kitchen clean, and I won't have you dirtying it with your mouth."

"Sorry." he mumbled. Meekly, he cut the other vegetables that Lily assigned for him. Before too long had passed, they had a full meal prepared. Chicken, salad, and a bowl of pudding were neatly arranged on the table. Lily patted James on the shoulder and sighed contentedly.

"Wasn't that fun?" she asked sweetly.

"Wasn't bad." he said. In reality, he had enjoyed it more than he cared to admit. Though he knew a meal of better quality could easily be made with the flick of a wand, he enjoyed the feeling of making something with his own hands.

"Did you want to stay for dinner too, James?" Anna asked, "Petunia and my husband will be home soon, and I'm sure they'd love to meet you."

James was about to agree when he saw the clock on the wall. It said a quarter to six. Sirius would have arrived home already, and would be looking for him. "Sh….oot." he said, seeing Lily's mother's pointed look. "I can't. I have to do something at home."

It was a weak excuse, but it worked. Lily showed him to the door, then leaned against the doorframe.

"Thank you for your help." she said, "Really. I know Severus never would have…"

"I'm not Snape." he said firmly.

"It doesn't make you better." she reprimanded.

"Hm." he said, knowing full well his feeling of superiority showed in his voice.

"Accio cigarettes." she said calmly. Instantly, the carton flew into her hand. James reached for the now empty pocket automatically, then looked up at her. She pulled one out and inspected it interestedly. He flushed, feeling as though she was trying to prove that he indeed was just as much in the wrong.

"Don't." James said strongly. He took it from her hand and jammed it into the box, the cigarette bending under his grip.

"I wasn't going to." Lily replied. "But it still eludes me as to why you would."

"Why do you make such a big deal out of them?" he asked impatiently. He took the box from her hand and stuffed it from her pocket. "How can you survive in this country when everybody uses them? And worse things?"

She ignored his question.

"You should stay for supper someday." she said. "School will be starting, so perhaps Christmas holiday?"

"Maybe." he growled. "I have to go."

"Ok." she said faintly. He pulled his wand out of his pocket and disapparated. Just before he disappeared, he thought Lily might have called out to him, but he told himself it was just his imagination.

* * *

Wow. I love you reviewers . Seriously, you guys ROCK. I really should have put up the next chapter of The Lady and the Lion, but oh man, this storyis fun to write! And a quick note to czarina-kathryn- don't worry about it (and don't be so mean to yourself!). Why would I be offended? And out of curiosity, what story were you meaning to review? It sounds like you really like it.


	5. A Broomstick and Snivellus

Chapter 5: A Broomstick and Snivellus

James smiled.

Before him, in the window of the Quidditch supply shop, was a brand new broomstick. More beautiful than any he'd ever seen, he wanted it more than he'd ever wanted anything in his life.

He touched the glass longingly and once more reread the card detailing the attributes of the broom, the Nimbus 1500. His hands itched for it, and he could barely keep from pressing his nose against the glass like the many eleven- and twelve-year-olds that surrounded him and joined in his admiration.

A hand at his back made him jump, and he quickly whirled around, wand already drawn. There stood Sirius, wearing the plum colored cloak he'd insisted on wearing that day. He let out a barking laugh, and James lowered his wand.

"One of these days, I'll get you." he muttered.

"Sure." Sirius said, "I'd like to see you try." James was just about to suggest that he would do just that when Sirius caught sight of the broom.

"Bloody hell." he breathed, "_That_'s a broom."

"Well spotted." James said dryly.

"Come on, let's ask how much it is."

"Too much. My parents have tightened my spending money."

Sirius dismissed him with an airy gesture.

"We'll just pop in and take a look."

Sirius was already stepping into the store, so James reluctantly followed him.

Once inside, Sirius went up to the balding man at the counter, who was polishing a display of snitches.

"Hello, my good man." Sirius said to him, "I want to inquire about that fine broomstick in your window."

"Ah, that one's a beauty, in'it?" the man (who's tag said his name was Albert) said. "Nimbus 1500, they've outdone themselves this time. Completely revolutionized the broomstick, those men have."

"I quite agree. Could you tell me how much they are?"

"100 galleons apiece, young man." At this, Albert looked a little mournful, "If I made a few more galleons at this job, I'd buy it meself, but it does cost to get the best."

Sirius looked thoughtful, while James stared at Albert with wide eyes.

"That's a small fortune." he gasped. He rounded on Sirius. "Come on, Sirius, there's no way in hell my parents will let me spend that kind of money."

"I know." Sirius said, and his face took on an expression of resolve. He took a step closer to the counter and withdrew a large bag from the cloak he wore. He plunked it on the counter and grinned.

"Give me two. I think you'll find everything in order." he said. "And I expect to receive fifty galleons back, mind you. I know exactly how much is in there."

Albert tried his best not to look surprised as he began counting the money with his wand, but James didn't bother to hide his shock.

"Bloody hell." he whispered, "Sirius did you- did you kill somebody?" He noted Sirius's pleased expression with growing concern.

"Jamie, Prongsie, who do you think I am?"

"You."

"Right." Sirius dusted a speck off his cloak and watched with false concentration as Albert continued his counting. James knew he was waiting for him to ask how he'd gotten the money.

"How did you get it?"

Sirius looked as though he'd been waiting forever for James to ask. "Uncle Alphard."

"Who?"

"My uncle, Uncle Alphard. He died."

James wasn't sure if he should be offering his congratulations or condolences. Therefore, he settled for a vague "hmm."

"He left me all his money, the good chap." Sirius said, dashing tears of joy from his eyes, "Never properly gave him credit, but he came through for me…almost makes me regret the time I kidnapped his kneazle and threw him to the giant squid."

"Done!" cried Albert triumphantly. He returned fifty galleons, then came out from behind the counter and went into the storeroom. He emerged a moment later, gingerly carrying two broomsticks wrapped in brown paper.

"You're a good man, Albert." Sirius said, winking at him. He lifted the brooms to rest on his shoulder and walked out of the store, still managing to look completely at ease. James hastened after him.

"Sirius, what the hell?" James whispered to him, ignoring how people were staring, "Even if your uncle did leave you money, you can't just-"

"Look, James, do you want the broom or not? I'll give it back if it bothers you that much. No good if you don't want it." Sirius's expression had darkened considerably, and James knew his best friend well enough not to argue any more.

"I want it." he said, grinning as the realization of owning the broomstick fully hit him. Sirius's face brightened, and he shrugged off one of the brooms, leaving James to make a grab not unlike one he'd use in Quidditch to keep it from hitting the ground.

"Good." Sirius said as James imitated his carrying method, "It was bothering my shoulder."

James rolled his eyes.

"Listen," Sirius continued, "how about we dump all this in our room and look for Moony, eh? No use looking for Wormtail, he'll manage to show up sooner or later. Probably the only real talent I've ever seen out of him."

"I'm surprised you're not-" James stopped. He'd been about to say 'looking for your brother'. Normally they'd help Regulus with his school shopping on Mrs. Black's strict instruction (no matter how reluctant the two brothers were to actually do so), but obviously that wouldn't happen this year. He glanced at Sirius, who hadn't seemed to notice and sighed. He had been stepping on eggshells with him lately, even more so than usual.

"What? Surprised I'm not what?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"It's _nothing_."

Sirius didn't have time to protest, because at that moment he was ambushed.

"Argh!"

James laughed at the sight. Sirius's broom had dropped to the ground as a girl with brown hair had launched herself at him and was clinging to him with her legs wrapped around his waist and arms draped over his neck.

"Sirius!" a voice squealed into his ear.

"Which one is this, Sirius?" James laughed.

"Dunno." Sirius grunted darkly. "Oy, you- yes, you, off for a moment, let's get a look at you."

The girl reluctantly let go of him, and James could see that it was Dorcas Meadowes, a fifth year girl who was in Ravenclaw and, if he remembered correctly, was a decent keeper on their Quidditch team. She herself was not what he would consider attractive, but she was by no means ugly.

"Sirius, I'm so glad to see you, I thought that I wouldn't be able to until school started." she said breathlessly.

Sirius rubbed the back of his neck and threw Prongs a discreet look that had become their signal for _'Help me' _. James, however, was curious, and therefore chose not to notice.

"And I'm so sorry, I know I owled you, but I really wasn't able to respond to the one you sent me at the beginning of August, my family and I went on holiday to Egypt at the end of July, and we've only just gotten back, and well- I hope you'll forgive me." She flushed bright red, probably realizing that she was gushing.

"No, er- it's okay. _Really._" Sirius gave the signal again, this time glancing at James's broomstick pointedly as though to say _'I can still take it back.'_ It was then that James chose to intervene.

"Hey, Dorcas." James said, "It's lovely to see you again."

Dorcas raised her eyebrows. James had teased her rather mercilessly in the past, and while she may have forgotten any qualms she had about Sirius, such graces had apparently not been extended to him.

"_Really_." she said suspiciously, "Is that so?"

"Er- yes." he said, wondering why the _hell_ he did these things for Sirius, "In fact, it's- oh, shit Sirius, look, there's Lupin."

Sirius grinned at James appreciatively.

"Right. Sorry, love, but Lupin's a bit of a testy fellow, and-"

"Oh, I know Remus." Dorcas said, smiling brightly, "I'm a prefect this year, so I need to speak with him anyway."

Sirius's smile evaporated. Seeing this, James quickly cut in,

"But surely, you want to speak to the Head Boy?" He was thinking quickly, and Sirius was looking at him as though he'd gone off his rocker.

"Yes." Dorcas said, lifting her chin, "That's why I'm going with you to speak to Remus."

"But Remus isn't Head Boy."

Dorcas was visibly shocked.

"Well- well then who _is_?"

"No idea." James said smoothly, relieved that things were going as he'd hoped, "Your guess is as good as mine. Better, in fact. But now we really need to-"

"What? Oh yes, yes." Dorcas seemed to be in a daze, and James guessed that she was going through every other eligible candidate there could be for the position. A smug smile growing on his face, he strolled away.

"How did you- where the hell did that come from?" Sirius hissed at him incredulously after he'd picked up his broom and scampered after him.

"Simple." James said breezily, "I'm the one person in the world who she _won't_ expect to get it."

"See, I knew there must be something I liked about you."

"I wish I could say the same for you." James retorted, "Honestly, _Dorcas Meadowes_?"

"I was lonely. _Very_ lonely."

"I had no idea you resorted to cradle robbing."

"I hardly call snogging a girl two years my junior cradle robbing."

"And you wrote to her?"

"Whatever things have been said among my acquaintances and rivals, 'Sirius Black is cold-hearted' is not one of them, Prongs."

"But 'Sirius Black is a lying, cheating bastard' _is_."

Sirius laughed.

"You're jealous."

James scoffed.

"Sure I am."

It was then that they did spot Remus, sitting outside the Leaky Cauldron and reading a book.

"Moony!"

After having put away and explained the broomsticks and laughed about Dorcas, the three boys headed to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor. James and Sirius had just finished placing bets on how long it would take for Peter to catch up with them and they had just received their ice cream when Snape appeared, brooding and looking like the bright weather did not at all agree with him.

"This is what I love, mates." Sirius said loudly, "The taste of ice cream and the fresh new opportunities to spend time with Snivellus. Hey there, Snivelly!"

Snape, who had been slightly hunched over and squinting his eyes, looked up at Sirius with a scowl.

"Well if it isn't Black, Potty, and Lupin." His gaze rested on Remus a moment longer, calculating. "Glad to see we've all grown up, hm?"

"All that's grown is your nose. Honestly Snivelly, you must be doing _something_ to it, it's absolutely huge." As Sirius said this, James looked at the aforementioned nose and realized that it was indeed larger, due to a swelling bruise that was coloring his otherwise pallid face. Though he'd heard things about Snape senior, he ignored the queasy feeling in his stomach and told himself that Snivellus had probably hit the giant thing on a door.

Snape sneered.

"Say what you like, but I'd be careful. Especially when you yourself have such _secrets_ on your conscience. " His gaze rested on Remus once more. Remus turned green as Sirius turned scarlet. Snape, at the end of sixth year, had become increasingly bothersome in his questions of Remus's whereabouts during the full moon- so much, in fact, that they had all begun to worry that he knew the truth about Remus's condition.

"Shut it, or I'll be forced to hex you, Snivelly."

"Is that supposed to scare me?" Snape asked darkly. Sirius was about to reply when someone appeared at Snape's elbow. James's stomach became even more nauseous when he saw that it was Lily.

"Severus, what are you doing?" she asked brightly. She followed his stare and James looked down when she started to watch them as well. He continued to watch from the corner of his eye, and saw that for a moment she was going to say something to him, then shook her head and said quietly,

"Come on, Severus. It's too early for ice cream, and I have to get some Head Girl stuff anyway."

Severus scowled at her, but he complied. After they'd wandered away, Sirius shook his head.

"Damn." he said, "And I'd so missed hexing Snivelly. And who was that girl who was with him? Was that-" his eyes widened, "-was that Lily Evans?"

"Yes." Remus said, not realizing Sirius's newfound obsession with her.

"I've never seen her." Sirius said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "But this- this is _brilliant_."

"Why?"

"Because Prongs is Head Boy, and if she's Head Girl, then it'll make everything so much simpler."

"What?"

Sirius, lost in thought, did not answer Remus's question.

"James, what is he talking about? James?"

James wasn't listening. It had hit him, heavier than the knowledge that he owned a new broomstick, what this would mean. While James was a prankster, he knew that what Sirius was planning was wrong. Especially after having gone to her _house _and met her _mother_…

"James!"

"What?" James shook himself out of his reverie, the queasiness in his stomach having reached its worst point.

"Your ice cream's melting."

"Bugger."

Cleaning up the dripping mess with a flick of his wand, James decided that since meeting Lily Evans, things in his life had gone from bad to worse.

Something needed to be done about it.

* * *

Hey guys! I am so thrilled with all the reviews I got- thank you so much! I'm sorry that this update has taken so long, and hopefully soon I'll be updating this and The Lady and the Lion at a faster pace.

Just one quick thing- It's possible that this story may move to a different server soon. I'm not quite sure yet, but I promise that I'll let you know, either in my author's note of one of the next few chapters or my profile.


	6. A Meeting and a Note

Chapter 6: A Meeting and a Note

James collapsed in a seat in the Prefect compartment miserably. He was the first one there, which was so out of character for him that he felt quite disgruntled. It had all been at Sirius's urging; "Give you some time to get to know Lily better, eh?" he'd said. James hoped that she would be the last person in, or at least not the first.

Luck failed him however, because as soon as he got comfortable in his seat, Lily showed up, looking a bit disheveled.

"Well, that was odd." she said pleasantly, "It would seem that I was being chased by a runaway trunk."

James had to blink a few times to make sure he was seeing right, because as she spoke he was watching a trunk whiz off of its own accord. He had a sneaking suspicion that he'd seen Sirius's name engraved in the side. The burn mark where the Black family coat of arms used to be was almost unmistakable.

"Er- that's funny." James dimly.

"Nice to see you again." she said, "Though I should tell you you're not supposed to be in here."

"Oh. Er-" He didn't know quite what to say. He felt that she was right and that he should leave at once. "Well, you see, I'm Head Boy." He winced; that sounded a lot like a Moonyism, as Sirius would call it.

Lily's eyebrows shot up.

"Really?"

"Er- yes."

"And here I thought Severus had gotten it and was too modest to tell me. Hm."

"Snivellus? Modest?" James laughed, "If he had gotten it, he'd be letting everyone know it. Gryffindor would have already lost all of our House Points by now."

"Don't call him Snivellus." For the first time since he'd met her, Lily looked upset. James shrugged, which seemed to make her even more annoyed.

"You're Head Boy now," she said sharply, "and you can't- you won't abuse it. I won't have it."

"What are you-"

"You can't use your power as Head Boy to take points off of Slytherin and to torture them. You have a responsibility. _We_ do. Do you have any idea how vast a concept it is? We're, in essence, adults now." She gave him a hard look and James felt a knot in his stomach at thinking about being an adult. He pushed it out of his mind and put on a grin.

"Yeah, right. I don't even want this job. It's just something Dumbledore gave to me." He examined his nails and pretended to be as flippant as he sounded. Lily's stare bore into him.

"Well then, why don't you resign?"

"And let Snivellus have it? I'd have to be crazy to do that, Evans." He could feel Lily flinch at addressing her by her surname. What he didn't expect was the back of her hand on his forehead.

"Are you feeling alright?" she asked concernedly.

"I'm fine." He swatted her hand away and crossed his arms.

"Why are you getting so defensive?"

"I'm not defensive."

"Yes, you are."

"No I'm not!"

"What are you doing right now? Defending."

"I'm not- look, what else am I supposed to say when you accuse me of being defensive?"

"Admit that you are being defensive."

"So what if I am?"

"It means you're hiding something. Something's happened." She put a finger to her lips and looked him over appraisingly.

"Um-excuse me?" Dorcas Meadowes had popped her head in, and James had never been more happy to see her. "Were all the Prefects supposed to meet in here now?"

"Yes." he said, so relieved that he decided to act like a proper Head Boy for the time being, "You're the first Prefect here, and once the others get here, we'll start."

After that, he let Lily handle everything, his eyes glazing over and slowly fell asleep as the meeting began. He was only jolted to attention once, when an eerie silence fell and he realized she had asked him a question. He looked around nervously and his gaze rested on Remus, who he hadn't noticed when he came in, and was now mouthing the words "say no".

"Er-no."

Lily looked away, seeming disappointed and slightly agitated, and continued with whatever she was saying. James nodded his thanks to Remus and drifted back into his stupor.

"James."

He woke up, not realizing that he'd actually fallen asleep. His vision was blurry, and he saw that the person standing above him who's voice was Sirius's, was dangling glasses shaped objects over his face.

"I would say that that's Sirius," James said, "but I know that my best mate isn't so much of a git that he'd steal my glasses."

"Didn't steal them." the person said, dropping the glasses on his face, "Only inspecting them. Dirt and all that. Train rides can be messy business."

James put his glasses on and saw that it was indeed Sirius, arms crossed and a smirk playing on his lips.

"Where is everyone?"

Sirius pretended to look out the compartment door.

"Patrolling corridors, I should think. Your movement to break away from that sort of nonsense is inspiring."

James laughed hollowly. He remembered what Lily had said about responsibility and stood up.

"Maybe I should too." he said offhandedly, "Don't want Evans snapping at me or anything."

Sirius shook his head.

"Little bitch. Did you talk to her?"

"About what?"

"About what?" Sirius repeated incredulously, "I chased her with a bloody flying trunk to get her here! The least you could do is think of something to talk about! Do you know which she hates more, spiders or rats? Or is she one of those oddballs who loves all animals and doesn't wear a bra?"

"Er- I'm pretty sure she wears a bra. Not to say that I've been looking."

Sirius gave him an odd look.

"Either you're much stupider when you wake up than I thought or you're ill. Get out of my sight, Potter. You disgust me."

"Likewise, Black." They gave each other matching grins and James left to patrol corridors. He wasn't surprised that Lily was quick to find and catch up with him. She walked alongside him in silence, and then,

"Glad to see you've woken up from your nap."

"Hm."

"Perhaps we should continue our conversation from earlier?"

"I'd prefer it if we didn't."

"Touchy."

"Hm."

"Since you're feeling so articulate, would you at least tell me why you've been treating me so oddly today?"

"I'm not."

"We're not getting anywhere with this."

"Do you need to get anywhere with it? What happens with me is none of your concern. I didn't ask for you to come prying in my business."

Lily bit her lip. James looked away.

"It's- don't go near Snape. Just trust me, you don't want to."

"So that's what this is about. Again."

"I'm trying to help you here, alright?"

"If you were really trying to help me then you would tell me why you keep warning me over and over again, tell me what's really going on. Better yet, you could tell Sirius to stop whatever he's playing at."

Seeing his look of surprise, she smiled grimly at him.

"Don't think I don't know he's involved. I know you James. You don't do something without the other one being involved, and if I had to guess, he's the one behind whatever you're talking about."

James flushed at her uncanny accuracy.

"You don't me and you know what you're dealing with." he fumed, "Even if you never saw Sirius again in your life, you'd still get in trouble by being friends with Snape. He's no good, and he'll turn on you if it means getting in good with the other Purebloods."

"Is that so?" Lily asked angrily, "Prove it."

"I don't have to."

"I think I have sufficiently more proof of his redeeming qualities than you do of his bad ones."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

Lily planted her hands on her hips.

"This conversation, as you said before, is going nowhere, especially when you insist that I don't know anything. You can either clarify your meaning or I'll be forced to extricate it from you myself."

"And how do you plan on doing that?"

Lily smiled.

"I have my ways."

"Somehow I doubt that."

"I know more than you think. For example, I certainly won't be surprised when you make an attempt to prank me. Don't even bother trying to look shocked that I know, I'm not an idiot."

James did as she said and didn't look surprised. Rather, he looked away.

"Pranking doesn't scare me." she continued.

"Then you don't know its full potential." James muttered.

"Don't get sullen on me, James Potter."

"I have to go." he said, shaking his head. He knew that he was messing things up- he'd been close to getting rid of her completely, but he'd made the mistake of warning her again- and he could tell from the chummy way she was talking to him that he wouldn't be able to shake her off now.

"Say something. Please."

"I have nothing to say." he said honestly. Then he walked away, and she didn't follow him.

* * *

"She knows." James told Sirius at dinner. Sirius took a nonchalant sip of pumpkin juice, then cocked his eyebrow.

"Knows what?"

"That you're planning on doing something."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair.

"Firstly, I notice that you refer to it as something that I alone am doing. As I recall, you were planning on helping me. And, on another note, it's to be expected that she expects something. The trick of a great prank is we have to get her when she least expects it. Or something like that." He shook his head dazedly.

"If you don't mind me asking," Remus interrupted, "I wouldn't mind knowing what you're talking about. Peter probably wouldn't, either." Peter nodded.

"I ought to only tell Wormtail." Sirius said, his expression clouding, "He's the only one of you sorry blokes who'll help me." Peter seemed pleased with this favoritism, and thus chose that moment to speak.

"Thanks Sirius. Getting some Slytherins, are we?" James almost missed it, but he thought he saw something strange stir in Peter's eyes when he said that. It passed in an instant, however, so he ignored it.

"No. Even better. We're getting the Head Girl."

"Oh, you're still going on about that, are you?" Remus asked, losing interest at once. "Well, I can't say I approve, but what else is new, hm?" He turned back to the book he'd propped up on the table. James watched him read jealously. He wished it were so easy to get out of some of the things that Sirius roped him into doing.

"Oh, that's brilliant, Sirius! Sounds really wicked." Peter's enthusiasm had certainly increased, and he began voicing Sirius's praises to an extent that James turned to him and said disgustedly,

"Why don't you shut it, Wormtail?"

Peter did abruptly, giving James a look that held both hurt and something tiny and smoldering that looked misplaced in Peter's pudding-like face.

"You alright?" James asked suddenly.

"What?" His expression evaporated at once, replaced with confusion.

Sirius kicked James and said, "I think there's something wrong with James. What the hell is happening with you?" He turned to Remus and Peter, "Ever since he got that Head Boy letter he's been odd. Funny in the head, if you know what I mean."

"Why don't you discuss this when I'm not here?" James asked peevishly.

"Well, I'm more likely to get an answer if you hear it straight from your best mate, right? Unless that's changed too."

"Don't be a git."

"Then tell me."

"It's…" he trailed off, not wanting to say it was Lily. That was the last thing he should say if he was wanting not to be involved. "My parents. They're obsessed with the whole Head Boy thing."

Sirius nodded, relieved.

"Understand that completely, mate. Parents are a pain in the arse, aren't they? Not that we aren't sorry about your mum, Moony." he added quickly. Remus looked up and gave him a tight smile, showing that he had indeed been listening.

"No harm done, Sirius."

"Excellent." Sirius said briskly. They finished their dinner discussing trivial things and soon got up to leave, Sirius and Peter heading straight for the dormitories while Remus went to collect the first years. James ambled over to where Dumbledore was sitting to get the house passwords. As Dumbledore told him, he realized that Lily had came to stand by his side and listen as well.

"I'll tell Hufflepuff and Slytherin theirs." Lily said quickly, "James, you can go tell the Ravenclaw Prefects." James could tell at once why she'd done this- Ravenclaw was the smartest house and would therefore be able to tell if he was lying about their real password. He bristled; he hadn't even been planning on messing them up.

"I'm surprised, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore said. James jumped; he'd forgotten that he was still standing there.

"Why?"

"I would have expected you to question your position as Head Boy." Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled merrily behind his spectacles, as though he was excited to hear whatever James had to say on the subject.

For a moment, James considered saying, 'Yes Professor, I would love to know why the hell you gave me this job.', but decided against it. Instead, he said simply, "No Professor. I guess you have your reasons."

Dumbledore's look was enough to confirm that he didn't believe a word of it.

"You should hurry then, James. I believe the Ravenclaws are waiting for you." Indeed, the Ravenclaw Prefects looked as though they'd very much like to get along to their common room and wouldn't mind giving James a piece of their minds.

James quickly went to tell the Ravenclaw Prefects their password ('phoenix feather'), then joined Lily and the Gryffindor Prefects to escort the first years to the portrait of the fat lady.

As they walked, him and Lily bringing up the rear, Lily slipped her hand into his. James jumped what felt like a mile, confused and alarmed. She rolled her eyes as she quickly let go of him and James saw that she had slipped a note into his hand. The initial shock quickly wore off, and was replaced with embarrassment. It was an odd feeling, one that he wasn't very used to, and he didn't think he liked the feeling of inadequacy he kept getting. Muttering curse words under is breath that neither made sense nor had much purpose, he unfolded the tiny wad of paper. It read:

James,

Meet me in the astronomy tower at 11. I'm aware what that sort of thing usually means, but it doesn't, I swear.

Lily

James crumpled the paper and put it in his pocket, then determinedly avoided looking at Lily the rest of the way to the common room.


	7. A Tower and a Chicken

Chapter 7: A Tower and a Chicken

"Why am I here?" James asked himself, ruffling his hair self consciously and yawning. For an hour he'd been laying in his bed, pretending to sleep and wondering if he should even go to the astronomy tower in the first place. Finding it impossible to sleep with the thousands of questions that were going through his head, he decided, finally, that he would.

"I have no idea." came a voice from the shadows, "I honestly didn't expect you to." At the same time James lit his wand, Lily lit hers, and they ended up shining the light right into each other's faces. James was the first to extinguish his, rubbing his eyes and turning away. When he turned back, he noticed Lily was dressed in a very conservative night gown that looked like a small white circus tent around her slim frame.

"And I would have expected it to be tie dye."

Lily looked at him confusedly for a moment until he nodded at her nightdress. She laughed.

"Oh, no." she said amusedly, "I'm not really a hippie, I swear. Fashions come and go. This thing, though, it's true beauty. It used to belong to my grandmother, the one I told you had a parlor."

James raised his eyebrow.

"That's a bit…creepy. Wearing your grandmother's nightgown. Sort of morbid."

"No it isn't." she said earnestly. She strode up to him and showed him the sleeve.

"It's clean, and I restored it with magic so it's as good as new. Feel that; it's lined with lace."

"Er- no, thanks." he said, backing away from the lace cuff that was practically under his nose. "Why don't you just tell me what you wanted to talk about?"

"Right." Lily said, nodding and putting her arm back at her side. "Well, as I said I really didn't think you were going to come, so I haven't exactly- it won't sound right, but essentially I thought I'd give you one last chance to come clean about what's going to happen."

"What do you mean?"

Lily smiled.

"Ha. Just as I thought. Well, you missed your chance."

"Wait- what?"

Lily began to braid a strand of her hair, as though she was getting bored.

"I already told you, I know that Sirius, and, as a consequence of being his best friend, you are planning on doing something to scold me for being friends with Severus. I was just giving you one last chance to admit it. Not that it would have changed things, but still."

"You know what?" James asked, feeling angry all of a sudden, "I'm getting pretty tired of this. Why don't you talk normally, instead of acting like everyone can understand you? Every time I talk to you, you're always testing me!"

Lily let go of the strand of her hair that she'd successfully braided and looked at him square in the eye.

"To put it simply, this means war."

"Oh please." James said, losing interest. He rolled his eyes and started toward the door.

"What? You don't think I will?"

"No, I believe you will." he said, reaching the door and pulling it open.

"Petrificus totalus." Lily said. James found himself lying on the ground, pain radiating through him from the hard floor. He tried to tell her she damn well better take the spell off him, but all that came out was a strangled sound low in his throat.

"Shoot." Lily said softly. She closed the door, leaned against it, then took the spell off him.

"What- what the hell was that?" James hissed.

"I'm really, really sorry. That sounded like it hurt."

"Move, Evans."

"No, you can't leave. We haven't finished."

"We sure as hell have. I shouldn't have even come in the first place."

"There you go with the 'h' word again. Do you use it to profess your anger?"

"There is no point in this." James said impatiently.

"Sirius isn't here, James. You don't have to keep acting like he's about to discover you talking to me, so you can stop acting like an arse."

"For someone who has a problem with cursing, that came out rather easily."

"I used it properly, though, not as something I thoughtlessly threw into a sentence."

"Move now, or I will make you."

"You can't just leave in the middle of an argument." Lily said, as though stating the most obvious thing in the world, "At least finish it up properly. Wait, no, don't." she said hastily, seeing James open his mouth hastily, "If you're determined to hate me forever, at least let me tell you something."

The thought of hating her forever hadn't really crossed James's mind, though thoughts of anger and getting her to leave him alone had, and he would have said so if it hadn't seemed like Lily was about to divulge a huge secret.

"I sort of- well, it sounds silly." Lily looked down and smiled gently to herself, "but I've sort of- I've sort of fancied you since fifth year."

"What?" he cried incredulously, "But- but you didn't- and I didn't-"

"Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist." she laughed, "I know that we barely know each other at all. I've used you, to be quite honest. I sort of…took an idea of what I thought you might be like and pinned it as your personality, so that's what I fancied."

"So- so you're saying-" James opened and closed his mouth several times. Of all the foreign and strange things that she'd ever said, this one was the most of both of those things.

"Stop acting so shocked, it isn't like you don't know you're a Quidditch star." Lily said, reddening curiously, "Girls do that sort of thing all the time. I thought you might like to know. Don't make me regret telling you."

"I-"

"If it makes you feel better, I don't fantasize about you or anything. It's just something fun to do when you're bored, trying to imagine what a person's personality is. I just happen to fancy the one I picked out for you."

"But it's that that you fancy, and not-"

"No. Just that."

"And you- and I-"

"I wanted us to be just friends."

"Ah." Though James would have been dismayed to find that she did fancy him, it was somehow a letdown to discover that she liked a personality she'd picked out for him more than the one he actually had.

"Well, that being said…" Lily moved away from the door. He reached for the door handle, then looked at her curiously.

"The personality you picked out…was it different than the one I actually have?"

Lily smiled.

"Unfortunately, not having known you long enough, I can't give you a completely accurate comparison. And, from the looks of it, I won't ever really get to, so-"

"I never said that." As soon as he said it, he realized he had fallen into yet another trap.

"Curiosity wins again." Lily remarked. "Before you storm off in a fit, just know not to forget that we're at war until you manage to call it off."

"Really." James rolled his eyes, and they both headed back to the portrait of the fat lady, Lily careful to keep several paces behind him.

* * *

"First day back, and I already remember why I skip these classes." Sirius muttered, fumbling around in his pocket for something, "How is double bloody Potions with those damn Slytherins going to help us become aurors?"

"Teaches you not to kill Death Eaters on sight, maybe?" Remus asked calmly.

"Hardly." James mumbled, "It's this whole school, it's against us."

"I can't wait to leave this place for good." Peter sighed.

"Don't be a prat, Wormtail." Sirius said scornfully, "This is our home, plots and all."

"I was only saying-"

"Yeah, I know, always trying to say what you think makes you sound most impressive." Sirius pulled a bag out of his robes triumphantly. Instantly, James, seeing what he held, forced him to put his hand back in his pocket.

"Are you crazy?" he hissed, "What the hell are you doing with that at school? Are you trying to get us fucking expelled?"

"Calm down, Jamesie." Sirius said coolly, "Look where we are. There's nobody in sight."

Indeed, they had all walked to the edge of the forbidden forest and beyond seeing or smelling distance of anyone from the school.

"You don't think someone's going to notice you're _high?_"

"They never have before." Sirius said, shrugging. "Come on, it's only a little bit."

Remus and Peter watched in silence, Remus because he never got involved in their drugs or arguments, and Peter because he was still sulking.

"I can't, I have a meeting tonight."

"What? Oh yeah. You're Head Boy now." Sirius jeered, "Bloody fancy pants like Lupin. Come here Peter, you can have some, it's good stuff."

With practiced skill, they were soon at work sniffing. Remus sighed and pulled out a book as James wandered a ways away and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. He regretted not taking Sirius up on his offer a little bit, but something deeper kept pounding at him. Something that wondered if that imagined personality Lily had come up with for him had done drugs, and knew at the same time that it didn't. It was a curious game he'd been playing all day- was this what it would have done? Would Lily think this better or worse than she imagined of him? It was a frightening exercise, as he kept coming up short to it. Frustrated, he lit his cigarette and jammed it into his mouth, taking a deep drag on it.

As he did so, he found himself inexplicably shorter. His hands couldn't take the cigarette from his mouth, and as they tried to, he found that they were no longer hands, but wings. Looking down, he found his clothes had fallen loose all around him, and his feet were now three pronged and orange.

"Hoooooooly crap." he heard Sirius say. Then he and Peter were hooting with laughter, as Remus quickly stooped over and looked James in the eyes. Since when was Remus so much taller than him?

"What? What is it?"

"James." he said, his voice quivering like he was trying not to laugh, "It would seem that-well, it seems that you're a chicken."

"What?" James cried, spitting the cigarette out of his mouth, "How am I-"

"HA!" Peter cried, rolling around on the ground, "The chicken he- he talks! And it's James!"

James couldn't tell if it was really Peter or whatever mysterious substance he was inhaling that was causing him to say this, but either way he found him to be acting sloppy and disgusting.

"Why are you just standing there?" James asked angrily, "Do something!"

Remus, the only one of them who seemed to be thinking clearly, scooped James up in one arm and picked his clothes up with the other hand. After carefully stepping on the cigarette, which had still been smoking menacingly, he began to walk him up to the castle.

"Shall I take you to Madam Pomfrey?" he asked, still sounding like he was making an effort to hold back laughter.

"Yea- hold on." James said suddenly, "It couldn't be- she wouldn't-" He looked up at Remus, "It's not possible that _Lily_ did this, is it?"

"Why would Lily do that?" Remus asked.

"Well, for one thing she- never mind." James was about to tell Remus about how she hated his cigarettes and the meeting they'd had in the astronomy tower, but that would require actually telling him how much he'd seen of her. As much as he trusted Remus, he didn't underestimate Sirius's ability to extricate information from him. "Just take me to her."

"As it's about seven, I would guess she's in her dormitory."

"And?"

"And we can't get in there."

"Then take me to the common room and I'll shout to her."

Remus looked down at James amusedly.

"How am I supposed to explain a shouting chicken that sounds like you? Better yet, how am I supposed to explain having a chicken?"

"Like I know. Just think of something. Anything."

"Anything?"

"Yes!" James was feeling angrier and more irritable than he had in a long time, and it was a time like this that he really wished he did have a cigarette. Remembering that he had spent the day thinking of what Lily would think of him, he cringed. Right little bitch didn't deserve it.

"We're here." After telling the portrait the password ('Doxy Droppings'), Remus stepped into the crowded common room and weaved through the people, ignoring how he kept being asked about the chicken and clothes he was holding.

_Remus Lupin is a good sort. James found himself thinking, I must remember not to give him a hard time about being such a girl._

"Lily!" Remus shouted, "Lily, could you come here a moment?"

James could hear giggling coming from upstairs. One girl, who James also thought to be a decent sort, named Marlene McKinnon, peeked out and regarded Remus with her large gray eyes.

"What did you want, Remus?" she asked, giggling slightly.

"Could you get Lily? It's rather urgent."

Marlene went back to her room and came out a second later, giggling once more.

"She says she won't see you until you've said what you want loudly enough that she can hear it herself."

"Don't you dare." James hissed to Remus. Marlene's eyes widened.

"Is that a _chicken?_" she asked, "And did it just-"

"Yes, Marlene." Remus sighed, "She transfigured James into a chicken."

This last part, James knew, he had said much louder than he'd needed to. As Marlene started into a fit of giggles, James hopped out of Remus's arm indignantly.

"Bloody hell, Lupin, I'm going to kill you." So much for being a good sort.

Remus shrugged, as though to say he'd done what he had to, and James climbed up the stairs to the dormitories, realizing suddenly that he could have done so in the first place as he was no longer a boy. When he got to Lily's particular dormitory, he shuddered. He was preparing for the inevitable frilly pink horror that he knew the other side would be. Only his anger and his determination to be changed back propelled him forward.

There were frills and pink, but for the most part, he found the dormitory to be similar to the boy's one, though it was a bit neater and there were a few posters of handsome wizards on the wall, alternating between charming grins and bad boy pouts. James charged over to Lily, who was reading a book on her bed. She looked up at him and smiled serenely.

"Ah." she said, "So you've gone and done it already. I shouldn't have expected any less, though. You seem rather addicted to them."

"Change me back." James growled.

"You have no idea how wonderful it is to hear a chicken growl." she remarked, "It's possibly one of the most amusing and least threatening things you'll ever hear in your life."

"I'm not joking, do it."

"Give me reasoning, James."

"For one thing, Evans, I won't report the Head Girl for turning the Head Boy into a chicken, and for another, perhaps I won't retaliate as badly."

"Oh, but the whole idea is that you won't."

"What?"

"That's right. Call off all pranks on my behalf, and I will change you back."

"I could lie and tell you that I won't and then do so anyway after you change me back. Face it, Evans, there's no way you can win this."

Lily gave him a wicked smile.

"It's too late. I already have."

"What do you-"

"If you refuse to call a truce, then I will make that hex on your cigarettes permanent, and I'm only turning you back into a human once. So either you stop whatever madness you're planning or you'll be forced to quit smoking. Either, and preferably both of those, would make me happy." She brought her knees to her chest and hugged them, seeming hugely pleased with herself.

James stared at her incredulously, a huge weight settling in her chest. The thought of having to tell Sirius everything that had happened, having him know that he had practically betrayed him and lied to him- it made him sick. On the other hand, while he refused to believe that he was addicted to cigarettes, he knew he would go through hell without them. Either way, he was setting himself up to be miserable.

Seeing his inner conflict, Lily said, "You don't have to decide now. I'll just change you back." She pulled out her wand, then paused.

"If you don't mind me asking, did your clothes transfigure with you?"

"No." James said hostilely, not even wanting to look at her.

"Then would you mind getting them?"

"Why-oh."

"Right. I refuse to see you naked."


	8. A Beater and the Purple Letter

Chapter 8: A Beater and the Purple Letter

"So she hexed your cigarettes, hm?" Sirius put a finger to his pursed lips, deep in thought.

It was the next day, and the two of them were sitting in the back row of History of Magic. Discreetly, they had put a silencing charm on Professor Binns' ears so that he could not hear a word anyone was saying, and now the whole class was happily babbling away and completely ignoring him.

"Yeah. God knows how she knew about them." James ran a hand through his hair uneasily, a habit that he had picked up from Sirius and used when he was lying.

"She probably smelled your breath, if I had to guess." Sirius said, putting his finger down and rolling his eyes.

"Oh, like you're so innocent."

Sirius ignored his comment and was now studying Lily, who was reading a book.

"She must have a weakness…" he said, more to himself than to James.

"How are we supposed to do anything? I already told you what she said."

"Then quit smoking the things and be done with it."

Sirius, like James, was the sort of person who didn't believe that it was possible to be addicted to anything, and that it was all a matter of choice. James shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

"Well, if I do, then she's won, hasn't she?"

"True." Sirius put his finger back on his lips.

"What I really don't understand," he said finally, "is her involvement with you."

"What do you mean?" James asked, his voice slightly more pitchy than normal.

"You know. She's trying to get you to stop smoking, she talks to you when we hardly know her…are you sure she doesn't fancy you?"

James had to swallow hard to keep himself from telling Sirius everything.

"I doubt it." he said lightly, "Come on, why would she?"

"You're a Quidditch star." Sirius said, leaning back in his chair and shrugging. James stared.

"You know," he said, "I've been hearing that quite often."

"Yeah, well don't let it go to your head."

"Why don't you just do something to Snivelly?" James asked on a sudden inspiration, "After all, he's the one we're really after, isn't he?"

"That's…true. They're friends, so that would get to her without actually doing something to her." Sirius said, "James, your simple minded thinking has so much potential."

"Who are you calling simple-"

"Hey," somebody shouted suddenly, "Binns is looking!"

"Shit." Sirius hissed. Everyone turned back around in their seats, and James took the charm off him. The whole class then had to convince Binns that he must have been dreaming. Him being 190 years old and a rather frequent sleeper, this was successfully accomplished in five minutes, and the rest of class James and Sirius spent hurling paper balls filled with insults at each other.

* * *

The week passed rather uneventfully; there were two Prefect meetings which James had to help preside over, and he did so lazily, letting Lily do the work. At each of these meetings they didn't talk to each other, though she seemed to try to catch his eye once or twice. After seeing that he was purposely avoiding talking to her, she left him alone, and James was relieved. His life was quickly going back to normal.

His first Quidditch practice as captain came at the end of the week. He felt uneasy about it, though he had been vying for the position since his second year. Sirius, who was the Keeper, winked at him reassuringly.

"Right." James said to the five people on the team, "We had an…interesting year last year, and…well, now that Alice has graduated we're going to have to find a new Beater."

This was met with groans, and he didn't blame them. It seemed that almost every year they were having tryouts. For some reason, there seemed to be a lack of good Quidditch players in Gryffindor house, and they had not won the cup in three years, suffering from what Professor McGonagall confirmed to be some of the most spectacularly bad defeats the team had ever suffered. Every year, the second rate players seemed to only get worse, and he and Sirius had been asked by several people, in all seriousness, to fail seventh year so they could continue to play for the team. They were its last hope, and everyone, even the team members, knew that.

"So, Monday we'll have tryouts. If you know of anybody, _anybody_ who can hit a bludger- hit anything- please convince them to come."

This was met with weary laughs, and they were soon in the air, practicing the latest strategies that James had devised over the summer. For the first time that year, he was completely at ease; all the worries and awkwardness he'd felt were left down on the ground, and the air whipping around him reminded him all that he'd missed about Hogwarts. Unfortunately, even this holy feeling managed to be ruined by how pathetically his team performed. After an hour, he touched down to the ground reluctantly, and everyone else followed.

"Alright." he said, "So that was…it was good-well, I mean, it wasn't good, but it wasn't bad- and again, Monday we have tryouts for a Beater. See you then."

The team left after mumbling weary goodbyes, until Sirius was the only one left.

"There's no way we're going to win this." Sirius said.

"Thank you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming."

"Look, Prongs, you could be the best bloody captain in the world, and you still wouldn't be able to get this team into the Quidditch final. What we need is a miracle, do you hear me? A miracle."

"Well, you know how it always goes, Sirius." James said wearily, "They usually come when you need them."

"Unless you're the losing team. Then you just lose."

James glared at him.

"You'd better go. I'm about to drown myself in the showers, and I doubt you want to see it."

"I suppose this means I'll have to warn Remus that your suicidal tendencies have returned?"

"Yes. And just so you know, I'm not leaving anything of mine to you."

"In that case, I want to watch you drown yourself. It'll entertain me."

"Go. Just go."

Sirius left, and no sooner did he than Lily appeared.

"Oh, it's you." James moaned. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the headache that was starting.

"I saw you play."

"I'm sure."

"It wasn't…well, it wasn't very good."

"I know. Is there a point to this?"

"I notice you're short of a Beater."

"Yeah."

"I can help you fill the position."

"What, do you want it?" The thought of Sirius and Lily on the same team made his headache so bad that he began to massage his temples.

"No. Are you alright?"

"If you aren't taking it, how do you plan on helping me fill it? We've interviewed practically everybody in Gryffindor." He ignored the question as to whether he was alright, because he honestly felt like he was going to start crying.

"You missed someone. His name is Ludo Bagman, he's in fifth year and he's a fabulous flyer."

"If he's so great, then why hasn't he ever tried out?"

"He's established quite a large, illegal betting system with a boy named Mundungus Fletcher. They made hundreds of galleons betting on the Quidditch games, so he wasn't able to play, because it would affect business. Mundungus graduated last year, and he was really the brains of it, so now he's got no reason not to join."

James opened his eyes and put his hands down.

"How…how the hell do you know all of this?"

Lily smiled.

"I'm nosy."

"And…you say he's good?"

"I've asked Madam Hooch, and she says he has the potential to join a professional team right out of Hogwarts."

James suddenly felt an outpouring of warmth towards Lily.

"Thank you." he said hoarsely, "You have no idea how much this-"

"Forget about it." she said, "I had to do something to get you to speak to me."

"You're mad."

"Well, that's all of us, isn't it? I just happen to be slightly more mad than your average madman. Or madwoman, because it isn't right to sexually discriminate between us all."

James couldn't even think what a proper reply to that was, so he nodded and headed to take a shower, deciding perhaps he wouldn't drown himself after all.

* * *

"Where in the world did you find Ludo Bagman?" Sirius asked Monday evening, his eyes bulging, "How have we not seen him before? Is he real?"

"He's your miracle, Sirius." James said, grinning so widely that his face hurt. They were sitting in the Quidditch stands, watching as Ludo hit two bludgers through the hoops at the same time.

"Where did he come from?"

"I had…a source."

"It was Lily, wasn't it? Don't bother denying it. I saw her when I was leaving yesterday."

James was silent.

"There's something off about her. How is it that she managed to prank you, a notorious Marauder, be friends with Snivellus Snape, and find the answer to the Quidditch team's prayers? Next we'll find out she bakes sugar cookies for the House Elves."

"To be quite honest, she seems absolutely mad. Not at all normal."

"I think you know more about her than you let on, Jimmy. I don't understand why you won't tell me."

"Because there's nothing to tell!"

"Hmm." Sirius said, disbelieving. After studying him a moment, he said in a frightening voice,

"Do you fancy her?"

"What?" James cried, "No! Of course I don't!"

"If you say so. But I'm telling you; even if she never gets one prank pulled on her, we will find out what it is with her."

"I thought we were getting to her through Snape."

"I'm not talking about getting to her." Sirius said, narrowing his eyes at nothing in particular, "We're going to find out the truth about her. Though I notice you're saying 'we' again. Whatever it is about her that you have such a problem with doing anything, it needs to stop."

"There's not anything." James mumbled, no longer in a good mood.

"Great. Oh, would you look at that? Bagman's sort of juggling the bludgers. How the hell does he do it?"

* * *

Tuesday morning James received, along with the Daily Prophet, a letter. He could tell from the lavender envelope and the curious smell of perfume wafting from it that it was from his mother. It read:

_My Dearest Jamie, _

_I do hope you and Sirius are enjoying your time at Hogwarts! Of course, I miss you terribly. Your father does too; I told him he should write a letter, but he's very busy, you know how it gets with his work._

_At any rate, I have been quite busy. I was at tea on Wednesday at Aurora Black's house (perhaps it would be better if you didn't mention that to Sirius; you know how he gets when he hears about his mother), and who did I see but Madame Delacour! You remember her- the fetching little thing who's mum was a veela. She just had a daughter, by the way- a lovely little girl named Fleur. I mention Madame Delacour because I found out she has a sister around your age. She goes to Beauxbatons obviously, but Madame Delacour and I agree that it would be simply wonderful if you were to meet her at our Christmas ball._

_Oh dear, I was going to write more to you, but I must fly, and I wanted Aristotle to deliver this today. Kisses, my love, and be good. Make your father and me proud!_

_Love always,_

_Mum_

James stared at the letter disgustedly before tearing it in half. Aristotle, the gray owl who had delivered the letter and was now drinking from his goblet of pumpkin juice, turned to look at him, scandalized.

"That's right." James said, "That's what I think of you and Mum and Madame Delacour's bloody sister. Go on, get out."

The owl bit him reproachfully on the ear and flew off. James put his head down on the table.

"Alright there?"

"Sirius." James moaned miserably, "I think I might pull a runner. You think Moony will take both of us?"

"I guess your mum sent you a letter."

"Who else?"

"Who'd she pair you up with this time."

"Madame Delacour's bloody sister."

"She's not so bad. When you look at her long enough and you aren't listening, it's almost like she's speaking English."

"Thanks, Padfoot."

"Anytime."

* * *

Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I appreciate every single one. I forgot to respond to any questions/ concerns last chapter…I guess that's what happens when you try to update quickly!

There was a question about chapter six in which I was asked about the reference to Remus's dead mother. In chapter two I believe, it mentioned she died the previous year, but with his father's quick jump into the dating world, it's still a sore subject for him.

Also, there have been some very concerned reviews mentioning the fact that Lily seems to be coming off as 'perfect'. First, you have to realize you'll see James's flaws much clearer at first because it really is his point of view, though Lily is mentioned quite a bit. However, while I myself think that she's a very odd person, much odder than your average bean, I also realize there are several people, such as Sirius, who might think she's too good to be true. You'll just have to wait and see as far as that goes, and that's also my response to the title of this story.


	9. Exploding Snap and a Full Moon

Chapter 9: Exploding Snap and a Full Moon

Finally having gotten a decent Beater, the Gryffindor Quidditch team's first week of practices had been more wonderful than any they had ever seen. Their strategy was simple; score enough points so that when the other team's Seeker caught the Snitch, they'd still win the game. They had yet to show their skill on the pitch, however, because after the first week of practice it had begun to rain.

And rain.

And rain.

James was trying and failing to concentrate on his potions essay. His eyes kept drifting to the window and staring out at the unrelenting downpour, wondering if it ever planned on stopping. Finally, in a fit of frustration, he threw all of his scraps of parchment at a group of first years (who looked rather annoyed by the interruption but gave them back when he asked for them a minute later).

He was bored out of his mind- he didn't feel like going anywhere, but he didn't feel like staying where he was either. Spotting Remus, curled up and reading a book near the fire, he decided to go talk to him, as Peter and Sirius were nowhere to be found. Presumably, they were out pulling the pranks that, as an authority figure, James was finding to be increasingly impossible.

"Hey Moony, you're smart. D'you think rain can cause madness?"

Remus looked up from his book as though he'd been waiting for someone to interrupt him.

"Your guess is as good as mine."

James threw himself on a sofa nearby, ignoring the two girls who were already sitting there.

"I'm dying." James said pathetically, "I can't play Quidditch, I can't pull pranks, I can't even do homework!" He ground his fists into his eyeballs, "Do you hear what I'm saying, Moony? I've actually got time for homework, but I can't do it!" He looked over at Remus, who was watching him calmly, "Well? What should I do?"

"Have you written to your mum lately?"

"Moony, my _mum?_ _My_ mum?"

"She isn't so horrible."

"Except when she's pairing me up to get married and constantly going to parties and going through maids like toilet paper. Which is pretty much all the time."

"Did you want to play a game of exploding snap?" one of the girls next to him asked. It took him a moment to realize that she was speaking to him.

"Er- who are you?" James asked uncomfortably, looking her over.

"Hestia." the girl said boldly, as though her name was something she was quite proud of. "Hestia Jones, third year."

"Er-well-"

"Marlene and I were wondering if you wanted to play exploding snap." James looked and saw that the blond girl next to her was Marlene McKinnon, the one who had giggled a lot when he'd been changed into a chicken.

"Hestia!" Marlene had gone rather red in the cheeks, "Be quiet!"

James looked from one to the other, slightly bewildered.

"Er- I guess I could-"

"Excellent!" Hestia said briskly, "Marlene, why don't you get the cards?"

Marlene nodded and quickly went to get them, looking very embarrassed. James marveled at how the third year seemed to have such control over someone four years older than her. He tried to think of a way to phrase it so it didn't sound rude. Meanwhile, Hestia had turned to Remus.

"Come along now, you should play as well."

Remus raised his eyebrows at her.

"Miss Jones, are you sure you want me to-"

"Oh, cut the Miss Jones shit, I'm not a baby. Come play!"

Remus and James exchanged looks. Somehow, the word 'shit' had seemed misplaced coming out of a girl who was just under five feet and didn't look like she'd celebrated her tenth birthday long ago. Remus sighed, put his book down, and joined them on the sofa. By the time Marlene came back, Hestia had started a full-on tirade on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

"And honestly, guys, what's with that Seeker? What's his name…Gavin Gudgeon? Yes, that's what it is, anyway, he's complete shit, he's bringing your whole team down."

Hestia seemed to get joy from adding 'shit' to every other sentence, James noticed. He was starting to find it enormously entertaining, even though she was managing to insult everything about his team. Remus just looked shocked.

"Budge over, Hestia." Marlene said, sitting back down, "I'm sorry about her." she added, looking at James apologetically, "She's very bitter about Quidditch. She's always wanted to be on the team, but her parents won't let her have a broomstick."

"Which is complete shit." Hestia said darkly, "Shut up now, Marlene. You're depressing me."

"How is it- why do you let her-" James still didn't know how to ask, and Marlene, who was now shuffling the cards carefully, smiled and said, "Ask her."

"It's because I'm dating her brother Charlie. God knows I'm the only one who'll put up with his shit."

"And in return I put up with all of Hestia's…stuff, because she thinks she's too good for the other third years." Marlene said, not looking up.

Hestia flipped her black hair over her shoulder.

"I am." she said matter-of-factly, "Have you met the bloody idiots? No, wait- have you _looked_ at them? Monkeys, the lot of them."

"Are you _sure _you're thirteen?" Remus asked. Hestia gave him a pointed look.

"Why the hell would I say I was thirteen if I wasn't? It's not like I _like_ being the only third year in a group of seventh years."

Marlene finished shuffling the cards.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself." she said quietly, "I thought we were playing Exploding Snap."

Hestia rolled her eyes at her.

"Marlene's tired of talking about me because she'd much rather talk about you two." she said, giving Marlene a wicked smile, "Honestly, all day it's 'Oh, isn't Remus a dear?' and 'Oh, weren't Sirius and James just wonderful in the Quidditch game today?'. She even talks about that bloody prat Peter, how she feels bad for him and how he has depth that nobody bothers to discover."

Marlene had gone a deep red.

"Hestia!" she said in a strangled voice. She turned to James and Remus. "It isn't true, I never- not that I don't think you're nice and you're good at Quidditch- I mean-" James felt bad for her; she looked like she was about to cry, and it was even worse because he found the whole thing rather funny.

"It's okay." he said, "Really, it doesn't bother us at all, does it Remus?"

"Not at all." Remus said quickly, shaking his head. He looked a bit embarrassed as well. Hestia surveyed her handiwork with satisfaction, then turned back to Marlene.

"Well, let's start!"

"You and Charlie were made for each other." Marlene muttered as she put the cards down.

"He certainly likes to think so."

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing Exploding Snap, eating sweets that James had gotten from their dormitory, and watching Marlene be utterly humiliated by Hestia, who finally ended the afternoon by saying, "Well, mates, it's been lovely, but I'm in a right mind to snog Charlie senseless, so I suppose I'll see you later."

This caused Marlene to start choking on a chocolate frog and for Remus to look extremely disturbed. James laughed until he couldn't breath, and reflected that perhaps his afternoon had not been an utter waste after all.

* * *

Soon after that day, the first full moon of the school year came about. After Remus had been taken to the Whomping Willow and the common room was mostly deserted, Sirius, James, and Peter slipped under James's invisibility cloak and out of the tower. 

"Hello, who's there?" the fat lady squawked.

They glanced at the Marauder's Map every once in a while to make sure that they didn't bump into anyone, and soon they had gotten down to the Entrance Hall and out the door. Once they had walked past the greenhouses, Sirius whipped off the cloak and said,

"Bloody hell, can't we just change now?"

Peter looked at James.

"Do you think we should? I mean…"

James looked at the both of them, then nodded.

"Yeah, it's fine. Everyone's gone to bed anyway."

Sirius grinned.

"Excellent."

Peter still looked unsure, but began to transform anyway.

James concentrated on a large, graceful shape with antlers and wise eyes. Almost as though he had slid smoothly into a different skin, he had changed into Prongs. He stomped the ground with a joy he hadn't expected. 'Welcome home', the form seemed to say to him, and he felt at once the sense of freedom it was providing him.

A bark to his right alerted him that Padfoot and Wormtail were ready as well. Calmly, Prongs bowed his majestic head and allowed Wormtail to scamper up. This could be considered a loss of majesty for anyone other than Prongs, but if there had been any witnesses, they would get a distinct impression that the rat was highly aware of the extreme honor he was being given by being able to ride upon the stag.

Padfoot barked impatiently. 'Come on, come on, let's go get Moony!'

They rode into the night, the full moon shining pale upon them and soaking them into immortal silver beasts. The Tree, even, with its flailing branches, seemed to have a grace bestowed on it by the night's spell. Prongs always managed to forget all that he suddenly noticed as a stag, and so every time they went to the Werewolf, he was reminded and fascinated anew.

Wormtail darted forward and pressed the knot at the bottom of the tree. Good Wormtail. Even if he was small, he was indispensable.

Padfoot lead them down the tunnel to the door through which they could hear Moony, already fully transformed and snarling. Wormtail squeaked, afraid as he always was at first, and even Prongs stepped a hoof back. However, Padfoot's tail was wagging, and he bounded forward. 'Moony, Moony, let's play!' he seemed to be saying, though all he was doing was panting excitedly and occasionally hitting his tail on the dilapidated furniture. Moony growled, and Padfoot growled back. Mildly impressed at the dog's gumption, Moony stopped growling and started to sniff the air. Cautiously, he approached Padfoot, and Padfoot, with uncharacteristic calm, allowed him to do so. Then the werewolf began to wag his tail, and he and Padfoot started to play wrestle.

Prongs and Wormtail, seeing things have been made safe, came forward as well, Prongs making sure the door was shut behind him. After a few exhaustive minutes of fighting, in which Moony nearly managed to rip Padfoot's ear off and Padfoot had successfully gnawed on the werewolf's arm, they laid off it and Moony began to investigate Wormtail and Prongs. Prongs warned Wormtail with a look to remain calm, and Wormtail managed to do so, though barely.

They played for a while, though the exact time couldn't be said (a stag had no concept of time, really), until Moony approached the door and whined, scratching at it. Padfoot and Prongs looked at each other. It was something they approached each time as a hard decision. Padfoot's eyes were wide- 'let him out, let's play, come on Prongs!'- while Prongs remained stoic and unsure. Wormtail used to give his opinion on the matter with a few well thought out squeaks, but they always ended up doing what Padfoot wanted, so he eventually gave up adding his input at all.

Soon enough, Moony was let out, and at once his demeanor changed. He was no longer acting light hearted and playful as he was before- he was wary and alert. He was on the prowl. Wormtail quickly climbed back on Prongs' back, and then they were bounding through the night, simply enjoying the freedom of the wind and the emptiness and the sense of liberation at the lack of human structure. It was impossible to tell if they had only been out there a second or their whole lives, and they reveled in it. They didn't seem to find it tiring in the least. On the contrary, their animal forms were thanking them for allowing them to stretch out their legs.

Then something went wrong. Moony, who they had thought they were keeping a good pace with, began to lope towards Hogwarts castle, at speeds much faster than the ones they had been at a moment before. Wormtail leaped from Prongs' back, sensing that he would have to be running much faster than the rat was comfortable with, and after quickly making sure he hadn't broken any bones, Prongs and Padfoot bounded toward the werewolf.

Moony had almost reached the greenhouses by the time they were able to overtake him. Padfoot veered right as Prongs took him from the left, and after Prongs knocked him down with his powerful hoofs, Padfoot leapt on him and wrestled with him, as though to scold him for his behavior. For a moment, this caused Moony to snarl agitatedly, until finally he closed his eyes and began to whine. Slowly, Padfoot got off of him, and Prongs nudged the battered werewolf, probing to see whether he could make his way back. Moony managed to get up on his own, albeit a little shakily, and they made their way back to the Willow.

Wormtail was waiting for them, the tree already frozen. Wearily, all energy being evaporated from the short escapade, they made their way back into the shack and spent the rest of the night being sprawled across the floor, sleeping. Before dawn, Wormtail woke up Prongs and Padfoot, and they silently left through the passage, leaving Moony to sleep fitfully until Madame Pomfrey came to retrieve him as Remus. They snuck a bit farther away from the castle so as to be sure that they wouldn't be seen by Hagrid or anyone else who might chance to be about, then transformed back into boys.

Sirius was the first to speak. "Well, that was fun."

James shot him an incredulous look.

"_Fun?_"

"Yeah. It gave me an idea, as a matter of fact."

"Unless it's the cure to lycanthropy, I don't want to hear a word of it."

Sirius didn't say anything.

"I want to hear it." Peter ventured.

"I'm sure you do. You'll see soon enough."

James watched the thin sliver of light rising on the horizon.

"Come on," he said, pulling the Marauders Map from his back pocket, "Sun's almost up, and I don't know about you, mates, but _I_'d like a few hours of sleep in a real bed."

Sirius and Peter murmured their agreement, the soreness from the night's escapades and sleeping on a hard floor suddenly seeming much more obvious, and they fetched the invisibility cloak from by the greenhouses and headed back to their dormitory, effortlessly managing to avoid Filch and Peeves.

* * *

Wow- another quick update! This lack of procrastination is so uncharacteristic of me. I don't know what you guys will think of this chapter, it's more of a slice of life chapter than anything, but I personally loved writing it. Hestia was the most fun!

And OH MY GOD! 80 REVIEWS! Thank you guys so much, you have no idea how absolutely amazing and wonderful it is every time I get one- whenever I check my inbox and see that I got one I always think it might be a flame, and I'm consistently shocked that it isn't. It's especially great that you guys enjoy reading it, because I don't think I've ever had more fun writing something than I've had writing this. You're the best ;D (Wow, having written all this, what will I write if I ever manage to get 100 reviews? Personalized love letters, I guess).


	10. Two Parties and a Soap Opera

Chapter 10: Two Parties and a Soap Opera

It was the first week of October and the rain had surprisingly disappeared, leaving behind only cold weather and the distinct feeling that fall was in the air. The only other thing that particularly affected the Gryffindor seventh year boy's dormitory that first week was the arrival of Peter's birthday. When James awoke, Peter was already fully dressed and sitting on his bed, his expression filled with painful anticipation. Sirius was pretending to be asleep, which James could tell from the dramatic snores issuing from behind his bed hangings. Grumpily, James reached down, grabbed a shoe, and chucked it at his bed with a Chaser's accuracy.

"Shut it, you prat." he groaned, "Get up, we all know you're awake."

"James! You're up!" Peter cried.

"Er- yes, Peter- Oh, it's your birthday isn't it?" James racked his brain and tried to remember if he'd gotten Peter a gift this year. He concluded that he hadn't, and hoped that he could get away with it as Sirius did every year.

"Legal drinking age now." Peter said, beaming, "I intend to skive off classes and get properly smashed in the Hog's Head."

"Can you believe this bloke?" Sirius asked, wrenching open his bed hangings and rubbing a red spot on his head, "Thanks for the shoe, mate. Anyway, you'd be pretending to sleep too if you'd been listening to the bugger for the past hour, coming up with all the idiot things he intends to do now that he's of age to get arrested for it."

"Don't see how they're idiotic, as I suppose you'd do the same thing." Peter said sulkily.

"You don't think they'll just let you skive without asking about it, do you Wormtail?" Sirius sneered, "And besides, just because we aren't old enough to do it legally doesn't mean the rest of us haven't had a few drinks ourselves."

"Still don't see how you're older than us, Pete." James yawned, getting up and putting his glasses on, "And Sirius is the baby."

"Hey Prongs, I don't suppose you're wanting me to return your shoe, are you?" Sirius asked, brandishing it threateningly.

"You wouldn't." James said, but he ducked, because he knew Sirius _would._ Indeed, a black blur flew over his head not two seconds after he'd ducked.

"Such abuse, Black. Don't cry, but you're starting to resemble your mother."

"I'll kill you for that, Potter. You won't expect it until one day you find yourself dead. Dead by poisoned pumpkin juice."

"I would expect nothing more original than that with you as my killer."

A fifteen minute fight ensued, causing Peter to look very put out as he, his legal ability to drink, and his birthday in general were forgotten. In fact, it only managed to end when it caused Remus to wake up and remind them, in a scarily uncharacteristic way, that once a month he was a frightening man-eating monster and would not be at all afraid to practice his skills early on people who dared to disturb his eight sacred hours of silence.

"Right." Peter said later as they were eating breakfast, "We're going to have a party, right? Giant party. Lots of drinks."

"Whatever you say, Pete." James said, rubbing his eyes, "All I know is tomorrow's the first game of the Quidditch season for us and Bagman had better not be sick from all those kippers he's eating."

"He's mad." Sirius said, beaming, "Nobody thicker, nobody better at using his caveman instinct to hit things."

Peter looked quite frustrated.

"But we're having a party, right? Like you did with Lupin and Potter?"

"Now, Peter, no need to get nasty and use last names." Sirius said, "'Course we will."

"Damn well doesn't seem like it." Peter said angrily, "More bloody occupied with your Beater than one of your best friends."

"Don't worry, Peter." Remus said, giving both James and Sirius a Look. "There'll be a party."

"Honestly, Moony, you can be such a girl. He knows, even if he's making a huge scene over it." Sirius said, stuffing some toast into his mouth. "Meanwhile, we need to be go-" he froze, his eyes riveted to the Slytherin table. James followed his gaze, and saw Lily happily eating breakfast with Snape, though neither he nor the rest of his house looked at all happy about it.

"Oh, good God." James said, burying his head in his hands.

"Is that supposed to mean something?" Sirius asked indignantly, pieces of toast still in his mouth, "What do you mean, 'good God'?"

"Nothing." James said, "Absolutely nothing."

"Damn right, nothing." Sirius said, "I wasn't going to say a word, Head Boy."

"Oh, is that right?" James muttered.

"Perfectly right. I have a plan, and nobody but me and the thick birthday boy know about it." Saying this, he put his arm around Peter. Peter looked at Sirius uncomfortably for a moment, then continued with his breakfast.

"Come off it, both of you." Remus said, standing up, "If I'm a girl, then you certainly are, cat fighting as you do."

"You're obviously experiencing the aftereffects of that time of month, Moony." Sirius said. However, he dropped his arm from Peter's shoulders and grabbed his bag. "Come along, mates." he said, "Let's go remember why we hate Remus for tricking us into signing up for Potions again."

Peter stood up as well, but James shook his head.

"I'll be along in a minute." he said, "I've got to go take care of some Head Boy business."

Sirius nodded suspiciously, but they left without any questions, and James swaggered up to the Slytherin table, not at all as confident as he appeared. In spite of how many times he had pranked them, or perhaps because of it, he was always nervous to be around large groups of Slytherins alone. Instinctively, he grabbed his wand.

"Hey there, Evans, Snivellus." James said, nodding to both of them. Lily gave him a disapproving look and Snape positively glowered.

"Hello, Potty." Snape sneered, "I was unaware that your presence was necessary here. I would have thought you would have bothered to brush your hair for the visit, at least." Lily nudged him and whispered "Stop it." but Snape completely ignored her.

"And I would have thought you would have washed yours." James said, unthinking.

"You know what, Potter, you can just-"

"Enough." Lily said forcefully, "Look, James, is there something you wanted?"

"Well, for one thing, to know why you're with this idiot." James muttered. A frown appearing on Lily's face, he said, "But mostly, Head business. Would you mind…" he gestured away from the table.

"Excuse me." Lily said to Snape and the rest of the table, "I'll be right back."

"Don't bother, Mudblood." someone sneered.

"Hey," James whipped out his wand in the general direction the insult had come from, "take it back. Now."

"It's fine." Lily said quickly, "Really, they're being uncreative today. Not as though I haven't heard that before."

"It's a nasty thing to say. And they'll take it back."

"Well, isn't that sweet." Snape said, "It seems as though Potter has his eye on you, Evans."

"Don't even start, Severus." Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Come on, James. Classes will start soon."

"Right." He led her a distance away from the table and said, looking at the ground, "Really, what I wanted to do was thank you. If it wasn't for Bagman, we'd- well, we'd lose every game. We haven't even had our first match and I know that."

"It wasn't a problem." Lily said, "But I thought you wanted to discuss Head-"

"I- er- well I lied. I didn't want them to know-"

"That you would talk to me without it being necessary?"

"What?" James asked, looking up, "No! I don't care what they- look, they have no idea we've got Bagman, and as he's a rather thick bloke, I would prefer it if the Slytherins didn't manage to kill him before the first game."

"So you told Sirius that you were coming to talk to me to thank me about Ludo?"

James didn't answer.

"See?" Lily smiled a little bit and bent over to look him in the eyes, which he currently had riveted on the floor, "You're ashamed to tell your friends that you talk to me. You have no problem asking me to talk in front of a table full of Slytherins, the people who would admittedly use any information they could against you, but you can't tell your best friends the truth?"

"Don't make such a big thing of it."

"But James, it _is_ a big thing. Why in the world would you do something that you could casually do anytime when you're certain your friends won't see? It isn't even something complicated like dating!"

"I don't know." James muttered, "I shouldn't have even-"

"Oh, no you don't." Lily said, grabbing his wrist. "Not until you admit that you're afraid to show the people you care about your feelings."

"Stop acting like a fucking shrink." James said, ripping his wrist from her grip, "You're not exactly the image of perfection. Why don't you stop kidding yourself into thinking you're so skilled with people that you've managed to make a best friend of Snivellus Snape? And another thing, have you realized you're absolutely insane?"

Lily crossed her arms, looking both hurt and angry.

"_You_ are the insane one." she said, "You have two _completely_ different personalities, one for your friends and one for when you're talking to me. Goodness knows how many other ones you have! Come tell me when you've finally managed to halfway figure out what in the world you're doing." She turned on her heel and stalked back to the Slytherin table, ignoring the groans and cries of, "Leave, you goddamn Mudblood!"

James hated the horrible feeling that came afterwards, something deep down that said, no matter how much he would like to deny it, she was absolutely right.

* * *

The next morning, James was awoken by a sudden weight on his midsection.

"Wake up! Some captain you are. I told you I should have gotten the job."

James squinted his eyes open and found that a familiar Sirius-shaped blur was perched upon his stomach.

"Geroff." James choked, "I'm dying."

"Indeed, you are." Sirius said cheerfully, sliding off of James's bed, "After that brilliant birthday party- thank you again, Wornmtail, for being born so early into the school year- I wouldn't be surprised if our whole house is hung over. Luckily, we have Pepperup potion!" James put on his glasses and could see that Sirius had steam merrily pouring out of his ears.

"Until I get some, I don't want to hear any more of that cheerful crap coming out of your mouth." James groaned, "We're going to lose. Nobody got any sleep, and even if we win, McGonagall will notice that something's up, what with the whole team with steam coming out of their ears."

Sirius handed James a flask with the potion in it.

"Ah, but that is why we are friends with Lupin over there. Tell him what you told me we could say, Moony."

"I said you could tell them you wanted a way to stay warm in the cold."

"See? Sheer brilliance."

James, ready to hit Sirius out of annoyance- how could he be so cheerful when he felt so miserable?- downed the potion, and at once his headache disappeared. He sighed in relief, and Sirius dragged him out of bed.

"Come on, we have to get ready. The game starts in forty five minutes."

"WHAT!"

* * *

Two hours later, James, Sirius, and Ludo were being lifted into the air and cheered loudly. Gryffindor had just beat the Slytherin Quidditch team 400-160, their best game in a decade, especially since almost all of Slytherin's points came from catching the Snitch. James could have sworn, from where he sat, that McGonagall was even wiping tears from her eyes.

"Holy shit, James." Sirius called from where he was being supported a few feet away, "This is only our first game!"

James shut his eyes, beaming. This was what he had always imagined being Quidditch captain felt like.

That night, Gryffindor had their second party, though this time, at James's insistence, there was no alcohol.

"Sodding pansy, Prongs, s'what you are." Sirius said, though he was still grinning, "Never fear, however, this lack of good things is a one time event." This last part was addressed to a large crowd that had gathered around him as he recreated the events of the game, and they laughed appreciatively.

"If I hear one more time how you almost broke your neck saving that Quaffle, I'm going to vomit." James groaned as Sirius launched into his tale again, "I'm going to go find some actual decent company."

"Good luck with that!" The crowd laughed again, and James shook his head. He made his way to the chairs nearer to the wall and therefore farther away from the host of people knotted in the center.

"Good game, Potter." came a voice at his elbow. Looking down he saw Hestia, holding hands with a blond boy that he assumed was Charlie, "Almost makes me want to take back the shit I said the other day about your team."

"Thank you?" James asked, not quite sure if this was meant to be a compliment or if it was a comment meant to show that she still thought little of them- the 'almost' had seemed rather ominous.

As he was about to sit down, he saw Lily curled up in one of the chairs. He felt a knot form in his stomach. He knew what he ought to do, but it was so _hard_.

When he approached her, he saw she was reading a small pile of papers. She seemed completely engrossed in them, and it was only when he tapped her on the shoulder that she looked up.

"Look," James said quickly, stuffing his hands in his pockets, "I'm- okay, I know I'm a prat. I was thinking about what you said and- well, we both know you're right, don't we?"

"Really?" Lily asked, putting the papers down, "I'm never sure, you see."

"Well you are. And I- well, I'm sorry."

"Okay." she said calmly, "Does that mean something will actually change, or are you apologizing because nothing will? Change, that is."

"I-" he took a deep breath at what the implications of change taking place would mean. He'd have to come clean with Sirius, something that he'd cleverly managed to avoid before, and he'd have to deal with people linking him with the oddest girl that he'd ever met. He'd need to always be prepared to be assessed and tested in the most random- and sometimes unpleasant- ways, none of which he could have ever have imagined on his own. _Or_, he thought, _nothing can change and then I'll always have to know what a prat I am._ He was still undecided until he came to a revelation- his mother wouldn't change. Not changing, not ever acknowledging that Lily Evans was now more than the name of somebody than he'd never known existed, would be the exact sort of thing that Lydia Potter, one of the most obnoxious socialites in the wizarding world, would do. He would never stand for that. No matter what happened, he could never end up like her.

"It'll change." James said firmly, "It- well, it'll be odd, but I'm tired of acting stupid."

"Good." Lily said, giving him a beaming, dimpled smile, "I was so afraid that this whole thing would be a long, drawn out, soap opera-esque affair."

"Soap what?"

"Oh, goodness, you don't know what a soap opera is, do you?" she asked incredulously, "It's the most idiotic and amusing form of entertainment that muggles have ever invented. That's what I was just reading, actually- Petty always owls me the latest events on Coronation Street."

"Where is that?"

"Coronation Street. It's the name of a- James, sit down, I have a lot to teach you."

For the next few hours, James would find himself immersed in a whole separate world, and by the time Lily had filled him in on the whole thing, he was able to speak names such as Dierdre Langton, Gordon Clegg, and Ernest Bishop as though he had known them all his life.

* * *

Just a note- I have never seen Coronation Street, and the names I have used (Dierdre Langton, Gordon Clegg, and Ernest ) are ones that I found while researching the show, and I have no idea of the significance of their characters in late 1977. Also, I have read that the term 'soap opera' was not used in England until the 1980's, but I couldn't think of any better term for it, especially in the context that it is used for in this chapter. I just thought I'd clarify those things now!

In response to my wonderful reviews (89!) and reviewers- thank you so much! I thought it especially funny how some people loved Hestia and others thought she was extremely annoying. Which she is, but I love her anyway :D Lots of Lily in this chapter to make up for the complete lack of her last chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it!


	11. Ragamuffins and an Unwelcome Discovery

Chapter 11: Ragamuffins and an Unwelcome Discovery

The thing that always annoyed James to no end was how everyone seemed to forget about Voldemort. They seemed to always manage it, though he was at their doorstep, breathing down their necks so to speak. Just because they were in the one safe place there was, it didn't mean that they could ignore the world around them, did it?

He massaged his temples as he put down the latest edition of the Evening Prophet. He'd faced Voldemort once before, but that was in the beginning, before he was infamous, before everyone knew his name- though how they knew it when nobody said it, James was never sure.

He couldn't help glancing at the paper once more. Seventeen people dead, including fifteen muggles and two aurors. The dead aurors' pictures were looking up from the page, grave and daring anybody to deny the seriousness of their jobs. And James wondered once more, though he was almost certain it had to do with cowardice, why he did not want to be an auror and have a serious job trying to save people from the things they seemed to forget, or were not aware of at all.

* * *

"You know," Lily said to James one day, "I notice that during prefect meetings, you and Severus don't actually pay much attention to each other."

They were the only ones in the room, cleaning up after said meeting. It was particularly messy; it was less than a week until Halloween and somebody had had the idea to pass out sweets. Somehow or other, supposedly responsible teenagers had managed to make a bigger mess than James would have expected from a group of five year olds. And, as could only be expected, the instant that cleanup had been mentioned, James and Lily had been the only ones standing there.

James shrugged at what Lily said.

"Not like I care about him that much." It was true. While the other prefects, even Remus, had gotten so lighthearted as to engage into a candy-throwing match, Snape had continued to skulk in the corner. James found his behavior altogether depressing, and couldn't even be bothered to come up with a proper insult for him.

"I like that, though. It makes me think you two could manage to be civil to one another."

James laughed and chose not to reply. Lily crossed her arms.

"Oh, come off it, you could! You know you could."

"But that doesn't mean I _want_ to. We're not all like you."

"Who's we?"

"People who hate Snape. Which is pretty much everyone."

Lily took this surprisingly lightly, and James barely managed to hide a grin. Somehow things had changed between them when they'd come to their agreement, and more and more often he was finding the awkwardness around her disappearing, replaced with a witty banter that shocked him with how similar it could be to his conversations with Sirius. When James had bared the truth to Sirius, palms sweating and nervous to the point of irrationality, he had absolutely stunned him by smiling distractedly.

"That's nice." Sirius had said calmly, "Hey Wormtail, d'you mind going down to Hogsmeade and getting some more sugar quills? I'm dying in Binns's class without them…"

Lily, too, had been a bit suspicious at that, but she'd still taken it lightly.

"Why challenge a good thing?" she'd asked.

The thing of it was, James didn't think it _was_ a good thing; Sirius wasn't like that. He did not like being lied to, no matter how many times he himself lied, and James had denied, time and time again, any connection with Lily whatsoever. This left one of two options; either this went exactly according to his original plan (which he doubted) or he was completely distracted by something else and would find the time to deal with this revelation later. Neither one of these options particularly appealed to him.

"James? James!"

Lily was staring at him, as though waiting for an answer.

"Huh? What?"

"I asked you if you'd help me get that." She pointed at a spot on the ceiling a few feet above them, and he saw that a candy had managed to get stuck up there. He gave her a funny look.

"Is this a test?"

"What?"

"Because you can stop doing those."

"James, I'm not-"

"In fact, I'm sort of offended that you-"

"Listen to me!" she half laughed, half shouted, "I can't get it, I've forgotten my wand. I promise." she added, seeing the look of deep suspicion on his face.

"Fine." he grunted, and with a wave of his wand, the candy came floating gently down into his hand. Handing it to her he said, grudgingly,

"I suppose that would explain why you're doing it all by hand."

"And I suppose that means that you were doing it because I was? How sweet!"

"Er- no." James rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Then why weren't you-"

"I can't do charms. Well, I _passed_ Charms, but I- that is to say-" he began fidgeting with his wand.

"So…you're saying that you've never been taught how to do a proper cleaning spell, so you manage to find clever ways to make other people do it for you."

He gave her a reproachful look.

"It's not- look, it's not as manipulative as you're making it out to be."

"I didn't think it was, I was exaggerating to give you a bit of shame." Lily patted his shoulder familiarly; James flinched a little, and Lily pretended not to notice.

"Honestly, though." she said, taking his wand from his hand and flicking it at the mess, "You ought to consider getting somebody to teach it to you. I'm sure Flitwick would be happy to."

"Erm- probably not." he said, watching the wrappers and sweets littering the floor, as well as the bag they had been putting all of it in, disappear. The last day of Charms in their fifth year, Sirius had set Professor Flitwick's eyebrows on fire and he himself had managed to cause him to go flying out the window, causing him to call the pair of them "a set of ruffians" and "outrageous ragamuffins", among other things. James highly doubted that he ever wanted to see either of their faces ever again.

Explaining this to Lily, she began laughing.

"Did he really use those words?" she asked once her giggles subsided. Once he assured her that he had, she shook her head.

"Goodness, I can't imagine that." She sighed happily. "That's wonderful, though, in a horrible way." Handing James his wand back, she said, as though having made an important decision, "I suppose I'll teach you then."

"It's not important, really, I don't-"

"Of course you need it. Unless you intend to live like a muggle?"

"I'll always have a House-elf."

Lily looked disgruntled.

"That's cheating."

"Some people could say that about magic."

"…that's true."

James smiled smugly, then got a glimpse of the sky out of the window. The smug expression slid right off his face when he saw it. There, clear and bright, hung the full moon.

"Shit." he whispered to himself. He understood why Remus hadn't mentioned it; he wouldn't want to chance Snape overhearing, and he would be having a hard enough time trying to resist the moon's pull as long as possible. But why hadn't Sirius come to tell him? He wasn't honestly planning on handling Moony single handedly, was he? True, Wormtail would be there, but how much help would that be?

"What is it?" For the second time, Lily interrupted his thoughts, a crease appearing between her eyebrows and not bothering to scold him for his language. James shook his head hard.

"I have to go." he mumbled, "I forgot something, something important…"

"I'm guessing that asking to go with you would be stupid."

"Yeah…" The more he thought about it, the more disturbed he became. He'd never missed a transformation that took place at school, and Sirius and Peter _knew_ that. He set off at a sprint at towards the giant double doors in the front, not pausing to speak to Nearly Headless Nick, who seemed to be trying to start a mournful conversation about his impending deathday. Bursting out the doors, he remembered, fleetingly, that he had neither the invisibility cloak or map, making it impossible for him to transform. He cursed under his breath, but decided, as quickly as the thought had come to him, to transform in the tunnel under the tree. Reaching the Whomping Willow, he slumped over, supporting himself with his hands on his knees. He could barely breath, his lungs felt so close to exploding. After a moment, he stood up, then cursed again.

"How the…how the hell am I supposed to get in?" he panted. There was no Wormtail to press the knot for him, and he could see no long sticks lying around. Normally, he would consider waiting until they came out for their romp around the grounds, but something told James that he could not afford to wait, that things were not as normal as they appeared. Closing his eyes tight, James made a wild, desperate leap, and at once he was caught up by the branches.

"Oh fuck, _oh God._"

He whispered this at a rapid pace to himself as he was swung back and forth, clinging for dear life. Though he was a Quidditch player and loved to fly, this was something completely different. They boughs of the relatively young tree were strong, and they whipped his face and body mercilessly. His glasses were knocked to the ground, and he was left swinging around as vague black blurs surrounded him on all sides. Finally, he did the only thing there was left to do; he jumped.

When he landed, he hit the base of the tree hard. It appeared that he had managed to inadvertently hit the knot in his fall, and he was left to pick up and replace his cracked glasses on his nose.

"What the hell am I doing?" he hissed. But something in his gut told him that no matter what, even if nothing out of the ordinary was happening, he had to know _now_, because if something did…well, he'd never be able to forgive himself. Dragging himself up, blood and a spider web-shaped crack in his glasses obstructing his vision, he went down into the gap in the roots and followed the tunnel.

"Lumos." he hissed, and the tip of his wand lit up.

There was an eerie quiet, and James realized, surprised, that Wormtail and Padfoot weren't there yet. He frowned; there was _definitely_ something wrong. They were always there by now…he decided, until he spotted some sign that they were there, not to transform. He emerged out of the tunnel to the house and shined his wand around. Examining the thin layer of dust that had blanketed the floor in it's month of disuse, he realized that there were footprints. Human footprints.

One of them was Remus's stumbling and weak. The other one he didn't recognize, but he knew it wasn't supposed to be there. He ran after the footprints, and he found himself coming before the door that he knew Remus was in, whining and scratching, wondering why his friends hadn't come, furious about it. And standing there, his hand resting on the knob, was none other than Severus Snape. James had to put a hand on the wall from stumbling back in shock and horror.

When Snape heard footsteps behind him, he turned around, and seeing James, he grinned.

"I knew it." Snape croaked, "I always thought…and he is. Lupin…he's a werewolf, a filthy werewolf, at this school!"

"Snape." James said, "You don't know what you're talking about." He found himself acting unreasonably calm. Though a small part of him wanted Snape to open the door, to see exactly what Remus had become, another part, the responsible and, ultimately, the bigger part, knew that _he could not allow this to happen._ If not for Snape, then for Remus.

"It seems that I do; more than you, at any rate." he sneered, taking in James's bloody, disheveled appearance, "Black, the idiot, he told me everything I needed to know. Finally, you fools will get what you deserve. I should think that expulsion would be the very lightest of punishments."

James's blood went cold at the mention of Sirius. However, he tried not to show this to Snape.

"Snape, you don't-"

"Silence, Potter!" Snape shrieked. He pointed his wand at James's head. James froze, and Snape's smile widened, half-crazed.

"And now," he said, licking his lips, "the time has come for me to see it for myself." Like a flash, Snape turned the knob and opened the door.

At once, Moony was upon him, mad and eager for blood. He was on Snape's chest, Snape's eyes so wide that the whites were threatening to swallow the inky black irises. Just before Moony could sink his teeth into Snape's throat, Prongs had leapt at him, pinning him down with his hoofed feet. Moony growled at this show of disrespect and theft from one he considered a friend, and tried to bite Prongs's leg off. Prongs dodged, then kicked Moony hard, so hard that he ricocheted off the door frame and back into the room that he'd come from. James changed back, then hastily slammed the door shut, trying hard to ignore the heart wrenching whimpering sound that Moony was now making. He turned and found, to his immense relief, that Snape had already fainted and presumably hadn't seen him change into Prongs or back.

James levitated Snape back to the tunnel and out of the Whomping Willow (which was still frozen) and toward the castle. As he passed the greenhouses, two shadows darted about, then appeared next to him as they recognized who he was. He didn't stop, and a moment later he knew they had transformed, because Sirius's voice came floating toward him.

"Oi! Potter, wait up!"

Sirius and Peter appeared on either side of him, both of them looking into his face expectantly.

"James…James, come off it, you aren't _mad_, are you? He's a prat! He doesn't deserve any less than that, always snooping around as he does…" Sirius, as he watched James's expression, seemed to become less and less certain of his own words.

"James…at least…look at me, for God's sakes, look at me!" he sounded on the verge of tears, desperate to be comforted, to know that he and James were still on the same side.

But James could not look at him. Though he was furious and hurting in places that he didn't know could hurt, he felt more sad than anything else. Sad at what Remus would have to wake up to, sad at what Dumbledore would be forced to say, sad that Sirius didn't even know what he'd done that was so wrong.

And when he figured out that what made him saddest was that Lily would be sad, he didn't know how he could bring himself to forgive him.

* * *

Yes! Another chapter up! (And thus, I shall recieve that large store of cyber cookies that anarashanaraofthejunglepromised)The big delay (which I really shouldn't be calling that, as I don't know how long I'll be able to update as quickly as I have been) was due, obviously, to digesting HBP. Not reading it, just...digesting it. Though I'm not going to say much about it (though I should hope you've read it- if not, why are you on a website that has so much potential to spoil it for you?) I was a bit...shocked by some things, and it caused some parts of the later storyline to need rewriting, but luckily, this story is a bit AU so canon doesn't affect this story as much as others :)

As for the reviews- absolutely mind-boggling. 110! That's 21 reviews since I put the last chapter up! I cannot even express my awe. There were a few things I need to quickly respond to as far as reviews go (I'm in a hurry, otherwise I'd tell each of you how much I loved and took to heart every comment and opinion as to the plot, the characters, everything and anything):

DobbyGrl-Chapter nine, I assure you, is instrumental to the plot. For one thing, itintroduces Hestia Jones and Marlene McKinnon, two very important people (at least in my mind- you'll be free to judge that later), and for another, it gives a bit of insightinto their transformations and forshadows this one. I promise,each chapter has a purpose.;D

Violets-in-Spring- I can definitely see where you're coming from; especially after reading HBP, Lily does bear a striking resemblance to Luna (either because I hadn't reread it lately or I just wasn't paying enough attention, I did not notice this when I first started writing it), especially in the way they are able to tell the uncomfortable truth in a perfectly comfortable way. However, in my head at least, there are some major differences; for one thing, while Lily would find things like nargles to be highly amusing, she would never actually believe in them, and would be surprised that other people would. But agh, I'm saying too much, I just hope to be able to show their differences later. But I was so glad to be reminded of how similar they are because, as I've said, at first I didn't even notice!


	12. Werewolves and Chocolate

Chapter 12: Werewolves and Chocolate

When he got to the Hospital Wing, what surprised James was how everyone was so concerned about _him_. Sirius and Peter, though they realized that they were being ignored, still trailed after him the whole way there, then whispered things to each other every few minutes. James wanted to tell them to leave, but he didn't really- a vindictive and at the same time justice-seeking voice inside told him that they ought to be here to explain everything to Remus themselves. He didn't get to say anything to them, however, due to the excessive attention that Madame Pomfrey was paying to him.

"Potter, I expect an explanation after I'm through with you." Madame Pomfrey said, examining him closely, "To think, I was foolish enough to imagine that I wouldn't have to lay eyes on you this year…"

"But shouldn't you be looking at…" He pointed at Snape helplessly, searching for some way, any way, to get some breathing room. She didn't reply until she had carefully examined up each of his nostrils.

"Nonsense, he's fine." she said, "And luckily, there's nothing more than scratches here, even if some of them are a bit deep." She waved her wand, and the injuries began to close up. With another flick, he could feel the blood, which had begun crusting over, being washed from his face. He grimaced, but instead of saying anything he turned to look at Snape. He seemed to be halfway conscious, occasionally moaning and his face set in a frown that hadn't been there before. James felt a nervous tremor run down his spine. He knew it wasn't really his fault, but he felt that if he had been paying closer attention to Sirius he might have figured out what he was doing.

"You're all finished." Madame Pomfrey said, smiling grimly. "And have I made it clear to you that I don't want to see you- or any of you, for that matter-" she gave Sirius and Peter pointed looks, "again?"

They nodded, and she left, presumably to go to sleep.

Sirius kept sneaking sidelong glances at James, as though he wanted to say something but was waiting for a time when he looked less upset, or at least more open to listening. James did not think he would be either of these things soon, but he still said,

"What the hell were you two thinking?"

"What do you mean, 'you two'?" Peter asked, his voice even more pitchy than usual, "It wasn't _my_ idea, I'll have you know!"

Sirius gave Peter the most dirty look he could, and James couldn't help thinking that he deserved it.

"Shut it." he growled, "You certainly didn't protest when I told you about it." Peter blushed and ducked his head. Sirius turned back to James and said, almost accusingly,

"Look, Snape kept trying to figure out what Moony was doing. He would've figured it out on his own! Probably already did, it isn't like the oily bastard has anything better to do with his time."

"So you figured, why not point him in the right direction?"

"Exactly!" Sirius said fiercely, "That'll teach him what happens when you stick your slimy honking nose in other people's business!"

"Black, you must be the biggest idiot I've ever met." James said, his voice low and disgusted, "Didn't it ever occur to you that Moony could kill him?"

Sirius hesitated, then said in a slightly whining voice,

"Pete and I weren't far away…we would've…you know we wouldn't have just let him stay, he wasn't in there long…"

"IT WAS LONG ENOUGH!" James roared, making Peter and Sirius jump, "HE COULD HAVE BEEN RIPPED APART, IT WAS LONG ENOUGH TO-" he stopped himself just in time, then lowered his voice back to a deadly whisper, "It was long enough to turn him into a werewolf. One bite, that's all it took for Moony…" he trailed off, watching as Sirius seemed to positively shrink thinking of the possible outcomes of his behavior. Peter turned away, and James thought that he could hear sniffling. He knew he was right when, a moment later, Sirius elbowed him and said, gruffly,

"Shut it, you fat baby." Peter sniffed once more, and then he was silent.

"And if that's not bad enough, Moony won't remember any of it in the morning."

Sirius looked into James's eyes, stricken.

"Please don't make me- I can't- James, don't make me tell him, how will I-"

James hesitated as he saw the pure agony on Sirius's face. He knew that if it was him, he'd be begging Sirius in the same exact way. But he clenched his jaw and told himself that first, he would never do something like that, and second, he knew what the righteous was, and that wasn't it.

"If you want, I'll tell him." James began, and held up a hand as Sirius started to thank him, "But," he continued, "if you can't tell him yourself, I'll lose any respect that I ever had for you."

If James had just said that any other day in any other situation, Sirius would have laughed and agreed, even going so far as to express surprise that James had any for him at all. But something about the night, about the seriousness in James's face, conveyed to him the magnitude of that loss of respect. He went pale and sat down on one of the empty beds, deep in thought. Peter looked at both of them, then asked, in a quivering voice,

"What about me, then?"

Sirius and James turned to look at him, surprise visibly etched on their features. For all the years they'd known him, Peter had never wanted to claim his responsibility in any wrongdoing, and they had clearly expected him to saunter back to the Gryffindor common room unmentioned and uninvolved. Seeing this and knowing what it meant, Peter said, hesitantly,

"I- I like Remus. And I- I'm sorry."

Then Peter and Sirius turned to James, and he realized, with some surprise and dismay, that they had come to regard him as the voice of justice. He cleared his throat.

"Right." he said, "Er- you can tell him too. What you did, I mean. Take turns and the like."

"Right." Peter echoed, nodding. He went to sit down next to Sirius, and they all fell into silence.

Ten minutes later, Snape woke up, screaming.

"Snape, what in heaven's name happened?" Madame Pomfrey cried as she rushed in, wearing a nightdress and clearly grumpy at being disturbed from her attempts at sleep. Realizing that James, Sirius, and Peter were still there, she frowned.

"And what are you boys doing here?" she asked, "You're all fixed, you can-"

"Werewolf!" Snape shouted, "He's a werewolf, they all know, Black tried to get me killed!" He pointed a finger at Sirius as though to prove his point, and Sirius said ashamedly,

"Didn't your mum teach you manners? It's rude to point."

James, meanwhile, checked to make sure no one had heard what Snape had said, and was relieved and slightly unnerved to see the only other patient had managed to banish his own ears.

"I'm sure _your_ mother will love to hear about it when you're expelled, Black." Snape said, baring his yellow teeth in a gruesome smile. Madame Pomfrey looked stricken.

"You know about Lupin's condition, Snape?" she asked gravely. Snape's smile disappeared, and he frowned at her.

"You mean you _knew _he was a werewolf?"

"Yes, of course." Madame Pomfrey said distractedly, "I must get Professor Dumbledore at once…" she hurried out, and as soon as she left, Sirius made a rude hand gesture at Snape.

"Bastard." he hissed, "Bringing up my mum…"

If James had been on good terms with Sirius, he might have teased him and reminded him that he had done the same, but he didn't want to speak to him again until Remus came back and had issued his verdict. Snape, meanwhile, was in a state of shock.

"They…knew? And they…" He was looking wide-eyed at his hands, as though they were a math problem that he had thought he'd done perfectly, but still had the wrong answer to.

Madame Pomfrey came back a few minutes later, Dumbledore fully dressed and looking more serious than James had ever seen him. Madame Pomfrey left once more, leaving Dumbledore on his own.

"Mr. Snape." Dumbledore said, stopping at the foot of Snape's bed and casting the rest of them a quick glance, "I see you've found out about Mr. Lupin's unique circumstance."

"He's a _werewolf_, Professor." Snape said through gritted teeth.

"Yes." Dumbledore said sadly, "A rather unfortunate occurrence to happen to someone so young."

"So you knew." Snape said, breathing through his nose heavily, "_Everyone_ knew, but he's allowed to stay."

"The staff knows, and we must make allowances accordingly. I can only assume by their taking this with calm that Misters Black, Potter, and Pettigrew know as well. However, they are the only ones who know, and I expect you not to say a word about it to anyone else."

"And Lupin's allowed to stay here?"

"He is allowed to stay here under the same conditions that you are, Mr. Snape. A slight problem once a month will not be used as grounds for expulsion, at least not at this school." Dumbledore smiled thinly at Snape, as though had suddenly become very tired. Snape seemed to be waging an internal battle, then said, finally,

"What about Black?"

"What about Mr. Black?"

"He's the one who told me how to get to Lupin. I could have been killed because of him! Going around, dropping hints about it, and telling me how to get in without actually making clear the danger he _knew_ I'd be in…"

Dumbledore finally turned completely away from Snape to look at Sirius, who was bowing his head and looking like he wanted to die.

"That is a serious accusation, Mr. Snape." Dumbledore said after a long silence, "Mr. Black, is that true?"

Slowly, without meeting his eyes, Sirius nodded.

"I see. Well, I expect you'll be wanting to go back to your dormitory, Mr. Snape, while I have a word with these young gentlemen." James once again felt guilty, though he knew that he hadn't done anything wrong. He _thought_ that Dumbledore would believe him, but he couldn't be sure.

"That's not all!" Snape said sharply, desperate to say as much as he could before he left, "Pettigrew, he was there when Black told me how to get into the Willow! He didn't say a word, a smirk on his face like the rest of them! And Potter- he-" Snape's face contorted as he tried to think of exactly what to say, "he must have known, even if I didn't actually see him! He's the Head Boy and best friend of these two monkeys, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't _plan_ it!"

"Oh, my," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling a little as he looked at James, "is that so?"

"Yes!" Snape cried manically, "Finally thought about losing his Head Boy and Quidditch Captain positions and decided he'd make himself a right little hero to add to his status! And he tried to save his own skin after it was almost too late, the coward!"

"Coward!" James cried, leaping up, "That's what you call me, after I save your sorry-"

"That's enough, both of you." Dumbledore said, "Mr. Snape, I think it is high time you return to your dormitory, and remember what I have said- not a word to anyone. As for you three, I will want to have a discussion with you privately." James sank back down, glowering.

"Are you going to expel them?" Snape asked, leaning forward eagerly. Dumbledore gave him a stern look.

"It is not your place or mine to discuss any other student's punishment. However," he added slowly, seeing the looks of dread that Sirius, James, and Peter were exchanging, "I think that I can safely say that there will be no one expelled. At least, not tonight." James felt a wave of relief wash over him, as Snape looked crestfallen. Wordlessly, and with as much dignity as he could muster, he rose from his bed and left the hospital wing, only pausing to give Sirius a filthy look, which Sirius mirrored. After they knew he had gone, Dumbledore took a step forward.

"I was going to invite you to my office, but I don't think we're in danger of being overheard." He smiled serenely at the earless boy, who was muttering in his sleep, then turned back to them.

"I think that I can deduce what happened here tonight." he said, "Is there anything else you would care to tell me?"

"It's not their fault." Sirius said after a long stretch of silence, "It's mine. I told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow. Peter didn't really do anything, and James-" he paused and gave James a long, meaningful look, "well, I reckon he's a hero. Somehow he figured out what was going on and stopped Snape before Moo- I mean, Remus, could hurt him."

"He wasn't bitten, was he James?" James was surprised to hear Dumbledore address him by his first name- he'd never called him that, in all the time that he'd known him and been to his office. However, he recovered quickly and shook his head, a wry smile on his face.

"From all that, I think he'd have told you himself, don't you Professor?"

For a second, James could have sworn he saw a smile tugging at the corners of Dumbledore's mouth.

"Be that as it may," he said, "Mr. Black, you could have seriously endangered a student's life. For that, I must take fifty points from Gryffindor and suspend all of your Hogsmeade visits for the rest of the year, as well as detention in the hospital wing for the next two weeks." Sirius looked slightly stricken, but he didn't protest, only saying, hesitantly, "I suppose you'll be taking Quidditch from me too, Sir?"

Dumbledore seemed to consider this for a moment.

"No, I think not, Mr. Black. Not only will Professor McGonagall have my head if I do, but I think that telling Mr. Lupin of what has happened will be punishment enough." Smiling, he turned to leave, then turned back to them.

"Oh yes, I almost forgot. Mr. Potter, while I have not been informed of all the details of how you knew Mr. Snape would be there, I am nonetheless overjoyed to know that you very clearly saved his life, both in the literal sense and from the bleak future that comes of having Mr. Lupin's condition. I therefore congratulate you and reward Gryffindor forty points. It would be more," he said, smiling wider, "but I think that Mr. Black might very well faint if we replaced all the points he lost." Indeed, Sirius was grinning from ear to ear, and had been since being told he could stay on the Quidditch team.

"Th-thank you, Professor." Sirius stuttered. Dumbledore nodded, then swept out of the room.

"He's a good man." Sirius said weakly, "I've always said, I love Dumbledore."

"You know it's better than you deserve." James said, not wanting Sirius to think that what he'd done was less important than it was. Sirius nodded.

"I know. God, I deserve to be expelled." Sirius said. "But I still- I really hope that Remus forgives me, you know?"

"I'm sure he will, Sirius." Peter said bracingly. Sirius looked at James, and James said, slowly,

"I don't know. It's really up to him, isn't it?"

* * *

When Remus was brought in the next morning, his pale face was looking more scratched and bruised than usual. James was already awake, and he shook Sirius and Peter from their naps. At the sight of Remus, Sirius turned pale, and he began to wring his hands. 

"Oh, God." he whispered, "Oh, God, what do I do?"

"Go wait until he wakes up." James whispered back, "Peter, you too." He watched as they got up, looking as though someone had died, and he felt pity, though he didn't want to. Perhaps being sleepy had made him feel a little more lenient, but whatever caused him to feel that, way, he found himself standing up.

"I'll come too." he said. Sirius gave him a sickly smile. When they reached Remus's bedside, they could see he was already partly awake. When he saw them, he frowned slightly.

"I thought that I saw you there." Remus said weakly, "What are you doing here?"

James nudged them, and Sirius and Peter both took a step forward.

"Well- er- Remus," Sirius began, "You- well, that is to say, I-"

Remus's face went pale.

"Did I hurt someone last night?" he interrupted, sitting up with extreme effort and looking at each of their faces, "Did I hurt you?"

"No!" Sirius said hurriedly, "No, it isn't like that, it's me, you haven't done a thing."

"Oh." Remus said, slumping back against the pillows and letting his eyes slip shut, "Well, what is it? I hurt all over, and if it's not important, I really am very tired…"

"It's Snape. He knows." Peter said this, and he said it very quickly, as though hearing it and actually understanding what it meant would hurt him.

Remus opened his eyes very slowly.

"What?"

"He knows." Sirius said, "It's because- well, I told him how to get into the Whomping Willow, and he did the rest, and I think he knew anyway, but God, Moony, I'm so sorry, please don't- well, okay, you can yell at me, but please don't hate me. But if you did I'd understand and…I'm sorry, I really am…" he turned away, and James could see that he , like Peter had earlier, was wiping away tears.

"Sirius…are you crying?" Remus asked.

"No." Sirius said guiltily, wiping his eyes quickly and turning back to face him.

Remus looked at him knowingly.

"I see." James could tell he was biting his tongue, and for a moment, he looked out the window. Then he looked back at the three of them and smiled bitterly.

"I suppose you won't like to hear it, but I'm not really surprised. I expect I've been thinking something like this would happen for a long time."

Sirius and James exchanged looks, and James said, slowly,

"What're you saying, mate? You never really trusted us?"

"No!" Remus shouted loudly, then reddened, "It wasn't anything like that," he said quietly, "it was just-" he paused and took a breath, which reminded them of how tired he was, "When I got bitten, I never really expected to have friends after that. So, after I met you three, I figured it was just a matter of time until you found out, and then I'd sort of…go back to the way I was. And you did find out, but you didn't leave, you became…you know." he said, and James could tell he was worried somebody might over hear him, not knowing that the only patient was earless. "And-"

"Any other decent person would have done it, Remus." James said, speaking for the first time, "A person who doesn't like you for having a little problem like that is a first class arsehole."

Remus shook his head wisely.

"You're saying that because you don't know better." he said, "But I knew, and still know, that things don't work that way, and there had to be somebody else who found out and wouldn't like me because of it." He took another deep breath and smiled, "But it's Severus Snape, and I don't think he thought much of me to begin with."

"So, you're not upset?" Sirius asked incredulously, "It's my fault he knows, and you're still not mad?"

"Oh, I'm still rather annoyed, and I might feel like shouting tomorrow." said Remus, who James knew _never_ shouted, "But I'm really much too tired to do anything about it right now, and like you said, he already knew, right? So in a day or two I should be fine."

Sirius and Peter both stared at him, slack jawed.

"But- but-"

"If you bring chocolate and keep showing me how sorry you are," Remus yawned, "then all will be well, I promise."

"Well…if you want…"

"I do. No go awa-aa-aay." he said, yawning, "I want to sleep, for God's sakes." he rolled over and went to sleep, and giving each other silent looks of awe, they crept silently out of the hospital wing.

"Well…that was unusual." Peter said, breaking their confused silence.

"It's like we always said, he's a bit of a girl." Sirius said thickly, "But bloody hell, how did that happen?"

James, and Peter he knew as well, truly didn't have an answer.

"Maybe…" Sirius said slowly, "Maybe he'll be _really_ upset tomorrow, and _then _he'll say how much he hates me and wants me to die. God, for a while I wanted to die." he sighed, then turned to James with an unspoken question, and when James patted him reassuringly on the back, Sirius got his answer, and he grinned.

"Don't go crying again." James said sternly, and Sirius kicked him.

"It's that damn Peter's fault, being around him so much makes me weepy. Not that I actually _did_ cry, but…you know."

Peter blushed furiously, but all in all, they were in higher spirits than any of them would have imagined a few hours earlier. While James and Peter went back to their dormitory, Sirius took the passage behind the mirror to Hogsmeade and, according to his and Remus's account later that day, bought out every chocolate frog that Honeydukes had.

* * *

Goodness gracious, I wasn't expecting to have this chapter done so quick! It's actually the longest so far, and yes, I know, no Lily. But what can you do? Next chapter- Halloween! How exciting :)

Thank you to the ten people who reviewed in such a small amount of time! Thank you, specifically,to S.B. Kisses,atsuibelulah, man eating plant (you'll just have to wait and see! ;D), indie-rollie, taniita (you nailed that description perfectly! Some of Sirius's traits are not the most attractive, to be sure), dobbygrl, May Olivia (A quick update to make up for the last one!), GoddessoftheMaan (That's the one you usually use, I'm pretty sure), carrietella (I'm sorry to hear that you don't like James, but I can understand why you wouldn't), and EnChAnTiNg-JeWeL-GoDdEsS


	13. Avoidance and Playacting

Chapter 13: Avoidance and Playacting

The next day, James looked up from his homework into Lily's large, grave eyes.

"What the hell are you-"

"James, I have something to tell you."

"What? Can it wait, this homework is really-"

"It's important."

"Fine." He put down his quill, and leaned back, not knowing whether to be annoyed or glad that she had interrupted. The homework itself wasn't what had been causing him all the trouble; rather, his thoughts kept straying to that morning, Sirius's tears and Remus's pale, scratched face.

"It's about Remus."

James's stomach knotted. She couldn't…Snape wouldn't have said something, would he?

"I know about him. His condition, that is." She looked just as nervous as he felt, as though she was afraid to tell him.

"Oh. You do." A cold, shivering feeling of dread settled over him, and he wiped sweating palms on his robes. "Snape- the bastard told you?" As he said it, he felt his throat constrict. Any shred of nobility he might have shown the night before had vanished, replaced with the need to find Snape and kill him, torture him as slowly and painfully as was humanly possible. A flicker of annoyance penetrated Lily's concerned expression.

"No, he didn't." she said, her voice strained and quiet, "I overheard him talking with Professor Dumbledore this morning. I knew something was wrong with Remus, I knew he was sick a lot, but James, I had no idea." She bit her lip and began to crack her knuckles, desperately avoiding looking at him.

James gripped the arms of the armchair he was sitting in.

"So, d'you- well, what the hell are you telling me for?" He started to feel a bit indignant. What right did she have to get him so worried, tell him things she didn't want to say and he didn't want to hear?

"I can't exactly tell him, now can I?" she said, almost sobbing, "You're the only one I can- never mind, it's stupid." She got up and, abruptly as she had come, she left. James sat for a minute, then buried his face in a pillow like he had when he found out he was Head Boy. He felt the same feeling of utter powerlessness that he had felt then, like he wasn't in control of anything happening around him.

* * *

After that, Lily avoided him. Occasionally, he caught her staring thoughtfully at Remus, pity in her eyes, and he found that she had taken to compulsively standing up, taking a few steps in their direction, then sitting down again. He felt bad for her; he could tell she wanted to do something but for once could not think of a way to express how she felt without being insensitive. 

The situation with Remus and Sirius, meanwhile, made no sense to anyone, least of all James. Sometimes they would act as though nothing had happened, laughing and joking. Other times, Remus would acquire a distant look, or Sirius would say something jokingly to him only to be met with a cold stare. James didn't like it, and after a day or so he found himself ignoring entire conversations just so he wouldn't have to notice these small exchanges. He could still talk to Peter, but Peter said very little to him even when he initiated conversation, so caught off guard was he by the sudden, constant attention.

He quickly abandoned Peter and, by the eve of Halloween, he was spending much of his free time seeking out Marlene McKinnon and Hestia Jones. Their company was a welcome distraction from the grim atmosphere he found with his best friends, and they always greeted him warmly. If he ignored the way that Marlene's cheeks would occasionally go pink when he talked to her, he could even imagine that they were his best mates. True, they were girls, but Hestia was quick to eradicate any traces of foolish girlishness in their conversations with a well thought out snort of derision.

That night, they were talking about their plans for the next day.

"Charlie's taking me out to the Forbidden Forest." Hestia said, not bothering to keep her voice down, "We're going to try to capture a thestral."

Marlene arched an eyebrow as James grinned.

"And how do you intend to catch one without having seen anything die, Miss I- Can't- Stand- The- Sight- Of- Blood? "

"Charlie killed your cat, remember? He'll be able to catch it for us." As soon as she said this, Hestia discretely flicked her wand and made a mysterious hissing noise. At once, Marlene's hair disappeared from her head, though she seemed not to notice.

"He _what?_" Marlene screeched, "_He _killed Cassandra?"

"Oh, keep your shirt on, he was six."

"But that was _my_ cat, and he said a fox ate it!"

"One did… after he gave it to him."

"Oh my God!" Marlene's face contorted with rage, "I'll kill him! I'm owling mum about this right now, there is no way he'll get off unharmed…"

James laughed, and Hestia rolled her eyes.

"How about you James?" she asked, "Big Marauder prank this year?"

"Not that I know of." James sobered up a bit; he wouldn't know even if there was one. He always pretended to be asleep when Sirius and Remus came into the dormitory and he'd been ignoring Sirius on their two-way mirror; he just didn't want anything to do with the awkwardness.

"Well, I hope so." Hestia said, stretching like a cat, "That shit is brilliant. I hate you when they happen, but damn, if they don't make the best memories."

James nodded, then excused himself after Charlie headed over. While he wanted to see what Marlene was planning to do with him (he was sure that it be both very unpleasant and amusing) he had suddenly grown tired. After stripping to his underwear, taking off his glasses and getting into bed, his last conscious thoughts were wondering whether there would be a prank and, if so, if it would be any good.

* * *

"Jamie…Jamie, wake up." 

James opened his eyes groggily, thinking for a second that he was home. His mum and Sirius were the only ones who called him Jamie, and the voice that had spoken had most definitely been feminine. The figure before him was a blur, but it wasn't Sirius or his mum. It was too short, for one thing, and for another, he could see the vivid red blur that he knew to be the curtains hanging by his bed.

"Here, let me put your glasses on."

"No, let me do it." a second feminine voice chimed in.

"Let me, please let me!" a third cried.

Realizing that there was at least three girls standing around his bed, James thought for a wild moment that his frequent and not exactly unpleasant dream that he owned a harem full of veelas had somehow come true. The image was quickly shattered, however, when a voice said, dryly,

"Shut up, all of you, he doesn't want that shit. Just hand him his glasses and let him do it himself!"

He recognized the 'shit' at once- Hestia. Trying not to feel too disappointed, he took the glasses that were being thrust at him, he put them on and looked around, then let out a strangled cry. There were at least ten girls standing around his bed, all looking at him with unabashed adoration.

"Good morning, Jamie." said the first girl who had spoken, a tall auburn haired girl, "I'm so glad you're awake. Here, I picked some clothes out for you." She offered them to him, neatly folded. With shaking hands, James reached for them, but they were knocked out of the girl's hand by a second girl with dark hair and blue eyes.

"Stop it." she growled, "We _all _helped pick it out."

Another girl reached for the pile, but she was pushed down by a fourth girl, and it looked like a giant catfight was about to break out.

"Clothes!" James yelped, becoming aware that he was dressed only in boxer shorts. Hestia picked them up and stuffed them into his arms.

"Take these, and I suggest you get them on now… you'll need them."

"What…what's going on?" he hissed to her when he realized that the girls were not planning on leaving for him to dress.

"I thought you knew. This shit seems your style."

"No, it's… shit, it's Halloween, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. And you should either get over your fucking modesty and get dressed in the open, or start dressing under the blanket."

After a moment's hesitation, James chose the second option, which he thought the awaiting group of girls seemed rather disappointed about.

"Sirius, what the hell did you do?" he muttered. He had a suspicion, but it couldn't be possible…

"No funny business under there, either." Hestia added. James popped his head above the blanket to give her a dirty look, but it wasn't necessary; the other girls had already rounded on her.

"What are you saying?" one asked.

"James wouldn't- he's much more decent than that!"

"He _is _my boyfriend, after all." This came from a girl that James had never even seen before. Hestia cackled at them.

"Believe what you want. All boys are the same."

James went back under the blanket and finished dressing, wondering what in the world they were teaching thirteen year olds these days.

When he emerged fully dressed, he had to literally battle girls to get down the stairs. Apparently, the ones who had been waiting in his room were the uncreative ones, and the more ardent admirers were waiting for him outside the dormitory to display their affection. James was convinced that he spotted a bust of his head made of cheese, and he had to grip Hestia's bony arm for support. Getting to the common room, James found that the unexplainable admiration was not his only problem- there were boys sitting there who did not look to pleased that their girlfriends were arguing over who got to walk within touching distance of him.

"Hey, Potter." said Barty Crouch, a menacing gleam in his eye, "Mind having a talk?"

"Er- I can't." James said, thinking quickly, "I- er-"

"James, you arse, just run!" Hestia hissed, kicking him in the leg. Wondering if that was supposed to propel him forward, he nevertheless took her advice and was quickly out the door.

"Morning, Mate!" Sirius said cheerfully when he reached the Gryffindor table, out of breath, "Get a good night's rest? Nice walk down?"

"What the hell did you do?" James asked through gritted teeth. Any doubt that James might have had about his friend's guilt was removed by the grins he was exchanging with Peter and even Remus, who looked happier than James had seen him in a long time.

"Why do you-"

"Sirius, I can write a letter to my mum and tell her to get rid of all your dirty magazines."

Sirius's grin evaporated.

"Not on, mate. What sort of friend are you?"

"None at all at the moment. What'd you do?"

Sirius leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers.

"James, for a while I've had a prank idea churning in here." He pointed at his head, "Originally, I was going to use it on your precious Evans-"

"She's not my precious _anything-_"

"Look, do you want to hear what I'm saying or not?"

James closed his mouth and Sirius smiled, clearly enjoying himself.

"Now, I was going to use it on her, but I knew it wouldn't have desired effect. So then, of course, I resorted to my old favorite, Snivellus. But I knew that, due to recent events-" he cast a worried glance at Remus, who seemed completely unperturbed, "that that wouldn't quite work out. And I thought, as Halloween drew near, who the hell, then? And then I came on the solution- who better than my dear, lonely friend Prongs?"

"Who better for _what_, exactly?"

"You need a girlfriend, or at least a good healthy snog. You keep saying Evans isn't the one for you, and I believe in that wholeheartedly, so I figured why not give you a shot at every girl in the Gryffindor tower? Well, not all- I don't approve of cradle robbing, so only fifth years and up."

"Are you telling me that you…" James trailed off, not even daring to voice his worst fear.

"You know, it's a funny thing about girls." Sirius said lightly, "They'll take candy from anyone and not even think to question its contents."

"You fucking put love potion _in their sweets_?"

"Relax, Jamie, it's only for today. It's not like half of them aren't secretly in love with either you or me anyway."

James stared wordlessly at how coolly Sirius was taking the whole situation, as though having a large mob of girls after you wasn't a big thing. Perhaps to him it wasn't, but to James, who had always tried to remain low-key when it came to girls- not to mention was slightly afraid of them- it was overwhelming. Shaking with rage, he went to sit as far from his friends as possible, and that, coincidentally, happened to be right next to where Lily was sitting. Looking at her and the seat awkwardly, she smiled and patted the seat.

"You can sit here- it's alright." she said nicely, "Severus has been in a bad mood, so I haven't had many people to talk to."

"Like Snape talks." James said, sitting down. He was at once wary- she was being unusually nice to him. Had Sirius given her some tainted candy too?

"He could be such a fascinating conversationalist." Lily sighed, "But he's restricted by the life his parents built for him."

"It's his own damn fault he's an arse."

"He's not an- he's not anything having to do with the posterior. There are much worse people."

"Look, let's not talk about this." James said abruptly, reaching for his goblet, "It's Halloween, and it's the worst bloody day of my life."

"Why?" Lily propped her head up on her hand and gazed at him.

"You haven't noticed?"

"Well of course I have, but I don't know what's good to bring up and what isn't."

"All of it's bad. My life is bad." James had just said it to be melodramatic, but as soon as the words escaped his lips, he knew he thought they were true. Aside from a few dimly glowing parts of his life, everything, especially his future, seemed grim. He felt himself begin to deflate at the sudden onslaught of depression.

Lily grasped his hand and gave him a smile.

"It gets better, dear." she said in a mollifying voice, "Having a group of girls tripping after you will not destroy you. Think about how many boys wish they were you right now!" she jerked her head toward the girls, who were watching James and Lily with identical expressions of jealousy and longing on their faces. James could see that the combined efforts of Hestia and her boyfriend Charlie were keeping them from forming something akin to a stampede.

"Not many people can say that they've had that sort of problem." she continued.

"They don't know what it's like." James said, and he knew he wasn't just talking about this one instance.

"It gets better." Lily repeated, somehow interpreting what he was thinking, "If you want, I'll help you."

James felt a smile come to his face, though neither of them could say what it was she planned to help him with.

"How much d'you reckon McGonagall will hate this?"

"As it's Monday, she'll absolutely despise you."

"I can only hope."

"It won't be so horrible."

"Lily?"

"Hm?"

"You didn't eat any sweets today, did you?"

Lily smiled mysteriously.

"I refuse to divulge such a secret. It allows me to act however I choose, even if it's just playacting. Have you smoked lately?"

James rolled his eyes and attempted to throw his hands up, but Lily was still grasping one of them tightly. He eyed it nervously, then put it out of his mind.

"Don't answer me if you don't want." Lily said, "And please don't get upset."

"Why did you ask if you didn't want me to do anything?"

"Because," Lily said, turning in her seat and pulling an opened letter out of her bag, "Petty sent me the latest on Coronation Street." She waved it in front of James's face, "The longer it's been, the more I'll tell you."

James tried to look at the letter with disdain, but couldn't help the creeping curiosity.

"I smoked one yesterday."

"Only one?"

"Yeah." Ever since Lily had hexed his cigarettes, James had been wary of them. Though he doubted, at this point, that she would do something of that sort again, he was always a bit nervous about it, and even at the times when his cravings for them became irresistible, he was finding it harder to enjoy them than it had used to be.

"That's great." she said, "If you can handle these girls gracefully, I promise you can read all of it."

James frowned jokingly.

"I thought you would read it to me." He didn't know what caused him to say it, but he was pleased when Lily's smile grew.

"Well, then, Mr. Potter, in that case we had better hurry before Hestia gives up on us. She looks close to it."

Indeed, Hestia looked red-faced and her swearing was so loud that Professor McGonagall was swooping down from the head table to confront her about it.

"And the plan is?"

"Act as though this is normal and ignore them."

"Funny. I was expecting something more profound and heartfelt from you."

"It ruins the effect if you're expecting it." Lily said, sticking her tongue out, "Besides, I could very well be acting on the effects of a love potion."

"As long as you aren't trying to get me into a broom closet."

Lily gave him an amused look.

"They're overrated."

James choked on the pumpkin juice that he'd brought to his lips.

"Goodness, James!" Lily said, pounding him on the back, "I wasn't speaking out of experience!"

James didn't say anything else and resumed normal conversation with her, but nevertheless he made sure to keep a careful eye on who she talked to the next few days, as though expecting to see a snogging partner among them.

* * *

Sorry this update took so long- As the summer draws to a close, so too does my free time for writing. Please don't freak out if I begin to update like a snail- I'm doing the best I can. Before I respond to reviews, I just want to say that some peoples' behavior might have been a little confusing and/or contrary to how they said they would act (coughRemuscough), but that, m'dears, is how life works. I won't delve too deep in it right now, but I'm thinking about writing a one-shot to sort of get into the characters' heads the way James's perception can't. Keep your eyes out for that! Also, James's little bout of depression might have seemed wierd, and all I can say to that is...well, he can be a bit wierd at times. Or maybe I mean human. And you may or may not find out what Lily's talking about with broom closets. Maybe another one-shot?

139 reviews! w00t! Thank you so much to all of you: ivyz, Countess Jackman (thank you! I'm glad you liked it so much), man eating plant (as you can see in this chapter, forgiveness in this chapter is a little harder for Remus than even he thought, poor dear), indie-rollie (isn't he? Oh, having someone dress up as Dumbledore would be sooo fun to write, but then I'd feel like I was stealing from the Shoebox Project, and that would be like stealing from the gods), Snowflake Ginny (Thank you! Sorry I haven't gotten around to reading your fics yet, I've been wildly busy, but I planon taking a look!), Violets-in-Spring (I loved writing that part. It was really...well, I won't say fun, but it was neat because while I wrote it I felt like I was really in Sirius's skin), sugur-huny-bun, LilyandJamesLover, May Olivia, IvyClimbing, Philippa (if Sirius's behavior in book five towards Snape is any indication, nothing can really cause him to learn his lesson,at least not completely. And I know what you mean- Moony is so dreamy :D), chazza14, Shunnow, dobbygrl, m-girls, Missrs (Please don't apologize for rambling- long reviews make me the happiest person. As for what you said, there is only one Hermione, I agree, and Lily was her own person- not a Hermione incarnate. As for Remus, I also agreed on that, as you can see here! I'm glad you liked James, because I love him, the idiot :D The reason there is any Peter-bashing at all is because I think at this point he actually is a Death Eater and is used to being ignored and used.), Lauren and Kelly (I responded in my profile), and BabyD4Lyfe.


	14. A Tragedy and a Realization

Chapter 14: A Tragedy and a Realization

Halloween managed to be more enjoyable than James would have expected. He and Lily had taken to naming the girls who pursued him, as most of them were younger and neither James nor Lily knew who they were, even with Lily's uncanny knowledge of people.

"Ursula." Lily said, watching a girl with red hair several shades lighter than hers stalk away after her proposal of marriage had been awkwardly refused, "I definitely think her name is Ursula."

James grinned.

"Are you sure?" he asked, "I thought of her as a Ginger."

"You know, that's so unoriginal for a redhead that I really do think it could be her name. Parents can be rather unoriginal, you know."

"Is that an insult to my name or a compliment?"

"It's what you make of it."

The day passed quickly, and aside from Professor McGonagall shouting at a group of girls who had gathered outside the Transfiguration classroom to serenade James and the expected snickering from Slytherins, it managed to pass with minimal incident. It went so well, in fact, that that night in the common room Lily was able to ask James with some semblance of seriousness,

"So, are you going to miss them?" She gestured towards the girls, who were trying to comfort themselves as they began to reluctantly acknowledge defeat.

"I don't know." he said, rubbing his chin and mock-frowning, "I mean, I really could get used to a fan club…"

Lily smirked.

"But really," she continued, ignoring what he'd said, "do you want my opinion?"

"If I say no, will you still tell me?"

"Of course, but I wanted you to feel you still had a choice in the matter."

"I never do."

"Come off it. Anyway, I don't think it's worth being mad at your friends for. It's just a bit of fun."

"It's- that's not everything."

"From the way you said that, I take it that you don't want to tell me what 'everything' is."

"You know already."

Lily averted her eyes.

"Nobody else knows that. It's not my place to say anything about it. Besides, I don't know if I heard everything or not. I _thought_ I did, but it wasn't as though I was pressing my ear against a door to hear every word…"

James thought for a moment, then said, slowly,

"You…you could tell Remus you know about him, you know."

Lily smiled as she continued to stare at the armchair.

"What good would it do?"

"He'd know you _knew._"

"There's a lot of things people know that they don't have to tell."

"What?"

Lily finally looked up, directing her smile at him.

"Tell you what. When you decide to forgive Sirius completely, not just whatever sort of forgiveness you've got now, then I'll tell Remus what I know."

"How did you know Sirius and I…" he trailed off, allowing his surprise to be apparent.

Lily laughed.

"Haven't you figured out that I know everything?"

"_Right._" James said dryly.

"Come along." Lily said, standing up and patting his arm, "We have a feast to attend."

* * *

It was the first week of November, and the flurry of owls brought in not only the first signs that snow had begun, but the dread that today was the day that James was going to receive his monthly letter from his parents. 

His father never actually contributed to the effort of writing it, but his mum always made sure to make it look like he'd at least glanced over at it as she wrote and made some comment or other, whether it was agreeing with her or telling him to stay out of trouble. No matter what it was, it was completely uncomforting and James dreaded feeling obligated to read about his mum's latest escapades in the social world.

Just as he suspected he would, he soon spotted a familiar gray owl, Aristotle, carrying a lavender colored letter. He groaned. He hoped that, just this once, his mum would forget to be herself and write a normal letter.

He had no such luck. His mum had continued to write about Madame Delacour's sister just as she had in September and October's letters, and midway through, after informing him of her preparations for the Christmas ball, she wrote,

_She's so sweet- we've been corresponding regularly, and would you believe that she's absolutely fascinated by Quidditch? I thought that that would please you. I look forward to you two finally getting to meet. I really do think you'll like her, and I hope I'm not getting to far ahead of myself saying you might just change your mind about marriage!_

"You damn well _are_ getting ahead of yourself." James growled, "Bitch." He set the letter on fire then looked up, hoping that he would get another opportunity to scare the owl, but Aristotle had gone, replaced only with a disapproving Lily.

"_James_." she said wearily. "Really. That sort of name calling is really unnecessary."

"You didn't read it." he reassured her, "It deserved it."

"Are you sure?" In spite of what she had said, though, James thought he could see the tiniest of smiles.

"Morning James, Evans." Sirius had come, along with Remus and Peter.

"Hello, Sirius." Lily said. It was clear that, even if he insisted on calling her by her last name, she'd continue to use his first name.

"Feel free to call me Black." Sirius said, sitting down across from James, "I'm used to hearing it from Snivelly."

Lily visibly tensed, and James remembered that Lily had heard Snape talking to Dumbledore- most likely, she knew what Sirius had done. By his name calling and showing that he hadn't learned his lesson, James was afraid that the animosity between them would become so thick that they would never get along, never mind how Lily had told James to forgive him.

"Sirius." James said, glancing at Lily's face, "Maybe- er- could you be nice?"

Sirius gaped at him, and James figured out very quickly that he'd just broken some unspoken rule.

"What?"

"Well…yeah." James said, shifting around in his seat, "I mean- you know that Evans is friends with him."

"_Evans?_" Lily asked, raising her eyebrows. He knew she was highly amused, but he became nervous and felt that they were both putting pressure on him.

"Lily, sorry, Lily." James was beginning to sweat, knowing that things were only getting worse and thinking quickly as to how to get out of the situation. Sirius was glaring daggers at Lily, but she was completely unaware of it, instead watching an owl fly toward her.

"That's odd." Lily said, "Petty and everyone owled me the other day…"

Sirius turned towards James.

"So you're _defending_ her now?" he sneered, "That's really great, James. Put a girl before your best mate. You know, just because she snogs you doesn't mean you have to take her side."

"We do _not_ snog!" James said, his face turning beet red, "You know, you're just a fucking arse, is what you are!"

"Oh, an arse, am I? Well, let me tell you _I'm_ not the one who was turned into a chicken by a girl who he doesn't even get a snog from!"

James was about to reply furiously when Lily made a choking sound. All four of them turned to look at her.

"What the hell?" Sirius asked, bewildered, "Why's she crying, Prongs? Is she that much of a girl? Is she honestly crying _just _because of what I said?"

James ignored his babbling.

"Lily?"

Lily grabbed at her heart, looking as though she was having a hard time breathing. Then she started to make odd sounds, the horrible sounds James expected a dying person would have made, then put her head in her hands and shaking horribly.

"Lily?" he asked again, standing up. But he could already tell, having seen it happen numerous times before. He'd seen it when Remus had gotten a similar letter. Realizing that other people were beginning to notice and knowing it could only make things worse, he quickly grabbed her, ignoring all qualms he had about touching girls, and dragged her out, letting her lean almost completely against him as she sobbed as though her body was breaking in half. He kept going, ignoring all questions and jokes from people who didn't realize how serious the situation was until they were in an empty classroom.

"She's dead. She- my mum-" she bawled, crying so hard that the sobs were barely recognizable. She sounded as though her heart was being ripped into tiny pieces. It hurt James just to hear it, and, instinctively, wrapped his arms around her in an awkward hug. At once, Lily clutched his robes and buried her face into his chest, clinging to him like life itself.

"I c-can't-" she wheezed, choking and hiccupping. "Ohhh…"

She grabbed him around the waist and sobbed heavily. James felt strange; he knew what his personality would dictate in a situation like this, but something inside him was shifting and it was telling him exactly what to do and say. He found words, words that didn't even seem to make sense, tumbling from his mouth before he could even think.

"Shh." he said, "It will be alright…I won't leave you Lily, I promise…" He knew that things wouldn't be alright for her and that his presence could hardly make up for whatever happened, but she nodded quickly and for so long that he began to realize she couldn't make herself stop. Gently, he took her chin in his hand, and she stopped at once.

"You promise?" she sobbed, pulling away slightly and looking at him. Her face was splotchy and her nose was runny, and James found his heart filling with pity and tenderness, two things he didn't find there often. He nodded, and she put her head back in his robes, shaking and sobbing silently until, after what could have been a minute or an hour, she ran out of tears.

"We should leave." she said thickly. "Someone will want this classroom."

"Who cares about them?"

Lily gave him a weak smile, but he could tell she could barely hear him. He sat her down in a chair and sat next to her. She was staring at the floor, as though it caused her too much pain to look anywhere else.

"D'you want to read it?" she asked weakly, putting her head down on a desk.

"Do you want me to?"

Lily shrugged, and he could see, from the trembling of her shoulders, that she had begun another bout of sobbing. He wondered something suddenly- had her mother been killed by Voldemort? Curiosity and dread filling him, James picked up the abandoned letter and read,

_Lily,_

_I'm not quite sure how to write this- do I tell you straight off or say something first? I know how you hate when people inch around a subject, so I'll just tell you straight off. Your mummy died last night, love. She was in a car accident, and the doctors say she probably died at once. _

_Needless to say, this was unexpected, and things are hard. Petunia, especially, is having a hard time adjusting; you know how close they were. She's angry, but know that whatever she says she doesn't mean._

_I'm sorry to have to interrupt your school studies to tell you this, and I'm sorry to disrupt the happiness that you've written about. The funeral is on the seventh, and it's your decision whether you come or not. Petunia and I will understand either way._

_Love,_

_Dad _

James could see several wet spots and scribbles, as though Lily's father had been crying as he wrote and had made several mistakes- whole paragraphs were crossed out. Somehow, though, he was relieved that it hadn't been Voldemort. He didn't say this aloud, because he knew that it didn't make a difference to Lily right now. She'd be crying just as hard even if Voldemort _had _been the source of her mother's death.

"D'you- d'you want me to leave you alone?" James asked awkwardly. Lily stood up at once and grabbed his hands.

"Please don't." she said brokenly, "No matter what I say- don't leave me alone. I can't-" she broke off, and James felt immensely stupid for having even suggested it. Lily lowered herself back into her seat, and as she alternated between stunned silence and hiccupping sobs, James tried to comprehend the reality of the situation. Thinking about it, it didn't seem right. He'd _met_ Lily's mum, he'd _talked_ to her. It seemed like only a moment ago she was threatening him with a knife jokingly. And now, she'd died, died in some silly Muggle thing that he'd barely understood in Muggle Studies. At least, when Remus's mum had died they'd had some warning. She'd always been sick, ever since he'd met her. Lily's mum, though, she had life and energy. How could she just…

When James looked at Lily again, she had lowered her head to the desk, but it was tilted up just enough so that he could see that she had fallen asleep. He studied her face. Tears lined the blotchy surface, and even in her sleep she looked desperately unhappy. It unsettled him and, transfiguring a feather laying on the floor into a handkerchief, he wiped the wetness off her face gently, trying hard not to wake her. She moved and her eyes fluttered, but she didn't wake up.

James found it odd that he could watch her so easily. He'd known since the day he first saw her that Lily was pretty, something that he rarely acknowledged girls to be. And yet, even when he'd seen girls who were prettier than her, some of the most beautiful girls in the wizarding world, he'd soon grow tired of looking at them, their sheer beauty overwhelming and exhausting him. Lily, he realized in that moment, was one person he'd never grown tired of looking at. Even now, when her face looked haggard and swollen, he could barely look away.

"Shit." he whispered, "I fancy her, don't I?" Saying it aloud sounded ridiculous, but the truth in it shook him. He slumped in his seat- yes, he had fancied her for a while now. He'd just been too thick to admit it to himself. The feeling of admission was strange and it made him a bit lightheaded- he'd fancied so few girls, but now the attraction was undeniable, and the more it sunk in, the more a stream of affection that he'd dammed up came pouring out, until he had to tear his eyes away from her to keep from waking her up and telling her, right then and there. But then, something hit him.

"Shit." he said again. How could he tell her? Even in the best of times, he couldn't just _tell_ her that he'd decided he fancied her. For one thing, what if she didn't fancy him? And for another, what if she _did_? Now it would be even worse. He couldn't tell her something like that when she was mourning for her mother. It would be awkward and strange for everyone. James stood up and began to pace, running a hand through his hair. Much as he didn't want to admit it, he wanted to talk to Sirius about it. Sirius had always been the expert on all things girl-related, and now he needed him more than ever.

He was about to rush out when Lily stirred in her sleep. At once, James's knees buckled and he sat down next to her. Having discovered this he didn't want to leave her, as though someone else would discover that they, too, fancied her and tell her before he did. No, it was better not to leave her, he decided. Besides, he'd promised not to leave her alone, and he intended to be there when she woke up.

* * *

I have been waiting to write this chapter forever! Poor Lily. James, even at his most perceptive, could never understand what that feels like:( On the bright side,he finally figured his thick self out! Or at least, he'd like to think he has ;D

Thank you for all the reviews! 21 in 5 days, making 160 altogether! How wonderful :D Thank you to madame-knight (I'm so happy to hear that! I had such anxiety about the reception ofchapter 13!), taniita (I'm so glad you like her :)), Countess Jackman, atsuibelulah, LilyandJamesLover (lol, James is so tortured in this story, poor boy), GoddessoftheMaaN (Your review made me smile so big!), Elspeth Renee, Lo, redbird-flying-away, sugur-huny-bun, Kaitlyn (Thank you for reviewing! I'm so glad you like it), Violets-in-Spring, Scarletteyes, crazyfan4s+s (Thank you! I'm not the best updater, but I try as often as possible )), 3musketteers, May Olivia, and man eating plant (Your hopes were not in vain! Took him long enough :D)


	15. Mothers and Madness

Chapter 15: Mothers and Madness

"Are you going to the funeral?"

James asked Lily the question hesitantly, afraid that it would make her start to cry again. They were sitting in the Gryffindor common room the same day, James deciding to skip classes and Lily not thinking twice about it. Lily was leaning on him, and James was aware of her head on his shoulder, though the nervousness that her touch had once prompted was now replaced with a pleasant tingling.

"I don't know." she said thickly, "I suppose."

"You don't have to. That's what the letter said."

"No. I…I think I have…but I don't…" Lily sniffed, and James had to struggle to keep from stroking her hair comfortingly.

"D'you want me to go with you?"

"Don't ask me." she moaned, turning her head so it was buried completely in his shoulder, "I don't know. I d-don't know anything."

"Time for bed." James said briskly, hoisting her up with a small amount of regret.

"I just slept, James." Lily replied, but she had to stifle a yawn as she did so.

"Goodnight, Lily." he said, pushing her forward.

"G-goodnight." she yawned, hugging herself and climbing up the stairs. James watched her go and, after the door had closed, he looked at the letter, which he had brought along and was now lying on the couch. He picked it up and read it again.

"Damn letter." he muttered for lack of anything else to say. He threw it down, then ran up to his own dormitory and began to rummage through his trunk. After a moment he found what he'd been looking for; his two-way mirror.

"Sirius." he hissed. A faint tremor appeared in the mirror, but no face appeared.

"Sirius, I know you're there!"

After a moment, Sirius's face appeared, looking extremely annoyed.

"James." he said stiffly.

"Are you in class?" James couldn't tell from what little appeared besides Sirius's face if he had placed a silencing charm around him or if he was skiving.

"Yes."

"Look, don't be an arse-"

"You already said that." Sirius said, "Why don't you go talk to Evans, you two seem to be enjoying a romantic day of skiving-"

"Her mum just died, you bastard."

"Oh." Sirius's facial expression flickered, and in that moment James could see that he felt guilty.

"Listen, I need your help."

"What for?"

"I- look, can you get out of there?"

"Depends."

James glared at him, and Sirius sighed.

"I didn't really feel like listening to McGonagall today anyway…"

"Good chap." James grinned at him, and Sirius's face disappeared.

Not a quarter of an hour later, Sirius was standing before him proudly, flicking an invisible speck of dust from his robes.

"I must say, James, even _you_ would have believed me." he boasted, "You should have seen McGonagall's face when I acted like I was going to vomit on her, it was _classic._"

"I'm sure it was."

"Now, what's all the fuss about?"

"I- It's a girl."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"That's _it?_"

"Could you pretend to care for a second?"

"No. Her mum died, you haven't got a chance."

"I know but- wait." James narrowed his eyes at him. "How did you-"

"Well, you told me her mum died."

"But how did you know who-"

"You idiot, I've been saying you fancied her for weeks now."

"But I didn't- I-"

"Shut up. You're thick, and I know you more than you do."

A slow smile spread over James's face.

"You _bastard._"

"Don't say such nice things, I already said you haven't got a chance."

"Why not?"

"James, you insensitive git, her mum is _dead_."

"I know, _I know._" James began to pace and run a hand through his hair. He usually did it when he was lying, but was finding himself doing it more and more often to replace smoking.

"It's not like I don't care." James said after a long time, "I care a hell of a lot, it bothers the shit out of me. But I- damn it, I really- I really fancy her."

Sirius looked mildly surprised.

"Never heard you say that before."

"Never said it before." James muttered. He sat down on his bed and sighed heavily.

"This is pathetic." Sirius said, "_Evans?_ Are you sure? She's friends with Snivellus and feeds House Elves sugar cookies! Forget that she's _mad!_"

"I like her." James said, "And I doubt she feeds House Elves sugar cookies."

Sirius gave him a look that clearly said that nothing should be put past Lily Evans.

"Please Sirius?"

"I'm not saying I won't." Sirius said grudgingly, "But I want to make sure you're sane first."

"I am." James said, and he started to laugh, feeling lighter than he had in a long time. For the first time since he'd met her, he felt that he and Sirius were on the same side as far as she was concerned, and he was pleased that he would finally be able to mention her name without feeling like he was breaching enemy territory.

"I still don't approve of her, I hope you know. I just don't want to see you a lonely virgin when you're 90 years old."

James felt that perhaps he'd expected too much too soon from him.

* * *

That evening, Lily finally came out of her dormitory, looking a good deal calmer. James looked up from his book, and as soon as she saw him she headed over, ignoring the small amount of people who tried to talk to her.

"Are you alright?" he asked her.

Lily regarded him for a moment, then said,

"No. But I can breathe again, I think." Her face contorted, as though she was about to start crying again, but her face quickly resume its normal position. She bit her lip and seemed to be fighting to keep her composure.

"Oh." James looked down at his hands. He didn't know what to say. Finally he asked, awkwardly,

"Are you hungry? D'you want something to eat?" He winced as he said it. What the hell was he doing asking her a question like that? She shook her head, a shadow of a smile appearing.

"I- I'm going to talk to Severus. I suppose he should know, as he's my best friend, right?" James felt a bit annoyed, in spite of himself, that she _still_ considered Snape to be her best friend. However, he nodded and smiled at her.

"Right. Er- well, I hope he…well, never mind." James nodded again and turned back to his book.

"James?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you." As she breathed it out in a rush, she clasped her arms around his neck.

"I didn't do anything." James grunted, trying to ignore the flip-flopping sensation in his stomach.

"Even though I always say Severus is my best friend, I really do think you're the best friend anyone could ask for." She pulled away, tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'll be going now."

"Lily, it's fine." James said, "I don't-" He couldn't think of how to say what he was thinking. Finally, he said, weakly, "Anytime."

A real smile lit up Lily's face, dimples and all.

"I know."

"And- Remus. Remus knows, his mum died, and if you want, you two could-" 'Could what?' a voice in his voice asked 'Talk about their mums being dead?' James quickly changed tactics, "Just don't- don't say sorry."

"Thank you." she said again, and with that she left.

"Poor kid." Hestia said at his shoulder, "I heard about her mum."

"How long have you been there?" James asked, alarmed.

"Long enough to know I won't make fun of you two. Not today, anyway."

"Where's Charlie?"

"Dumbledore's office." Hestia said, her face solemn. "You know all those attacks on muggles lately?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Charlie thinks- and I do too- that we should do something about it."

James gave her a skeptical look.

"What the hell can a bunch of kids do?"

"A hell of a lot!" Hestia said angrily, "I'm tired of being told that we can't do things because we're too young! I think some of those so-called adults have shit for brains, and it's time some smart people stood up to that bastard!"

"How?"

"I dunno." Hestia said, deflating, "I think Charlie has ideas, but he wants to discuss them with Dumbledore first." She began to fiddle with a gold bracelet that James had never noticed there before.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Oh, this? Charlie gave it to me." Hestia smiled, and it caught James off guard with how tender it was.

"You- so you've been dating him a long time?" James didn't know why he asked, but it seemed a subject she was happy to latch upon.

"At least a year. And don't even tell me I'm too young." Her expression turned fierce, "Everybody always acts as though I don't know anything about how I feel, but I do."

"And you fancy him?"

"I love him." Hestia said proudly. She showed James the bracelet, and he caught a brief glimpse of a gold chain with a heart shaped charm on it. She pulled her wrist back and smiled smugly.

"I don't suppose any other boy in the universe who hasn't got money coming out of the seat of their pants has bought their girlfriend jewelry just because he fucking thought she'd like it." she said, "And can you believe my arse of a mum doesn't think I should speak to him anymore?"

"Yeah, I can." James said, thinking of his own mother.

"She wrote me this- this _stupid_ letter." Hestia continued heatedly, "About how I'm effing growing up too fast… I _hate_ her."

James opened his mouth, then closed it. He was, for what seemed the hundredth time, at a loss for words. Before today, he would have agreed wholeheartedly with her and expressed his hatred for his mother, but after seeing how torn apart Lily was at losing her mum, he didn't really know that he did. After all, he was sure that he'd be almost as distraught if his mum died.

At that moment, Charlie clambered in through the portrait hole and ambled up to Hestia, his expression defeated.

"We're too young."

Hestia made a loud sound of annoyance and buried her head into his neck.

"Why?" she cried, her voice muffled. Charlie patted her on the back.

"Dumbledore might be right, Hes." he said soothingly, "After all, we still have school."

"I'll quit school!" came her reply, though it sounded weak.

"Really?" Charlie asked, "Then you won't have me."

"So? You can quit too!"

"No, thanks. I'll finally be able to date the twenty girls who want me."

"Shut up, you dolt." Hestia said, hugging him.

"James can join, though." Charlie said, turning to look at him. James straightened in his chair.

"I can join what?"

"It's some order to help out against You-Know-Who. Did you tell him about…" He trailed off and looked at Hestia expectantly. She nodded, and Charlie turned back to James.

"Well, Dumbledore's been thinking along the same lines as Hes and I have, and he's going to ask people like you and Evans to join a…well, I'm not quite sure what it is, but it's against You-Know-Who, isn't it? Interested?"

James hesitated, then said,

"Yeah, I am." He felt something swelling in his chest, a mixture of excitement and fear at the very thought of it. Charlie looked like he would have liked to say more, but at that moment Hestia said,

"Let's go eat, I'm starving."

"One second." Charlie turned back to James and grinned widely.

"Brilliant Quidditch lately. I don't suppose that I might be able to get on the team?"

James shook his head.

"Not until next year."

Charlie shrugged.

"Never mind. Not worth it if the only decent player is Ludo Bagman. Never met a bigger bastard." Charlie shook his head and joined Hestia, who had taken a few steps. He laced his fingers with hers, and giving her a look that spoke of affection much more mature than James would have expected, he pulled her after him.

James couldn't help feeling foolish that he was jealous of a pair of third years.

* * *

"I hate him."

James was jolted awake by this furious proclamation. He had managed to finish all the reading he needed for Potions, and had dozed off while waiting, as discreetly as possible, for Lily to come back. Now the common room was deserted, and James was surprised to see that the one who had uttered the angry words was Lily herself. Her eyes were glowing eerily, and her hair seemed to actually be aflame.

"What?"

"I hate Severus Snape." she said, her voice high pitched, "You were right, I can't- how could you have been right about him?"

"Lily, what-"

"I don't understand." Lily said despairingly, sinking into the armchair next to him, "Why…How could he just…"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I told him how my mum died, and he just- he didn't- he asked me why I'd interrupt him just for-" she started to breathe heavily, to the point where she was nearly hyperventilating. James put out a hand to support her, but she ignored it.

"I've been friends with him longer than anyone." she said, "And I've told him all sorts of things about my family. But- but now, after all th-the time w-we've known each other, wouldn't he- wouldn't you think he would care that my mummy… my mum…"

"He didn't _care?_"

"HE DIDN'T FUCKING CARE!" Lily screamed it, making James jump. Lily started to laugh maniacally, then gasped and stopped, clutching her head.

"Oh God, I'm going mad." she whispered, "I can't do this, they'll- James, am I mad, please tell me I'm not, maybe everyone's right, and I've never cursed before, but I just did, and-"

"You're not mad." James said, feeling a little frightened and not having a clue what to do.

"I don't know." Lily said softly, glancing at the stairs to the dormitories as though afraid she'd woken everybody up, "Because I've never felt like this, it's like the world's pressing too far in, and I feel like I'll explode if I have to feel it for one more second. I've never- I've never wished I was dead." she continued, "But I'm so close to that, and I-"

"Lily, shut up." James said suddenly, "You're not mad, and I'm here, and just because Snape is a bloody fucking arse doesn't mean that people- I won't let you, I swear I won't."

"I'm sorry." she whispered.

"Don't be."

"But I am, anyway."

James was quiet for a long time, then said,

"At least you're talking. When Remus's mum died, he didn't talk. He wouldn't say anything about it for a week."

"I should be like that. I'll drive everyone mad with my crying and whining."

"Don't be an idiot."

"I won't if you don't let me."

"I won't."

They sat in silence for a long time, in which they both yawned and were illuminated by the crackling fire. Finally, one of them, though James couldn't remember which of them it was the next morning, got up, prompting the other to do the same, and they went their separate ways.

* * *

A lot of conversations in this chapter, but all rather necessary, especially the first mention of the Order. Lily fell asleep a lot because I know that many people, when depressed, tend to sleep often. And Lily cursed, which I think a few people were sort of hoping for:D

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! Specifically, thank you to **LilyandJamesLover **(Lol! Aww, I'm sorry :( ), **S.B. Kisses, Countess Jackman** (Quite right ;DHe's definitely notperfect, butthen, who is**?), taniita**(you don't even _know _how much that review made me grin. Clarification shall come eventually! I was hoping to get Lily's sadness right, I know that it irritates me in some ficswhen she manages to get over _both_ her parents dying in about two paragraphs. And yes, crying can be rather exhausting! Perhaps in stories it happens more than in real life, but it's possible.)**, atsuibelulah** (Of course it has substance! Thank you for reviewing ;D)**, man eating plant **(lol! Well, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?)**, Scarletteyes, GoddessoftheMaaN **(Quite alright, it's nice to hear opinions :D And later on we'll find out more about Lily and Petunia's dynamics.)**, Elspeth Renee **(thank you so much! Of course I will, I'll try to soon!), **winterwind** (Thank you so much!)**, sugur-huny-bun, dobbygrl, Achava **(Thank you, I'm glad you think so! Yes, I think that even comments Slughorn made about Lily indicated a more spunky, spirited girl than a lot of fanfics portray her), **Lady Sonora the Black-Rose, Vanilla Sugar, **and **suckerforlove**


	16. A Fight and a Realist

Chapter 16: A Fight and a Realist

A few days passed, and James was surprised to see that Lily managed to function as normal. It was as though the first day she had spent getting out as much of her sadness as possible; true, she still had a quiet in her voice and a gleam in her eyes that had not been there before, but she resumed classes as normal. The only other changes James noticed were that she barely ate anything at meals and steadfastly ignored Snape, though, curiously enough, Snape actually seemed to try to catch her eye quite often. James detected this with not a little annoyance, until finally, three days after Lily got the letter, he cornered Snape after breakfast in an empty corridor.

"Leave her alone." he barked, already keeping his hand near his wand just in case. He never knew what to expect from Snape.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Potty."

"Leave. Lily. Alone."

"As far as I can see, who I talk to is no concern of yours."

"It is if it's Lily."

"Aww." Snape said, his thin lips curving into a mocking smile, "So Potty fancies a muggleborn. How quaint."

'Damn right I do." James thought to himself, but aloud he said,

"Shut up. You don't know anything."

"I know I'll talk to Lily if I so choose to."

"You'll have to fucking get through me first."

"There's no need, you crass imbecile. Lily and I are quite capable of deciding who we talk to without your interference."

James gritted his teeth. He didn't like the way that Snape said 'Lily and I', as though they were a couple. What right did he have to talk like that, after he'd proven himself to be such a first class bastard?

"You know what, don't even say her _name_. She hates you anyway, so I'm just doing her a favor."

Snape stiffened, then said coolly,

"You don't know what she thinks."

"I know a hell of a lot more than you do, Snivellus. She said she hates you. _Lily Evans_ said she _hates_ you."

Snape was quiet for a long time, then turned on his heel and began to walk away.

"Wait a second, Snivelly!" James said, chasing after him, "I'm not done talking to you. I actually have to ask you something."

"Don't even bother, Potter. I'm sure it's something as idiotic as you are."

"Oh, idiotic, am I?" James asked angrily, "I'm not the one who went and screwed everything up with the one person who actually gave a damn. That's what you did, you git."

Snape sniffed.

"She's a mudblood, Potter. What she thinks, and whether she hates me or not, is no concern of mine. I thought that I would speak with her, but obviously your stupidity has been rubbing off on her."

James stared at him for a second, then punched him in the stomach. As Snape groaned and fell to the floor, James said,

"That was the most pathetic insult I've ever heard."

"Sectumsempra!" Snape wheezed.

A burning sensation slashed across James's cheek and through his chest, and could tell that he was bleeding.

"Shit." James hissed, putting the sleeve of his robe to the cut on his face in an attempt to stop the bleeding, "Snape, you're an even bigger bastard than I thought."

"I wouldn't talk, Potty."

"What the hell could you have to say to her? Do you even-- hell, do you have a heart?" It sounded weak, but James was beyond knowing what words to say. He couldn't even begin to think of a way to convey his disgust that someone could be so frustratingly unredeemable.

Snape got up, a hand balled at his stomach. Without a word, he hobbled away, and James pulled his hand from the cut on his face. It was bleeding heavily, and James began to feel a bit lightheaded.

"Shit shit shit." he whispered. He knew that he should get to Madame Pomfrey at once, but how could he explain a cut that deep? There was no way in hell that he'd resort to tattling- that was something that Snape would do, not him. Hurriedly, he headed toward the hospital wing, ignoring how everything was beginning to spin around him. He realized that his clothes were beginning to stain with blood as well, and his eyes widened.

"Damn it!" he grunted. But all the curse words in the world didn't seem to relieve the pain that was growing by the minute, and before he knew it, everything went dark.

* * *

"James, you git, if you don't wake up I'm going to bloody kill you." The voice that spoke, worried and cracking, was Sirius's. As soon asJames's eyes began to open to the blurry world around him, Sirius wrapped him in a hug.

"Get _off_, you poof!" James said crossly, "And give me my fucking glasses."

At once the glasses were put into his hand, and once he put them on he could see that he was laying in a bed in the hospital wing. Sirius looked anxious, and James could see that it was dark outside.

"What--how long have I been here?"

"Two days, you bastard." Sirius said, bouncing from foot to foot, "We thought you were going to die--"

"Bet you would have liked that, wouldn't you?"

"Shut up, Potter. Pomfrey and Dumbledore didn't know what the hell was wrong with you…"

"It was Snape. He said something…I can't…I don't remember what it was…" James tried to remember, but details of what had happened were all blurred in his mind. He suddenly became aware of a dull, throbbing pain in his chest and face still.

"I was bleeding a lot. It hurt like hell, too."

"It was scary." Sirius said, shaking his head, "I thought…but damn, _Snape_ did that?"

"Yeah."

"Damn. Almost makes me wish Moony'd eaten him."

"Sirius!"

"Well it's true. Even Evans isn't speaking to him."

At the mention of Lily, James frowned.

"Is she alright?"

"What about her?"

"Well, I mean, her mum just died, right?"

"James, you bastard, how the hell can you think of that now? _You_ almost died!"

"I've been hurt worse falling off a broomstick."

"You're thick." Sirius said, shaking his head, "And the answer to what you didn't ask is twice."

"Twice?"

"She visited you twice."

James felt his heart rise slightly. Twice in two days wasn't bad at all.

"And to answer your actual question," Sirius continued, "I don't know."

"How do you not know?"

"Not all of us are watching her all day, you idiot!" Sirius cried, "You're so bloody thick, I can't even say."

"Shut up."

"You shut up. I can't even…God, James, I thought you died!" Sirius looked like he would have liked to hug him again, but James knew it would be awkward. There was a long silence, until Sirius said,

"Will we be like this forever, then?"

"Like what?"

"Half-friends. Will I always have to feel like I'm in the wrong?"

"What are you talking about?" James asked, though an unpleasant sinking in his stomach told him that he did know and didn't want to discuss it. Sirius seemed to know this too, but he explained himself anyway.

"Ever since the whole thing with Moony--I don't even know if that's when it was, it might have been before that--we're only friends half the time. The rest of it we're either insulting each other or avoiding each other."

"That's not true." But James knew that it was.

Sirius sighed, his face dejected.

"Well, if you--never mind. Forget it." He started to walk away, and though James called his name, he didn't turn around. James tried to get out of his bed, but at once he felt light-headed and fell to the floor. Sirius had already left, and there was nobody in any of the other beds.

"Damn." he said. He put a hand on the edge of the bed and attempted to hoist himself up, but it didn't work. He tried a second time, and he fell to the ground. Exhausted by this small effort, he laid on the ground and panted heavily.

"James, what are you doing there?"

He turned towards the door and saw Lily standing there, wide-eyed.

"Did you fall?"

James grunted in reply. There was no way that he was going to tell Lily that he had fallen from his bed. She seemed to know this, too, because a thin smile crept onto her face and she started forward.

"Let me help you up."

"No, thanks. I--I like it here. The floor's cooler." In truth, the floor was rather cold, and he had to struggle not to shiver a little.

Lily's smile widened, until it finally blossomed into a real smile. James couldn't help smiling at the sight of it.

"Well, in that case, shall I take the bed?"

James looked up at the bed with some regret, but he shrugged nonchalantly. Shaking her head knowingly, Lily perched herself on the edge.

"How are you?" James asked her. Her smile faltered, but it was fleeting.

"Don't ask me that. You nearly died." Her eyes grew as wide as they had been when she entered, as though she had momentarily forgotten, and she scanned him over quickly with her eyes. James looked at himself; he was dressed in clean clothes, so there was no sign of the blood that had covered his other ones. He noticed that her eyes lingered on his cheek, so he realized that he must still have a cut there. He wondered, faintly, how bad it would look.

"What happened?" Lily whispered, touching his face lightly. He winced; it stung.

"I'm sorry." she said quickly.

"Don't be." James said, just as quickly.

"Did somebody do that?" Lily asked, her face going pale, "Oh, we were all so scared…we thought you would die…"

"Yeah, that's what Sirius said too." James said jokingly. Lily didn't smile.

"Oh goodness, James, what happened? Who did this to you?" Lily bit her lip, and he had to fight to think as he became singularly aware of his heart pounding in his chest, both at how pretty she looked and because he didn't know what to say.

"I--" He thought quickly. He remembered, as soon as Snape had said the curse, that he had told himself he would not tell who had done it. Now he knew that, not only could he not tell the teachers, but Lily.

"I don't know." he said, "I-- I can't really remember what happened." His heart pounded harder, and he had to fight not to run his hand through his hair nervously. Lily watched him doubtfully, and he thought, for a long moment, that she would voice her suspicion, but then she sighed and hung her head.

"I was so scared, James." she said, "It was so terrible…"

"Well, I'm fine now." James said, laughing uneasily, "So no worries, hm?"

Lily slid off the bed to sit next to him on the ground, then sat in silence, lost in thought.

"What day is it?" James asked finally. Lily jumped, startled out of a daydream, then said,

"It's the sixth. You were here almost two days…"

James thought for a moment, then said, slowly,

"And tomorrow's the seventh."

"Yes." They looked at each other, both thinking the same thing.

"My mum's funeral." Lily said aloud.

"I'll go with you."

Lily laughed hollowly.

"I don't think so. You can't even walk."

"Yes I can. I'm relaxing!"

"On the floor."

James couldn't help smiling, though he persisted.

"I'll be fine. Pomfrey can fix whatever problems I've got."

"It's a miracle she stopped the bleeding, James."

"Well, if one miracle can happen, two can."

Lily ruffled his hair.

"You're so optimistic. When did this change happen, Mr. Potter?"

James remembered how she had called him Mr. Potter over the summer. It seemed like so long ago, though he knew it had only been a few months.

"Around the time you became a realist."

"I never said I was a realist."

"You're a hell of a lot more realistic than you were when I met you."

"Don't be ridiculous. People can't change that much in a few months."

James gave her a look, daring her to think about what she'd just said, and she covered her face, moaning in despair.

"I am changing, aren't I?"

"It's alright."

"No, it isn't." Lily put her hands down and looked at the floor.

"It's- it's just hard to remember what I'm supposed to be like now. I have to think about everything I do. I have to remind myself to smile and eat and all the things that are supposed to come normally. Do you know," she continued, a thin smile returning once again to her face, "that this morning, I forgot to put socks on? I just…I don't know. I guess they didn't seem so important."

"Your shoes are going to give you blisters."

Lily turned to him.

"Who's the realist _now?_"

"Shut up."

"Your overwhelming politeness staggers me."

"As it does everyone."

Lily let out a small laugh, then stood up.

"Let me help you up now."

James was about to protest but, seeing that she would be the last one in the room willing to help him for a while, nodded dejectedly. She put her hands under his armpits and attempted, weakly, to help him up. She gave him a meaningful look.

"Having your help would make this much easier. Even a little bit."

James pushed up with his legs and, after Lily almost dropped him twice, he managed to get on the bed safely.

"Thank you." he sighed, taking delight in the soft warmth his bed offered.

"You're welcome."

"I'm going to that funeral with you."

"No, you're not." Lily's face took on a hard look. "I wouldn't want you to go even if you were in perfect health."

"Why?"

"Because I'll have to concentrate on reassuring you that I'm alright instead of concentrating on not being alright."

"Wait-- what?"

"I have to be sad, James. It's the natural thing to do."

"I never said you couldn't be sad!"

"But it bothers you ever so much when I am." Lily raised her eyebrows, daring him to challenge her, and he sighed as he realized she was right.

"Maybe you haven't changed as much as I thought. Do you have to be sensible?"

"Yes."

"You know, you can be sad in front of me. I don't-- I mean-- am I making it worse?"

"No." Lily's lips began to turn downwards at the corners, and she quickly covered her eyes with her hands.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." she said, "Ignore me. I--" she started to cry, and James found that he _couldn't_ ignore her. Reaching a hand out as far as he could and cursing the fact that he couldn't get any closer, he touched her elbow lightly. She cried for a moment longer, and then it subsided, leaving her looking tired and worn.

"It's late." she said, "It's easier t-to get sad at n-night." she hiccupped, then patted his arm.

"Th-thank you, again." she said, "I'll see you in a few days." Quickly, after giving the cut on his face another long look, she departed, leaving him alone. James looked after her, then up at the ceiling.

Maybe Sirius wasn't so wrong to wish that Moony had eaten Snape, because James thought he might just be on the verge of killing him himself.

* * *

Oh, Snape. Funnily enough, nowwhen he's _not _friends with Lily is when we'll be seeing more of him :D. I didn't realize how slowly their school year is progressing- it's only the second week of November! Just a quick note- I may be editing previous chapters sometime in the (near?) future, nothing major, just grammar and tweaking it to give more descriptions. No storyline changes or anything like that!

Thank you to everyone who reviewed! 15 in three days! You're wonderful. Thank you to **Evercare **(Thank you! I'm so happy to hear that you like Hestia, especially, because she's just the best in my opinion. Thank you, also, for your suggestion- it's something I really do need to work on...I would have started this chapter, but I wanted the format to match up with the rest of the story. However, I'll probably be reworking the story slightly, and if that's the case I shall keep description foremost in my mind :D), **mb4** (Thank you! And I'm so glad to hear that. I love him too ;D), **Elspeth Renee** (thank you, I'm so glad that the characters and emotions were able to make a strong impact on you! And thank you for your email! I will definitely be keeping an eye on your story :)), **sodafizzz19, Goddess of the MaaN** (In my Master Plan or this story, there will be clarification on ALL those dynamics that people have been wondering about. And thank you:D), **sugur-huny-bun, Countess Jackman, May Olivia **(I hope you enjoy this chapter! This chapter, at least, I'm happy to say was uppretty quickly), **DobbyGrl, S.B. Kisses **(there's a little more to Snape than all that I've portrayed so far. He's not_completely_ bad, even if he's not what I'd call a softie, so don't give up hope!)**, Achava **(I'm glad to hear that. I love to hear feedback on how Lily's acting, because, while I'm trying to portray her as accurately as possible, I don't pretend to be an expert.)**, missprongs07, Tia **(thank you! The 'I hope he' doesn't necessarily mean anything, though I imagine that he was going to say 'I hope he's nice to you' but decided it sounded too stupid at the last second),**man eating plant**(It bothers me too. Even though James sees in the beginning of this chapter that she's functioning as normal, she's definitely not going to be having a good old time and go back to some jolly person any time in the near future. And Hestia's one of my favorites :D)and **taniita** (Oh God, no. If James tried to snog her...she'd freak out. I've read stories where that's happened, and my hope is that I'm able to showmore truth in this story, instead of some warped snogfest that seems to take place frequently whenever somebody's parents die. And this is definitely not the last we hear of Snape, by any means.)


	17. A Scar and a Brother

Chapter 17: A Scar and a Brother

"Oh, shit." was the first thing James said when he saw his face in the mirror.

It was the next afternoon, and he was in his dormitory. Madame Pomfrey had grudgingly let him leave the Hospital Wing to attend classes after telling him that she was seriously considering locking the door the next time she saw him coming. 'I think you get yourself hurt on purpose.' she'd said suspiciously, 'A boy of your age, especially a Head Boy, shouldn't be getting hurt so often. It's not normal.'

He'd laughed when she said that, but now, staring at his reflection in his dormitory, he was far from laughing, so dismayed was he with his appearance. All signs of blood had cleared from the gash on his face, but nevertheless, there was a long scar running down his right cheek, white and raised. There was no hope of going back to Madame Pomfrey and asking her to fix it; he knew she wouldn't have let him leave if she hadn't patched him up to the best of her ability. Now he understood why everyone in his classes had been whispering and looking over at him; he looked frightening.

James remembered that he had been scratched on the chest, and he unbuttoned his shirt to get a good look at it in the mirror. He sighed in disappointment; there was, indeed, a scar that looked just as bad, if not worse, than the one on his face.

Just then, the door to the dormitory opened.

"Oh, hello James-- oh, I'm so sorry." It was Marlene, and she turned beet red when she realized his shirt was unbuttoned, "I didn't mean to--God, I'm terribly sorry I'll just--"

"Sorry!" James said, turning red himself and hastily buttoning his shirt, "I--sorry, what did you want?"

"Nothing!" she said, keeping her eyes trained on the ground, "Sorry, this is just-- I'm sorry!"

"You know, it's luck Hestia's not here." James said, desperately trying to think of a way to make the situation less awkward, "She'd kill us for saying sorry so much."

Marlene laughed, and carefully raised her eyes. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw he was decent.

"That's true." she said, "Hestia would…" she trailed off, not saying exactly what Hestia would do. James stared at his shoes, then asked, after clearing his throat,

"Really, did you want something?"

Marlene, who's face had started to resemble its normal color, turned dark red once more.

"Oh, no-- I mean, I did, but it's not-- don't worry about it. I'll-- never mind." She turned hastily, and was about to exit through the door when she turned back around again, a look of resolve on her face.

"I'm really sorry-- well, no, I'm not-- ignore that, but I just feel badly about what happened to your face." She gestured to her own right cheek.

"And-- well, I feel bad for Lily too. I know a little bit, I mean she's in my dormitory, and I wish that there was something I could do." She gave him a questioning look. For a long moment, James stared, until he realized that _she wanted him to tell her what she should do._ The very thought made his hands tingle. How should he know?

"Well," James said, running a hand through his hair, "I suppose you could figure out something to do…after all, you are in the same dormitory, as you said…"

Marlene bit her lip and nodded.

"Right. Well, I just thought that you could-- but of course, you're not…" she trailed off, then laughed, hard and loud.

"I need to go." she choked out, "I'm being ridiculous." She clutched her side, then walked out.

James stared quizzically after her. He'd thought that it was just Lily, but perhaps all girls were strange. He made a move to rub his eyes, but his hand brushed his cheek, making him cry out.

"Bugger." he hissed. He shook his head, then went down to have dinner and ignore people staring at his scar.

* * *

A tap on his shoulder made James jump as he was halfway through shoving his steak and kidney pie into his mouth. He hadn't realized just how hungry he was until then, and was a little annoyed at the interruption, especially because he saw that the one who was bothering him was Dorcas Meadowes. When she saw she'd gotten his attention, she flipped her long brown hair over her shoulder haughtily. 

"Where's the Head Girl?"

Sirius looked up at hearing her voice and began, as discreetly as possible, to inch away. Dorcas noticed, however, and gave him a look of the utmost disgust. James, meanwhile, was quick to take on her offensive tone.

"What d'you want?"

"It's none of your concern, I'll have you know." She eyed his scar distastefully, as though it made him even more repulsive.

"That's fine. I just won't tell you where she is."

Dorcas sighed impatiently.

"It's prefect duties, Potter. That's it. Nothing you'd be concerned with."

James found himself slightly hurt by that remark, but made sure not to let it show.

"As far as I can see, I'm Head Boy. You can tell me whatever you want to tell Lily."

Dorcas looked mildly alarmed.

"I'd rather not, if it's all the same." Dorcas turned around and hurried away before James could say another word, and he leaned back in his chair, baffled. Was he that bad of a Head Boy? He turned to Remus, who was sitting to his left.

"I wonder why she wouldn't tell me?"

Remus looked up from his food and looked James in the face, as though making sure he was being serious. When he saw that he was, he rolled his eyes, shook his head, and went back to eating. James took it that this wasn't a good sign.

"I mean," James continued, louder, "it's not as though I'm that bad, right Peter?"

Peter looked alarmed at having been called upon to answer that particular question.

"Er--" he said hesitantly, "that's not to say that you're-- well, I wouldn't know, would I?" He quickly shoveled food into his mouth to prevent himself from saying any more.

"Well, shit." James said, getting irritated, "Sirius, talk to me!"

"Don't listen to Dorcas, mate." Sirius said, his mouth full, "Little bitch thinks _she _dumped _me_. As if." He chuckled uneasily, getting little flecks of food on all of them.

James wasn't comforted, seeing the way that Remus and Peter still wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Well, piss it, I'm not as good at helping little twits as Remus or Lily, and I know that occasionally I don't pay attention in meetings--"

Remus coughed, and it sounded suspiciously like 'never'.

"--but I didn't think I was as bad as all that." he finished, shooting Remus a glare.

"Look, Jimmy," Sirius said, having just finished eating his food and moving on to James's, "It's not that you're bad. Hell, you go to meetings, which is more than I'd do. But you're not a bleeding prat like the rest of them are."

James crossed his arms resentfully.

"Well, shit." he said, "It seems to bother the rest of you lot. Maybe I should become a bleeding prat."

"You're well on your way." Sirius said, putting his fork down while still eyeing some treacle tart, "Keep acting as you have, you'll be a right little Amos Diggory in no time." Amos Diggory had been Head Boy three years before, and had managed to take almost all of Gryffindor's house points away in the first two months.

"Thanks, Sirius." James said. He knew it was ridiculous that this bothered him so much, especially since he had been the one who had been so vehemently against getting the position, but he couldn't help feeling that, given the responsibility, he should have magically (either literally or figuratively) acquired the skills necessary to be a good one. After all, he'd never heard of a Head Boy who wasn't well suited for the position.

"Lupin, what the hell am I supposed to do?"

Remus sighed, evidently thinking the whole thing unworthy of getting so upset over.

"If it bothers you so badly, pay attention at prefect meetings. Make suggestions. Help Lily when she's being attacked by first years."

"Suggestions for what? First years attacked Lily?"

Remus folded his arms and put his head down, signaling an end to his participation in the conversation.

"How 'bout you, Pete?"

Peter gave him a long, incredulous look.

"James," he said gravely, "what the hell do I know?"

It seemed pathetic to James that he knew just about as much as Peter did.

* * *

Thoughts of his complete failure as an authority figure plagued him endlessly for the next few hours, until, sitting in the common room, he finally decided to do something about it. 

"Remus," he said determinedly, "If I were to go about calling an emergency prefect meeting, how would I do it?"

Remus thought for a moment, then said,

"We don't really have a way to go about it. We used to have parchment that would get writing on it when the Heads were calling a meeting, but too many people lost them or didn't check them."

"Right. Er-- but I need to. So. Help, please."

Remus checked his watch.

"James, it's eight-thirty. You can't call a meeting now."

James felt stupid, but decided to persist in a decidedly Sirius-like fashion.

"We've got to do it tonight. Tomorrow Lily's coming back."

"Is that a _bad_ thing?"

"Nobody'll take me seriously if she's there!"

"James, be reasonable. It won't make a difference in one day."

"It might!" The look on Remus's face was infuriating, as it said that he clearly thought he was acting like an idiot.

"You wouldn't possibly care to explain your sudden interest in being a good Head Boy?"

"Well, I didn't realize I was a bad one for one thing." James said uncomfortably, "And for another…"

"It's Lily, isn't it?"

"No!" The suggestion made James even madder. The assumption that Lily was responsible for every little change in him was really beginning to bother him, especially since this was one that she actually _wasn't_ responsible for. Remus must have seen this, too, because for the first time a smile swept over his face.

"Well, in that case, good on you." he said, "And that'll make her proud, I'm sure." The tone of Remus's voice suggested that he knew James's exact feelings for her, and, before he could ask, Remus continued,

"I knew before Sirius told us."

"Does _everyone?_" James asked, running a hand through his hair. Remus smiled mysteriously and didn't say another word. James looked away and saw Sirius, not acting at all his normal self. Instead of sitting in the center of a large group of people, as he was prone to doing when he wasn't with the Marauders, he was sitting distanced from, nearer to the fire than the corner where most others sat. James decided to see what it was, having a feeling that he already knew.

His suspicions were confirmed when Sirius shoved a letter in his face.

"I should have burned it as soon as I got it."

James looked down and saw the overly exaggerated calligraphy that he recognized as Mrs. Black's handwriting.

"What did she want?"

Sirius blew his hair out of his eyes before he responded.

"Apparently, she's decided to go to your mum's Christmas ball and she wants to make sure I don't talk to her. As though I would."

"She wrote just to say that?" He would have expected more to prompt Mrs. Black to pick up her quill and write to Sirius.

"No. Guess Regulus is a Death Eater now, the prat."

James took a step back, aghast.

"You mean he's actually--"

"Yeah. And they're _proud_ of him."

The world around James suddenly seemed dizzy. The revelation of knowing that Voldemort was recruiting fifteen year olds, and knowing that that fifteen year old was Sirius's _brother_, made him sick.

"I didn't think Regulus would have the spine." Sirius continued darkly, "Apparently, even cowards are going to You-Know-Who's side."

"Who decided that we'd call You-Know-Who You-Know-Who? James asked, a frown crinkling his brow. Sirius turned to look at him, looking slightly disgusted.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Look, I'm not being stupid, alright?" James said impatiently, "I just wondered when everyone decided that they'd--we'd--be stupid enough to be afraid of his name."

"When he decided to choose Regulus for one of his servants, apparently." Sirius said, "Why, you planning on going up to him and addressing him by his proper name anytime soon?"

"Shut it."

Sirius shook his head and threw the letter into the fireplace. The flames leapt up and danced brightly, but to James, a subtle darkness seemed to settle. It made him feel tired, and not just physically. Mentally, he was drained from all the effort it took to try and continue to act normal though his friendship with Sirius seemed to grow more and more volatile. Watching Sirius struggle not to look like none of what his mother had written had bothered him in the least, James found himself longing for their old sense of companionship, because he understood it so much that it was like watching himself. As he acknowledged this, he knew that he would have to be the one to bridge the gap between them.

"Look," James sighed finally, "When you were talking about-- when you were talking about us being half-friends, I understood what you meant. And I'm tired of it, okay?"

"Well, I already said that." Sirius said darkly.

"Shut up. If you would just stop treating me like a dolt--"

"If _you_ would stop acting like I'm always in the wrong--"

James made a loud noise in his throat, causing them both to fall silent, staring at one another. He took deep breaths, then said, as nicely as he could manage,

"We're the same, remember? We've got miserable families and pure blood up to our ears--"

"I'll say." Sirius muttered.

"--and that's why we became friends in the first place. And…well…" James trailed off; he knew what he wanted to say, but he couldn't bring himself; it sounded too stupid, too sappy.

"Just say it. I'll think you're a dolt either way." In spite of what he said, Sirius began to grin. James looked away, and, after clearing his throat, he said,

"You're like my brother. And not in a dumb way, not like…drug brothers, or whatever the hell you want to call it, like real ones."

"No revelation there. We've always said that." Sirius said, though James could tell that his voice sounded slightly odd, like he was trying not to let any emotion betray what it meant to him. They were silent for a long time, until Sirius said,

"So, you're really going to try to be a good Head Boy?"

James had to think for a second before he remembered what he meant. For some reason, the whole Head Boy situation seemed something that happened long ago.

"Yeah, I suppose I am."

"And there's no way I can convince you to change your mind?"

"Probably not."

"Not even if I exercise my authority as your brother?"

"Especially if you do. Nobody listens to their brothers. That's probably why you're mine."

"Shit. I knew there was a reason you were being so nice about it."

James laughed, feeling his exhaustion evaporate. For the first time since the Moony incident, he was feeling at ease talking to Sirius. In a way it surprised him how quickly their friendship seemed to have healed itself, but then, he thought, it had probably been mending all along; it just took one them realizing that they had been too stupid to admit it, which, James could tell, Sirius had done as well as he had. They resumed a conversation like one they would have had a few months earlier, and a few minutes later, Sirius happened to ask,

"So, you prat, does Evans know the fifteenth's your birthday?"

"And when the hell would I get a chance to tell her that?"

"Sometime just after you wipe her nose and just before you tell her you want to snog her senseless."

"I bet that's what you'd do, too, all the tact you've got. No wonder Dorcas dumped you."

Sirius stiffened.

"She did _not_ dump me. I have _never_ been dumped." James raised his eyebrows at how sensitively Sirius took this remark, which could mean only one thing; she had. After a good minute, he sighed, and as he did the truth came out.

"I was going to dump her! I was just being nice and thought she'd take a hint!"

"You were still snogging her, weren't you?"

Sirius crossed his arms sullenly.

"Only once or twice."

Something in his voice said that there was something he wasn't saying, and though James suspected what it was, he didn't want to ask it. But now was a truth telling of sorts, so James asked, slowly,

"You shagged her, didn't you?"

"No!" But his face turned red, and James could see right through him. James groaned and put his head in his hands.

"Only once!"

"You were trying to get _away_ from her in Diagon Alley! What the hell makes someone-- why would you--"

"I didn't make her! She practically forced me to, she was--"

"I don't want to hear about it!" James shouted quickly, bringing his hands to his ears, "Keep it to yourself!"

"I wasn't going to say any more." Sirius said haughtily, "But she dumped me two days later! What girl does that?"

"It sounds like something _you_ would do."

"It sounds like something a _womanizer_ would do."

"Same thing."

"Shut up."

"But I guess in this case, she could be called a manizer, couldn't she?"

"Are you trying to be funny?" It was obvious that Sirius had had enough of this subject, but James, hearing that Dorcas had been the instigator of everything Sirius was usually responsible for, found it highly amusing.

"I just never thought I'd see the day when you were _dumped_."

"_I_ dumped _her_. That's the story, understand?"

"Whatever. I understand this must be a sensitive time for you."

"That's it, I disown you. We are no longer brothers."

James laughed, and the room seemed to be filled with more light and color than he remembered it having a few moments before.

* * *

Hm. Writing the first half of this chapter was sort of amusing, because James's being concious of people staring at his scar sort of reminded me of how Harry will one day be recognized by his. Maybe that's just me though. ;D I also found it interesting how quite a few people have mentioned that this story is depressing-- I thought it was just a few chapters, not the whole thing!But I think this chapter is a bit lighter. If not, it can be completely blamed on Queen's hauntingly beautiful 'You Take My Breath Away'. 

Girl on a Yellow Bike broke 200 reviews with the last chapter! Thank you so much toeveryone who reviewed, it means so much to me. Thank you to **Dobbygrl **(Last chapter was rather dramatic, wasn't it? I'm glad you liked it!), **Achava, GoddessoftheMaaN, Countess Jackman, sugur-huny-bun, Elspeth Renee, taniita **(I'm so glad you like James. I can see where sometimes he's like Harry, but I didn't notice until you pointed it out! Alas, no Snape-related revelations yet, but they'll come in time! ;D)**, mb4 **(Thank you so much! Your review made me so happy :D)**, sodafizzz19, Evercare **(What a brilliantly long review! It definitely made the day a bit brighter.No, the Sirius/James tension was sort of short-lived- that's not to say that they'll be perfect friends forever, but, in my mind, a lot has happened in the past few days, and while James may not always approve of him, he really does needhis best friend. No funeral in this chapter either, because Lily refused to let James go and, much as I really wish I could sometimes, we can't break from James's point of view.Of course, we'll hear about it from her...)**, May Olivia **(Thank you! No Snape yet, but soon...)**, man eating plant **(Well, James figures tattling wouldn't do much good anyway, which is pretty much true. I wouldn't say this update is super quick, but it's long, which hopefully makes up for that**!) , S.B. Kisses, Siriusly.Mad.for.Sweets, obscure-priestess, AmberTinted **(Thank you for reading, especially if angst is usually a turn-offfor you! To hear that you love it is really wonderful :D**), Kaitsy **(I'm so glad that you decided to review this chapter, and am really happy to hear that you've read all the chapters, lurker or not:D I must have been reading that lovely review for five minutes. Bythe way,I looked at your story and it looks really good. I don't know when I'll find the time, but I plan on reading itsometime in the hopefully not too distant future.), and**teneraestnox **(Thank you! I wrote the story from James's point of view specifically for the lack of stories like that, and I'm glad to hear you like it)


	18. A Sister and a Coward

Chapter 18: A Sister and a Coward

When James shuffled out of his dormitory, yawning, he almost stumbled over Lily, who was sitting with her legs tucked under her and was reading a book.

"Lily? What're you doing here?" he cried, bewildered. He glanced behind him and saw that Sirius was still in the process of getting dressed. Quickly, he slammed the door shut.

"Oh, hello." Lily said, smiling faintly and pulling herself up, "I was, you know, I was going to go in and fetch you, but that's rude. So then I went downstairs, but everyone was downstairs, so I just--"

"It's okay." James said, seeing she was getting flustered, "How was it?"

"Fine."

"You're lying." He could tell it from the way her shoulders and her expression sagged.

"It won't bother you?"

"So it's bad."

"No! It's--"

"Liar. What happened to all that shit you told me about expressing myself?"

"Stuff."

"What?"

"That _stuff _I told you."

"Excuse me, I'm expressing myself."

Lily laughed, then rubbed her eyes.

"I missed you."

James's stomach lurched, but he pressed,

"What _happened?_"

"I--"

The door to the dormitory opened.

"James, what--oh, Evans." Sirius raised an eyebrow and looked at the two of them amusedly.

Lily nodded.

"Sirius."

Sirius nodded, as though they had reached an understanding.

"So it's Lily, then."

"And I'm Peter and he's Remus." Peter said from inside the room, clearly exasperated, "We all know each other, let's eat!"

"Shut up, ratface." Sirius said loudly, pushing past James and Lily and going down the stairs. Peter followed, and Remus came last, giving them both curious glances. After they'd disappeared, James gestured toward the room.

"Want to sit down."

"Sure." Lily said, a small smile on her face. No dimple in her cheek, James noticed with some disappointment. As soon as he'd closed the door to the dormitory, Lily flopped onto his bed.

"I'd rather just sleep." Lily said, pulling the pillow under her head, "I don't want to go to class, I don't think."

"What happened?"

Lily opened her mouth, then shut it.

"Come here." she said, patting the bed next to her. "I can't talk when you're all the way over there."

James complied, and Lily moved so that her head was near his legs. If she had moved a few feet further, her head would have been in his lap. She stayed silent for so long that he thought she'd fallen asleep.

"Lily?"

"Hm?"

"What happened?" His voice came out gentle, coaxing. Lily sat up, crossed her legs, and pulled his pillow into her lap.

"Well, I went." she said, slowly, "And it was nighttime, and I--do you want to hear all of this?"

"Everything."

"Right. Everything." Lily nodded, as though mentally noting it, then continued,

"It was nighttime, and I flooed over to my house. And nobody was awake, and I thought it was sort of funny, because usually mum--" she took a deep, rattling breath and continued, "mum and dad have tea late at night and read, they l-love reading…well, she loved, he loves, if you--"

"I know."

"Alright. So everyone was asleep, and I went upstairs to my room and went to bed. Nothing-- nothing worth talking about, really." she gave out a forced laugh. "But the next morning, I woke up in my bed and I thought that it was s-summer time again, and I thought sh-she was downstairs, making breakfast, because I smelled it. And I was so happy, I has halfway down the stairs before I knew that-- that she wasn't."

Lily had begun to cry, but she shook her head when James put an arm around her.

"No, I'm alright just let me… So I went downstairs and Petty was there and so was Daddy. Petty was making breakfast, but Daddy was sitting there, and he…James it was so horrible, he looked so sad." Lily's sobs became harder, and, forgetting her protests only a second before, put her head into his chest. He could feel her taking deep breaths, then she pulled away, swiping at her eyes furiously.

"James, don't let me cry like that anymore." she said firmly.

"Lily, you can if you--"

"No!" Lily said loudly. Taking a few breaths she said, more calmly,

"I'm going to finish telling you what happened, and all the crying makes me feel like vomiting."

James couldn't stand seeing how pathetic she looked as she struggled to regain her composure, but he nodded.

"And so Daddy was sad, and I-- _I won't talk about him any more_. And Petty turned around from the stove, and she just looked so…emotionless. Not like she was sad, just that she didn't understand why I was standing there crying. And then she just said-- God, I was stupid not to know she would-- she told me that I wasn't to come to Mummy's funeral."

James frowned.

"What? Why?"

Lily smiled ruefully and began playing with her shoes.

"Petty doesn't…like me much."

"She doesn't?" James was honestly surprised. Every time that Lily had ever mentioned Petunia, she always did so fondly, as though she was the best sister a person could ask for.

"No, not really."

"Why?"

"This will-- this will sound really horrid." Lily said, abandoning her shoe and beginning to play with her hair, "But Petunia always wanted to be a witch, ever since we were really, really small. And I didn't, I always wanted to be a pirate." she smiled at that, and James did too, "But Mummy and Daddy always told her it was ridiculous, and she was always so sad because she loved magic so much. She always told me she believed in it."

"And then you got your Hogwarts letter." James said, comprehension dawning on him.

"Right. And Mummy and Daddy were so happy about it, even though they'd told her magic was ridiculous. She was happy for me at first, she said that hers must have been forgotten, but it wasn't. I was the only one to get one."

"And she's still mad at you for it."

"Sort of. That and because her school was rather miserable, and I'm always writing about how happy I am here…"

James pulled the strand of hair that Lily had been twisting to keep her from knotting it.

"So she's mad at you, still."

"Yes."

"Little bitch."

"Stop it." Lily said, "She should have gotten a Hogwarts letter, not me."

"No."

Lily didn't respond.

"But she still sends you letters telling you about what happened on Coronation Street!" James said. He knew, without having met her, that he didn't like Petunia, but he was desperately trying to make Lily feel better.

"Mum made her write them."

"Oh." The defeat in both of them seemed palpable to James. They sat in silence, until he rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.

"D'you want to finish telling me about the funeral?"

"I didn't go."

James tightened his grip on her shoulder.

"What'd you do?"

"I left the house with all my things, and I took my bike and I just began to pedal forever…" her eyes clouded over, and unconsciously she tilted her head toward James's shoulder, "It seemed like days and days, and I found myself…well, I ended up at your house, somehow."

"My house?"

"Yes. I didn't go in, I just sat on the porch like we did that one day. And I thought for a really long time." She stopped talking, and James realized that was all she had to say.

"Just…thought?"

"Yes."

"About what?"

"Lots of things." Lily got up and moved toward the door, "Things I would like to say to people, and all that."

"Oh. I understand."

"No you don't." Lily said, laughing softly. She went ahead of him, and he thought that he might have heard her say, "If only you knew what I'd say to _you_."

He wasn't quite sure what to make of that.

* * *

"Today we will be discussing N.E.W.T.s." Professor McGonagall declared after entering the classroom.

James groaned, putting his head down on his folded arms. He was not the only one. At least half a dozen groans rang out in unison with his own.

"That's quite enough. These are some of the most important tests you shall ever take, and let me assure you that I refuse to let it be said that anyone in my Advanced Transfiguration class got anything less than an Exceeds Expectations."

James rubbed his eyes. It was not that he was worried-- he'd passed all his O.W.L.s, receiving an O in Transfiguration. He didn't even want to acknowledge their existence, let alone the fact that that was the year they'd have to take them. The rest of the class was spent drifting between listening and not listening as McGonagall delved deeper into what effect these tests would have on their futures.

"She's got me scared shitless, and I'm only half joking." Sirius muttered in his ear near the end of class. James had to change his laugh into a hacking cough.

When they left on the way to lunch, James noticed that Lily was walking not far away. He purposefully began to walk in step with her.

"How are you?" he asked. She gave him a small smile.

"Fine. How are _you?_"

"Excited about those N.E.W.T.s!" James said jokingly. Lily laughed.

"I actually sort of am. They'll tell us so much…everything we need to know about what we can do when we've graduated."

"Oh, yeah, that's--"

"Lily?"

James and Lily both stopped walking and stared at Snape. Lily moved a little closer to James, and he could feel her shaking slightly.

"What d'you want, Snape?" James asked, furious.

"Shut it, Potter." Snape asked, his eyes dwindling on his scar. James glanced at Lily, who was watching Snape's reaction with narrowed eyes.

"Leave me alone, Severus." she said, her voice colder than James had ever heard.

"I need to--"

"No." James had said this.

"Potter, do you need another warning?"

"Shut up!" Lily said. "Goodness, who do you think you are? I don't _want_ to talk to you!"

"Please."

Lily looked at Snape, who's expression looked utterly imploring and desperate, then sighed.

"Fine."

"I'll go too." James said stiffly. Snape opened his mouth, but it was Lily who put a hand on his arm.

"It's fine." she murmured, "He was my best friend once." She glanced at Snape, and it was obvious that he'd heard her. Lily began to walk away with Snape, and James looked down at the ground, clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Well, damn." he said to himself, a moment later, "I'm going anyway."

He walked into the direction that they'd gone and soon heard their voices coming from an empty classroom, neither of them bothering to be quiet. James stood against the wall and listened.

"--that you're different." Snape was just saying.

"My mum died, Severus." An uncomfortable pause.

"I was busy that night. I didn't realize what I was saying."

"You were distracted."

"I'm sorry about what I said."

"It's not just what you said!" Lily said angrily, "It's that you're changing too! You're--you're--" her voice lowered, "I've heard what people are saying. Please don't tell me that you're one of…one of…"

"I'm not!"

"I don't believe you."

"Evans, don't even--"

"I know what you did to James. That's dark magic, Severus."

"That bastard!" Snape growled.

"He didn't say a word."

"Then how did you know that I--" There was a pause, as though something was being understood nonverbally.

"You didn't." Snape finished softly.

"You _are_ one of them."

He said nothing. James had to grip the stone wall to keep himself from going into the room and killing Snape right there. He knew what Lily was talking about; Death Eaters. He'd always expected it of Snape, especially after hearing that Sirius's younger brother was one, but to know that he was in the room with Lily, seemingly alone, made him sick.

"How can you expect me to talk to you?" she whispered, so softly that James had to strain his ears to hear, "They kill people like me."

"I wouldn't let them."

Lily made a sound of frustration.

"It's not just me, it's anyone! Innocent _people!_"

"Most of them deserve it."

"No more than you do!"

Another uncomfortable pause.

"Did they kill my mum?"

"You can't be serious."

"Did they?"

"NO! They fucking did not!"

"Then what were you doing that night? Why didn't you care?"

"I couldn't care! I'd just--"

"Just what?"

"Just killed some Muggles." Snape said, his voice cracking. James's nails were digging into the palms of his hands so hard that he thought they might bleed. When Lily began to talk, James could hear her voice shaking.

"How many?"

Snape sighed.

"Five."

"What sort?"

"A man, a woman, three children."

"How old?" her voice was trembling more.

"Do we have--"

"TELL ME!"

"The adults were in their forties. The children were… about five. They were triplets."

"Oh, God." Lily moaned. James could hear a banging sound, and he could imagine Lily falling into a desk, "How could you?"

"I had to. He instructed us to."

"You had a choice. There's always a choice."

"No."

"YES!"

"Lily, I wanted to talk to you about--"

"I never want to see you again. I thought so much of you…I thought you were brilliant! But you're a coward!"

"Lily, please--"

"Don't talk to me."

"But--"

James could hear Lily getting up from her desk, then came face to face with her. She was shaking horribly, and he put an arm around her.

"Did you hear him?" she asked as they walked away.

"Yeah. I'll murder him."

"Don't." Lily stopped, and made him stop too. "I know you're not serious, but--"

"I'm dead serious."

"Don't you dare. You're a brave Gryffindor. You're not like him."

"I told you that before."

"When?"

"When we cooked at your house, remember?"

Lily smiled, and they started to walk again. James found himself wishing he could put his arm around her again, but couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Mum liked you." she said softly.

"I liked her."

"We should do it again." Lily said, "Cooking, I mean. I think--it'd be good."

"When?"

"When's your birthday?"

"The fifteenth."

"Of what?"

"This month." Beside him, Lily literally jumped.

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"When would I have?" James found himself remembering what Sirius had said-- between wiping her nose and snogging her. The idiot.

"True." Lily's eyes were wide, "I'm so sorry. I feel so bad, I've been so miserable that I've been neglecting your birthday!"

"It's alright, you don't--"

"On your birthday, meet me in the kitchens."

James would have argued, but her eyes were lit up and a smile was on her face. He wouldn't do anything to take them away, not now.

"Alright."

* * *

Yes, the inordinate amount of dialogue bothers me too -cringes- Oh well. C'est la vie. Snape confrontation! Not the last we see of him, but nowhis position and why he didn't care that Lily's mother died is a bit clearer (I hope?)

Wow! Girl on a Yellow Bike has 230 reviews! Thank you to the oh-so-wonderful **missprongs07, Siriusly.Mad.for.Sweets **(Marlene is first mentioned in chapter 9, and her brother is dating Hestia ;D)**, obscure-priestess **(I'm glad that my attempts at updating quickly make you happy! It's also great how you're able to identify with things that have happened in the story :D I liked the idea of Lily and Snape's friendship too, but alas, it was never meant to last.)**, teneraestrox**(Thank you! I do occasionally try to update quickly ;D)**, Countess Jackman, GoddessoftheMaaN, mb4 **(Thank you! Your review was one of those that causes huge grins. I try to makethe charactersrealistic, and I'm glad to hear that you think they are! And as for responding to reviewers- that's nothing. I love you guys too much NOT to)**, May Olivia **(Here it is...Snape! I don't think that James will necessarily be getting revenge, though that is an interesting idea -thinks about it-) **Elspeth Renee** (oops! I added a line to seperate the two scenes ;)) **, Achava, Silver Daughter of the Wind, sodafizzz19, man eating** **plant** (You don't sound bitchy. Plenty of Lily in this chapter though:D**) , sugur-huny-bun, taniita **(hopefully the Snape-related revelations were somewhat satisfactory. It's not all of them, but that's what we have for now...) **AsTearsGoBy **(thank you so much!) **Miss Prewett, cucu4cocopuffs**


	19. A Dinner and a Confession

Chapter 19: A Dinner and a Confession

_Meet me at eight tonight. Whatever you do, don't eat dinner!_

_Lily_

It was James's birthday and he was skiving again (much to Sirius's disgust-- "I am _not_ doing your homework for you, and neither is Moony." he'd said indignantly), so when he received the owl in his dormitory he'd been alone. He watched the barn owl fly away, and then he continued to stare at the scenery outside the window. The weather was sunny and reflecting off of the layer of snow that already accumulated on the ground. He liked the snow, and the fact that it was there, along with a clear sky, seemed almost as though the world was celebrating his birthday with him.

He looked away from the window and down at the paper again. He'd only received one other note from Lily, the one telling him to meet her in the astronomy tower that she'd given to him on the first day of school. Then he had simply crumpled the letter up. Now he studied this letter, trying to memorize Lily's handwriting. It was messy, made worse by the fact that she was obviously in a hurry when she wrote it. He considered keeping it, but then shook his head. He knew he fancied her, but _keeping her letters?_ James knew that that was pathetic, and he quickly threw it on The Floor.

Once things landed on The Floor--which others might have simply called the floor, but not the Marauders, who knew better--generally they didn't come back again. He watched with mild regret as he watched the note fall, knowing that it would end up coming to the same demise as countless numbers of Remus's sweaters, Sirius's dungbombs, and Peter's homework. At least, that's where Peter _claimed_ his homework went.

He turned back to what he was doing--studying Remus's notes of all the prefect meetings. After getting over the initial shock that somebody actually took notes, he'd insisted upon looking at them. He was glad for the welcome distraction of Lily's owl, though, because he'd been reading the same line for the tenth time and just moments away from falling asleep. After realizing that the effort would be no more successful now than it had been two minutes before, he threw the notes down, though careful to make sure they did not fall to The Floor. He got up and started pacing the room, running a hand through his hair.

That morning, Sirius had begun eagerly rattling off all the things they'd do for James's party--much to Peter's dismay, as he watched how much more excited Sirius got over this birthday than he had over his. James had grinned and nodded, but he knew, deep down, that he didn't _want_ a party. He'd decided several years ago that birthdays weren't very important, at least not his own. It had been Sirius and Sirius alone who'd kept that particular tradition alive, and he found, for the first time, that he rather dreaded going to his own birthday party. The idea of getting drunk and having to make a thousand excuses for the steam pouring out of his ears just made his stomach turn.

He'd much rather just make a quiet dinner with Lily and skip the party altogether.

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he knew it wasn't even worth thinking about. He _couldn't_ do that. He and Sirius had just made up, and he didn't need anyone tell him that that would make him look like a first class bastard. It wouldn't just make him look like one--it would simply _make _him one.

"I am _not _a first class bastard." he said aloud. He pulled his hand away from his hair, and began gripping around for something in his pocket. He didn't know what it was until he pulled a cigarette from his pocket. He held it idly in his fingers. It had been almost three days since his last one, and as soon as he saw it, he was overwhelmed with the need to have it. A tiny voice in his head told him that he didn't want to, that he would have to explain to Lily about it, but he found that it got smaller and smaller as he stared at it. He jammed it back into his pocket, hoping that by putting it away he'd stop wanting it, but it was too late. He could practically feel it burning a hole in his pocket. The next thing he knew, it was lit and in his mouth, and he breathed deeply as a calm and relief washed over him. Without even thinking about it, he smoked a second one, and it wasn't until his third one that he realized what he was doing.

"Shit!" he said. He opened the window, threw the half smoked cigarette out, then stuck his own head through the window. He was overcome with guilt, thinking of how Lily would look if she knew. He didn't know if she'd remember to ask, because she hadn't been lately, but he couldn't get rid of the paranoid little feeling that she knew whenever he did smoke. He shook his head and concentrated only on what was happening here and now, knowing that he'd have time for guilt later when he ran out on his own party to make dinner with Lily. The cool air whipping around his head was a welcome relief from the sun-warmed dormitory, and he let out a small sigh. Guilt or not, it was a beautiful day.

* * *

At eight o'clock, James managed to slip away from his own birthday party after telling Sirius that he was out for a bit of air. Sirius, who was on his third firewhisky, smiled and winked jovially. When he got to the kitchen, Lily was already there, all the ingredients set out on one of the long tables that stood there and several of the brass pots and pans that were usually heaped around the stone walls placed neatly before her.

"You're here!" she said, "Good! The house-elves are making the cake, because I know that Sirius wants you back at your party soon, but we're going to make vegetable soup." Seeing how he looked around for the hundred or so elves that were usually there at his beck and call when he visited the kitchen, Lily said,

"I told them they didn't have to help. I didn't want you to cheat and get them to do it for you."

"Will I even _like_ this?" he asked, knowing that he would.

"What sort of question is that?"

James smiled and shook his head, then helped Lily prepare the many ingredients she poured into a giant brass pot. She made sure to delegate the job of onion slicing to herself.

"I'm capable of doing that, you know." James said resentfully.

"I know. But it's a birthday treat for you."

A silence settled over them, and James found himself remembering when they had done this at Lily's house, when her mother had been there. What if this was a mistake to be doing this so soon? He glanced over at Lily, but while she looked sad, she wasn't crying, even though she was cutting onions. James decided that if she could cut onions and not cry, that couldn't mean anything bad. He broke the silence by saying,

"Did you get me a present?"

Lily gave him a smile.

"You'll see after dinner."

He liked how that sounded like something his mother would say to his father. It reminded him of when he was small, before he resented his mother.

The soup was finished in half an hour, and though James had been enticed by the rich smell, he still found himself amazed when he took the first sip. Barely acknowledging that he'd burnt his tongue, he said, proudly,

"This is really good!"

"Mmhmm."

"I mean it really is. It's like a house-elf would make!"

"…I'll assume that that's a compliment."

"It is. Damn, this is _good!_" Lily smiled, though she barely took any herself. When James gave her a questioning glance, she said, simply, "I'm not very hungry."

After dinner was finished, five small house-elves brought in a giant platter with an enormous chocolate cake on it. As they set it down on the table, James could see that there were eighteen red and gold candles on it.

"Happy birthday, Mr. Potter!" they all exclaimed in various tones of squeakiness. After Lily quietly thanked them, she lit the candles with a wave of her wand, then warbled a rather off-key version of 'Happy Birthday to you'. When she finished with a rather drawn out 'happy birthday to youuuu.', James said, grinning,

"That was terrible, you know."

Lily glared.

"Thank you very much, Mr. Potter. Your criticism only reaffirms your own lack of confidence in yourself."

"No, you're really terrible."

Lily picked up a giant knife and cut into the cake with an unnecessary amount of force, which made James shut up. Once she'd cut his slice, she said,

"Now you get three wishes."

"Three wishes? That fu-- messed up. You only get one for birthdays."

"From your cake, yes. But your three wishes are things I can give you. You know, like a gift? I didn't have much time to get you something, and while I _will _buy you something later, this is something I can do for you today."

"Oh, so no harem of veelas?"

"What?" Lily had been idly spreading the frosting on the cake to make it smoother, but when she heard this, she looked up slowly, eyes wide.

"Er--never mind. Stupid thing that--"

"Did you say a harem of veelas?"

"No."

"Yes you did!" Lily was smiling, though it was one that was torn between amusement and disbelief, "I'm really…goodness, James, a _harem?_ What would you do with--never mind, don't answer, _please_ don't answer." Lily turned deep red and looked back down at the cake.

"Joke!" James yelped. He didn't want Lily to think…well, he didn't want her to know about the harem fantasy. He just wanted to seem impressive and idealistic to her, not a womanizer.

"I know." Lily said, her blush beginning to fade. "You might want to hurry though, Sirius'll be mad if you don't go back to your party soon."

"Who cares?"

"You do."

"Whatever." James rolled his eyes, and he began to think of what he could ask Lily for. He didn't want to ask her to buy him anything-- honestly, what could she buy him? He couldn't wish for a kiss or something of that nature because he wasn't that brave and she didn't seem ready. He realized that the only thing that she had that he wanted was in her head. He had questions to ask, and he began to grin as he realized he might get the answers to things that had been floating in his head begging to be asked for weeks and weeks.

"Er-- alright. First wish is…what were you thinking about the day of your mum's funeral, out on my porch?"

As soon as he said it, he wished he could take it back. She visibly deflated, and he began to think that perhaps she hadn't told him for a reason.

"Unless, you know, you don't want to tell me, which then--er--sorry, never mind, I--"

"No, it's fine." Lily said softly. Her eyes were free from tears. She took his slice of cake off the platter and put it into a plate that one of the house-elves had put on the table, then handed it to him.

"I thought of a lot of things. Any particular part you want to hear?"

"Anything you don't mind telling."

"Well…I was thinking a lot about how I was being sort of selfish about my mum. She'd be one of those people who would have gotten mad over people crying over her. Which of course, makes me want to cry even more," her forehead crinkled into a frown, "but after a while, you just can't cry. Stiff upper lip, you know."

"It's only been a few weeks. You don't have to--"

"I want to, though. Not forget her, but sort of honor her more. Crying is just something I do for myself, and I can't feel sorry for myself, there's too many other people that need my sympathy. Especially now with people like…well, people like Severus, I suppose."

James took a bite of his cake, and noticed that Lily hadn't taken any for herself. He didn't try to question her further, either about her eating or what she'd been thinking. He was almost afraid to shake her out of her dreamlike state, but she continued of her own accord.

"And then, of course, there was you."

His heart began to pound faster, as he realized that she had no idea what she was going to say. He wanted to imagine that she would confess her love for him right then and there, leaving him only the happy duty of kissing her. But it just as easily could have been that she wanted to get away from him, that she didn't like that she was spending more and more time with him and making him her best friend.

"Really." he managed to croak. He put his fork down, his appetite waning.

"And I feel really, really horrible. Because I realize now that when we first met I was completely unfair to you."

"How?" he was genuinely bewildered.

"I…well, I was trying to change you. You knew that, you were right when you called me a-- an effing shrink. I tried to be grown up, and I'm not grown up, not at all." James looked at Lily in disbelief.

"You're more grown up than I am." he stated bluntly.

"How so?"

"You gave Snape a chance when nobody else would."

"Because I was _stupid._"

"Because you were fair. And you told me to stop smoking, and it's really bad for me, and I'm trying to quit, and--"

"You're rambling, dear."

"--And you're more fucking grown up than anyone I know, because you can still smile when people call you the m- word." There were a million more things James wanted to say, but Lily silenced him with a bitter smile.

"Sometimes naivety can be misconstrued for intelligence."

"And that's not a mature thing to say?"

Lily rolled her eyes.

"That's not the point. The point is, I like you just the way you are. Even if you smoke and curse and have horrible birthday parties where everyone gets drunk, you're still the nicest boy I know, and it was terrible of me to try to change you to make it more obvious."

James couldn't resist a smile. _I like you just the way you are._ The warmth in that gave him hope, and it made him feel that he could tell her right then exactly what he thought of her. The moment passed with silence, and he realized, suddenly, that the time to say it had come and passed. He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.

"Well, that was the first wish." Lily said, "Second one."

"What? Oh, right. Second wish. Er. Halloween. Did you eat the sweets or not?"

Lily looked him straight in the eye.

"I had a bite. Make of that what you will." she kept her eyes steadily on his, and it was as though she was urging him to realize what that meant--or as though she dreaded what would happen if he did.

"You were the same, though."

"Mm. Third wish."

James felt like an idiot for not quite getting what it meant. He felt as though he should, and something told him that he knew what it meant, but there were no words that he could think to phrase it with.

"You told me that you fancied me since fifth year because of some personality that you picked out for me. And you couldn't tell me then if it was the same as mine or different, but you could, so… was it?" his heart was pounding as he asked the question, screaming at him that this could be the end of _everything _that had been built between them in the past three months. Lily frowned and sucked in her breath.

"You're asking very difficult questions, aren't you?"

"You only get birthday wishes once." James said weakly. Lily sat in quiet for such a long time that he began to get worried.

"Are you mad at me? I can go if you--"

"Some parts are the same." Lily said slowly, "There's…well, I always imagined you as kind, for one thing. And you're smart, too. But…" as soon as she said 'but' his heart dropped. How could she say 'but'? It wasn't one of those 'but's where a person confessed that you were a thousand times better than what they imagined, it was a 'but' that said, well, sorry, but you're really not the sort I fancy, after all.

"You're really quite different than what I imagined. Very much. I think that at the beginning I was trying to turn you into the personality I picked out for you, which, as I've already said, is something I regret doing."

"So you like me better than you liked me before, then?" There it was. He'd practically admitted it to her.

"No, not really."

His heart sank to the bottom of his stomach, and he felt like she had just slapped him. Lily must have seen this too, because she said,

"James, no, it's not--"

"I understand." he said, smiling falsely as he thought of all the different ways he'd try to avoid her. He'd never be able to look up in History of Magic, for one thing, because she was right _there._ The more he thought about it, the more he realized how much he looked for her and how many times in a day he spoke to her.

"No you do _not._" Lily said sternly.

"It's alright, it's--"

"Would you kindly stop it for one moment?" Lily said angrily, "You didn't let me finish!"

"What more is there to say?" James asked irritably.

"I said I didn't like you more than I _did._ James, of course I don't! I was bloody in _love_ with you before I met you!"

"What?" The words 'I' 'love' and 'you' made him freeze in his tracks. "You just said you fancied me, you didn't--"

"Right. Like I was going to tell someone who already thought I was crazy that I was in love with a personality I made up?"

"Which means, of course, that you couldn't feel that way about me because I'm _different_ than him." It was so strange to James that he was talking about a personality made up for his own self like a different person. It was even stranger that he was making his jealousy of that made up person known. He decided that it was because, if she really didn't fancy him, there was nothing more to lose.

"To be honest, I _hate_ that personality that I made up for you now. He could have been made out of cardboard, for all the complexity he had."

James didn't say anything.

"And, I sort of…well, to be honest, when I was thinking about things on your porch that day, I felt guilty about more than just trying to change you. I felt guilty because even though I was supposed to be sad about my mum-- which I was and am, and always will be, in one way or another-- I still couldn't help feeling things for you."

James swallowed hard.

"Things." his voice sounded high-pitched but he didn't care, because here was Lily and she was saying words that sounded more beautiful than any he could have dreamed up for her himself.

"She liked you." Lily said, echoing what she'd said a week earlier, "And I realized on the porch that she'd want me to tell you that I--I like you as well. Because she and I are alike, we hate sidestepping things when they're obvious."

"So does that mean," James said slowly, comprehension dawning on him as he felt lighter and lighter with each passing second, "that you ate some sweets on Halloween, but you fancied me anyway, but you didn't act any different because you…you already fancied me?"

Lily nodded.

"Well, then what does that mean for us?"

"I can't say. You're out of wishes."

"Well." James said, leaning forward in his chair so that he could look at her more closely, "I suppose that means I'll have to take matters into my own hands, hm?"

Lily smiled.

He didn't kiss her on the lips, and he didn't tell her everything he thought and felt about her in a rush of adoring relief, but he did hold her for a long time, and he did press his lips to her hair, and he had no more wishes to make because he felt that this feeling surpassed any sort of wish that he could have thought of.

* * *

HAHA! The moment you've all been waiting for. She knows, he knows, everyone knows what we all knew. There wasn't any snogging, or real kissing for that matter, buttruthfully I don't think they're at that stage yet ;D . But at leastnow it will answer the question that seems quite popular: When will they get together already? (lol!)And beforeanyone asks, Lily is NOT anorexic. Eating just hasn't come naturally to her yet. It all takes time, my dears. Nevertheless, writing this put me in a good mood. :D

And we are at a wonderful 253 reviews! Yes! Thank you ever so much to:

**LilyandJamesLover** (I laughed at your review, because I can see myself saying the same thing if I wasn't the one writing it. Like I said, no snoggage,but I think they are sufficiently less depressed this chapter, no?),**taniita** (I'm glad to hear that. It's more of a revelation on Lily's part, because...well, I like to think she's sort of perceptive, especially since she knew Snape for seven years and can tell those sort of things. I wonder if what she said is what you thought? I'm curious to see what everyone's ideas were, as there were a few people who said they had ideas about that...), **sugur-huny-bun** (glad you like it dear!),** Dobbygrl** (lol. Thank you!), **Siriusly.Mad.For.Sweets** (Thank you! As for Lily being happier, I would say she's slowlygetting better- no doubt having James helps a bit! ;)), **GoddessoftheMaaN** (Well, they...sort of kissed! Okay, so they haven't really. But the truth is out at least!),** fae, Countess Jackman** (thank you! I'm glad you liked it.), **sodafizzz19** (He is, isn't he? I guess he can't really help being a loser though. And I'm glad you liked the Petunia explanation, because it's hard to think of why someone would have such resentment for their sister, and I jst tried my best.), **missprongs07** (Thank you! That's kind of you to say.), **May Olivia** (Thank you thank you thank you! I love that you love it! I love that you don't think it's cliche!I just loved that review, altogether.), **Elspeth Renee, LCH8292, Kaitsy** (I read your story and left you a review, in which I professed my undying love for your writing. And, like I said, the fact that you like this story and said you admire my writing is truly humbling. Thank you, so very much), **Holly-Short-Evans** (thank you for adding me to your favorites list, and thank you for reading!), **Achava, obscure-priestess** (I'm glad this story was able to help you a bit, and have fun:D**), Laina3** (Other than saying thank you, I just have to say I love your username. Sorry, random comment!), **complicated123, Silver Daughter of the Wind, and BlueShadowDemond** (Thank you! I thought that he would. He's younger, which means he's a bit different than grown up I'm-not-admitting-anything Snape, and even if he didn't show it, he cared about Lily, and what she says and thinks has an effect on him. Shame he screwed that up, hm?)


	20. A Hangover and Yoko

Chapter 20: A Hangover and Yoko

Though they stood still for a long time, simply breathing in the scent of the other and ignoring everything around them. Somehow or another they separated and went back to the common room, James holding onto Lily's hand awkwardly. He couldn't help being surprised that he wasn't being pushed away. She'd never given an indication that she did not want him to--on the contrary, she looked somewhat pleased that he was-- but before now it had not seemed _right. _

"Do you remember," Lily said quietly, "that you were afraid to hold my hand this summer?" she smiled, and he did too. The person he was then was so distant and different, or otherwise seriously misinformed, because James found that he enjoyed holding Lily's hand immensely.

When they reached the common room and gave the password, they were greeted by a very drunken Peter.

"Hallo there, lads." he said, his voice slurred, "This is…the bloody best party I've ever seen, eh? Shame I didn't get one so--so good for mine, eh?" He giggled, then stumbled out of the portrait hole.

"We should probably stop him." James said offhandedly, "Being Head students and all."

Lily looked up at him with her eyebrows raised.

"I forgot that you started caring." she said lightly, "That's impressive."

"Well, I was going to say 'screw that', but now that you've reminded me…" he rolled his eyes and Lily laughed.

"We really should stop him, though. Especially since it's your fault that there's alcohol around at all."

James sighed dramatically, then ran to catch up with Peter. With some gentle but firm words, he managed to coax him back through the portrait hole, patting him on the back and declaring to Lily that James was a "bloody beautiful boy, bloody fucking beautiful." James smiled at that. Peter rarely swore, but managed to do so profusely when he was drunk.

"Jaaaaaaammmmmmmmmie." Sirius called, gliding toward them from across the room, "Lily, darling, so happy to see you've taken care of this one." he planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

"Hello, Sirius." she said, "It'd be rather redundant to ask you if you were drunk, wouldn't it?" She clearly disapproved, a crease appearing in her forehead, but she didn't say anything.

"Don't use words big words." he laughed wildly, then turned to James.

"Happy birthday!" he said loudly, "I've forgotten your present this year."

"It's alright." James said, knowing that later he'd be sure to give him a hard time about it. James didn't particularly want a present, but he knew he couldn't just let Sirius get away with it. As Sirius laughed and called out to someone else, Lily said, her frown deepening,

"That reminds me--did your Mum send you something?"

James looked down, and it was clear to him that she was worried that this would cause further tension between him and his parents. He shook his head.

"No, they give me my presents when--"

"Sorry, I can't hear you." Lily said, smiling apologetically. James realized then that he had been talking quietly in a loud room, while Lily and everyone else had been talking loudly. Not feeling like shouting, he lead Lily to the stairs to the dormitories, where it was quieter.

"Now, what were you saying?" Lily asked.

"My parents give me my presents when I go home for Christmas because they don't fit in the post."

"Oh really? I suppose that means they buy you ridiculously large things that you barely get to use?"

"Not to mention ridiculously expensive."

"James, darling, that was a given."

"A lot of it's really cool, though." James said, running a hand through his hair, "There's--well, you'll see it over Christmas break, won't you?"

"I will?" Lily tilted her head back slightly, "I don't think so."

"You live right near me though!" he exclaimed, confused.

"I'm not going home."

"But--"

"James, I can't go home. That would be needlessly forcing myself on my family, and it'd just make us all miserable."

James felt like an idiot. She'd told him about her sister. Not to mention there would be memories of her mother in that house. He didn't blame her for not wanting to go home.

"So you'll just stay…"

"Yes. I'll stay here over Christmas. You'd better owl me!" She gave him a small, sad smile, and he wanted, overwhelmingly, to invite her home with him. In fact, he opened his mouth to do so when he remembered his mother. She was prejudiced and trying to set James up with a veela's daughter, and no doubt she would make Lily just as uncomfortable, if not more so, as if she had gone home.

It was as though Lily saw what he was thinking, because she put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"It's fine. I'm--I'm interested to see what Christmas here is like." She took her hand from his shoulder and took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He returned it, and, after giving each other comforting glances, they went to their separate dormitories.

* * *

"You did? Are you bloody fucking kidding me?"

"Er--no."

It was the next morning, and, as James reflected after the fact, it wasn't the best time to have told Sirius that he'd basically admitted how he felt to Lily. Especially because Sirius had a terrible hangover and had run out of his private store of Pepperup potion.

"Why?" Sirius asked, "Why would you do something _so bloody stupid?_"

"She told me first!" James said defensively, "What was I supposed to do, lie and say that I _didn't_ like her?"

"You could've!" Seeing the incredulous look on James's face, Sirius ground his knuckles into his head and groaned miserably.

"Look," he said through gritted teeth, "have you heard of Florence bloody Nightingale?"

"What?"

"Florence Nightingale. Muggle nurse."

"Why are you bringing up--"

"Just listen, alright? Florence Nightingale was some old Muggle nurse, and she fell in love with her patients. You're not a nurse, but that's you, mate!"

James stared, wondering if alcohol poisoning had driven his friend crazy.

"You can't go out with her now! You fancy her because she's a bloody crying mess!"

"Er--"

"What're you going to do when she turns back into her old sugar-cookie-baking self?"

"She _doesn't_ bake sugar cookies." James said, absently wondering if she actually did, and, if so, if she'd make some for him.

"Sure. The point is once she goes back to her old self, it'll be like John and Yoko. She'll break up our whole fucking band!"

James stiffened. Even he knew who John Lennon and Yoko Ono were.

"Look, why don't you shut up." James muttered, any remainder of a good mood he might have had evaporating, "Some friend you are, telling me she's bloody Yoko."

It seemed that Sirius realized that he'd struck a nerve, because then he said, his tone placating,

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant you need to think about what you're doing. James, this is your first girlfriend, for Christ's sake!"

"Is not. I went out with Celestina…"

"For a week, and she was using you 'cause she knew you had connections in the record business."

James crossed his arms and started toward the door of their dormitory. Sirius let out a loud sound of frustration.

"If it makes you feel better, I knew you'd probably end up with her anyway."

James stopped and ran a hand through his hair.

"It doesn't, really. Maybe if I didn't think you were saying it because you want me to fetch you some Pepperup potion from Pomfrey…"

"Oh, would you?" Sirius brightened up considerably.

"No. Get up, you prat, we've got classes. Remus and Peter've already gone, and Peter was more drunk than you were."

Sirius dragged himself off his bed and said, dully,

"Nobody gets more drunk than me. Ever."

James couldn't tell if Sirius said it because he was proud or ashamed.

* * *

When he sat down in the Great Hall, the first thing that James noticed was that Lily wasn't there.

It didn't bother him at first--after all, she'd probably woken up late as he had. But by the time he'd finished breakfast (and had been asked at least four times, by people in various states of shock, whether he was dating Lily Evans), he was worried. Lily never missed breakfast.

When he asked Remus and Peter whether they'd seen her, they shook their heads no, though Peter seemed distracted. When James asked him about it, he turned deep red and muttered a quick 'nothing' before scurrying out of the hall. This caused James to be even more confused, and to steadfastly try and ignore the look Sirius was giving him, practically trying to penetrate into his thoughts. Absentmindedly, he ran his finger over his scar, and was slightly cheered up by the fact that it no longer hurt. He had been carefully avoiding it the last few weeks, which was why he hadn't known.

Lily didn't take potions, which was what he had first, so the whole class he couldn't figure out if she was simply not at breakfast or not going to classes. The next class, History of Magic, he did have with her, and he was pleased to see that she was sitting in her usual seat. She looked a bit tired, but other than that, she looked like her usual self. Ignoring Professor Binns, who was also looking more tired than usual that day, he spent the whole time trying to get her attention. She didn't or wouldn't notice, even when he tried to toss a note at her asking where she'd been. After class was over, he caught up with her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he murmured in her ear, noticing, with some discomfort, that several people were staring interestedly.

"Yes." she said, her voice matching his in quietness, "But I figured that you didn't appreciate all the attention we got from just hand-holding. I didn't want to embarrass you…"

"Who the hell cares about them?" James asked, his voice much louder as he said this. Though he had said it for some added bravado, he found himself believing in his words wholeheartedly. The person who's opinion he really cared about was Sirius, and it'd be the same whether he and Lily talked to each other or not. His loud statement caused everyone who had been staring to look away hurriedly, and he nodded in approval at his own handiwork.

Lily smiled at this.

"That's sweet." she said, taking his hand and walking with him in silence.

They went to lunch together, and James sat to Sirius's left as Lily sat to Sirius's right, earning her curious looks from both Sirius and James. She ignored them, heaping large mounds of food onto her plate.

"Lily," James said, surprised, "you're actually eating?"

Lily glanced up, though she quickly turned her eyes back to her plate.

"It was the most wonderful thing," she said, putting her plate down and lifting her fork, "this morning I woke up and I was hungry." This remark was lost on Sirius, but not on James, who watched her begin to dig into her food ravenously.

"That's really good." he said, and it was.

The whole time, Peter had been goggling at them, though Remus had simply watched them with a bored expression that said he already knew what had happened.

"Peter, for the love of God pull yourself together." Sirius said irritably, "You would think if you're not hung over, you'd at least try to act like you're not an idiot." James noticed faint puffs of steam coming out of Peter's ears at irregular intervals, something he did not find with Sirius. James smiled to himself. It was clear that only one of them had gotten their hands on some Pepperup potion.

About five minutes into the meal, they were approached by Marlene, who looked a little apprehensive.

"Hello." she said anxiously, staring at the floor, "I've--er--I've come to bring you something." She shoved a letter at them, which Remus took and opened.

"This is--"

"You can't say anything." Marlene looked up, and her eyes held a warning, "Just read it, all of you, and--" she stopped and noticed Lily for the first time. She smiled, and Lily smiled back, as though there was a secret passing between them. Marlene handed Lily a letter of her own, then continued as though nothing had happened, "then destroy it. Dumbledore's orders."

"Why does she get her own letter?" Sirius complained, "We all have to share."

Marlene shrugged, turning red as she realized that Sirius was staring at her.

"I didn't make them up." she mumbled, "I just deliver them." She was about to turn away when she added, as an afterthought, "It was nice to see you all." she gave them a wave, and then gave Lily one more appreciative smile before hurrying off the Ravenclaw table.

"She's no dog, is she?" Sirius asked thoughtfully, "I wouldn't mind--"

"Don't even, Sirius." Lily said sharply, though her face remained impassive, "She has a boyfriend."

Sirius looked at the other three Marauders, as though asking _Can you believe this?_. Remus, however, nodded approvingly at what Lily had said and Peter was busy reading the letter that Remus had handed him.

"So, what is it then?" James asked Lily, breaking the awkward silence. She handed him the letter, which said,

_Dear Ms. Evans,_

_A meeting is being held tonight to discuss a special defense league that is forming in response to the increasingly violent attacks against Muggles, Muggle-borns, and those who support them. It will be held in my office at eight thirty, and let it be known that I have always been especially particular to Toffee._

_You have received this letter because, of the many people who attend this school, I have extreme faith in your discretion and loyalty. _

_Sincerely,_

_Professor Dumbledore_

_Headmaster_

James looked around at the rest of them, wide-eyed. It appeared that they were as intrigued as he was.

"So we're going, right?" he asked, handing the letter over to Lily and looking at Sirius for confirmation. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You idiot, why wouldn't we? A chance to 'accidentally' murder Snape while he's running around playing Death Eater? Brilliance!" This caused him to look a good deal more cheerful than he'd been before, and he dug into his food with almost the same amount of vigor that Lily had.

"Lily?"

Lily looked slightly troubled by what Sirius said, but she nodded her head vigorously.

"Of course. Dumbledore trusts us." The pride in her voice was clear, and James couldn't help feeling pride swell in his chest as well.

"Moony? Wormtail?" They nodded, and Lily raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Those names are interesting. I mean, I can understand why M--" she stopped, going slightly pale.

"Sorry." she said quickly. James had to think for a minute before he realized what she was going to say. She was going to say something about understanding 'Moony' because she knew that Remus was a werewolf. He had forgotten that she knew about that. He ignored the questioning glances that were being exchanged by the rest of them, hoping that they would not question him about it later. Lily set her letter on fire to give herself an excuse not to look at them, and James followed suit with the other letter.

Peter looked down at his watch and let out a sound that could only be described as a squeak.

"I have to go." he said quickly, "I forgot that I have--well, I need to go." He got up, the food on his plate only half-eaten, and hurried away.

"What was that about?" Remus asked, frowning. James frowned too. If Remus didn't know, then something strange was going on.

"He's been acting like a real clumsy bugger lately." Sirius commented, "Jumpy, y'know?"

A silence fell on them, and James's eyes happened to land on Lily. She was steadfastly avoiding looking at any of them.

"Lily?" She looked up, and he knew that she knew what was going on. He felt his heart fill with dread. What wouldn't she tell them?

"It's nothing bad." she said quickly, giving him a reassuring smile, "I just can't say, that's all. It wouldn't be fair." He felt a wave relief wash over him.

"Well, fuck it." Sirius said loudly, pushing his plate away, "If she knows more about it than Lupin, we're all going to hell." In spite of that, James could see that Sirius looked relieved too. Even though they never talked about it or acknowledged it, sometimes they worried about Peter.

* * *

Well, there are several things to address in this chapter: First, if you love Yoko Ono, please don't flame me. If you hate Yoko Ono, I'm not joining a hate club, either. And if you are Yoko Ono, please don't sue me for using your name. Ditto on the topic of Florence Nightingale, though the likelihood of her reading this is far slimmer than that of Yoko, as she's dead.(See all the trouble one has to go through when using the names of real people?). If your wondering where Sirius is getting all these Muggle references from, don't ask me; he collects them here and there, and he likes to think he's clever ;) I swear, people are going to kill me for making Sirius such a prat.

Next, I mentioned that James dated a 'Celestina', who, as you may or may not realize, is Celestina Warbeck, the famous singing sorceress.In book six, it clearly states that Mr.and Mrs. Weasley--whoare quite a few years older than James and co.-- listened to one of her songs when they were teenagers. Lucky for me, this story is AU, so I can ignore such canon if I so choose (though mycreative excuse is that they listened to that song and Celestina remade it later on).

Lastly--back toFlorence Nightingale. Sirius is refering to Florence Nightingale Syndrome, when a nurse falls inlove with their patient. He's got it a bit messed up, which is why I'm mentioning it.

Okay, with that all out of the way, let me next say this: OMG 289! That is brilliant! Thank you so much. That is so much more than I actually expected this story to get, and it always manages to make me squeal like a fangirl.

Thank you, ever so much, to: **sugur-huny-bun, Evercare** (Goodness, how I love your reviews. You see the characters exactly how I hope people will see them, and I'm glad that last chapter was your favorite, because I think it's my favorite so far, too. And to hear that the characters have matured is good, too, because that's what I'm aiming for more than anything. Thank you so much! ;D),** taniita **(lol! I'm glad it made you giddy. That's my favorite sort of romantic read, after all. And I'm glad that you like how I didn't have them kiss, because I was afraid that I'd be attacked by rabid readers demanding that they snog NOW.), **ElspethRenee, Siriusly.Mad.for.Sweets **(Yeah, it is extreme, which is why she didn't tell him. She knew that it was too, though it's probably no different than being in love with...Johnny Depp, for example.James ispopular, even if he doesn't realize it. And Snape should be coming...in a couple of chapters, I think. We'll see more with him and Lily then.), **Lady Radcliffe** (Oh, that review definitely had me grinning. After I started writing, I realized that she reminded me of Stargirl, too! If I recall, the ending of that book was sad, wasn't it? Oh, now I want to read it again.), **Blackness Angel** (thank you so much forall of your reviews. It was nice to hear what you thought of each chapter, and I'm so glad you took the time to do it. I was particularly happy to hear what you thought of Coronation Street because, as I've said, I've never seen it. Funny how I happened to pick out the boring onefor Lily to love! Oh, well. And this is seventh year.), **Countess Jackman** (Alas, Lily and James arerather timid as far as their relationship goes. They're honest, but timid. Not to mention if James kissed Lily, it'd be like when Harry kissed Cho; she'd be crying all over him ;D), **GoddessoftheMaaN**(glad you liked it!),** czarina-kathryn** (Thank you for that! And I haven't had time to review, but I have to say that I love your story Kissing the Enemy. This might sound odd, but I'm in love with your chapter titles ;D), **sodafizzz9, Laina3 **(Thank you! I loathe my penname, and therefore take it upon myself to commend people for being brilliant in the creation of theirs. Whether yours was creative or not, it sounds beautiful**), keanu **(I love to hear that you're excited! And gorgeous? Wow, I wouldn't go that far, but thank you for that :D), **man eating plant **(It's okay that you didn't review last chapter! Honestly, holidaying in outback Australia sounds like much more fun, lol.), **Kaitsy** (I loved your last chapter. And as I said in my most recent review, that first review was no problem, as I really am starting to worship your writing. I'm glad you liked 'The Floor'- it amused me, because that's just how I imagine a boy's dormitory would be. I'm glad you like their relationship, and I'm surprised to hear you like the first chapter, even more so to hear that it's your favorite first chapter ever! Because there really are some brilliant first chapters floating around.Thank you thank you thank you, those last three sentences made me giddy :D), **yellowcard-1991** (Wow, you think so? Thank you so much!), **and May Olivia** (I completely understand being busy. I love to hear that you're excited about it, because it makes me excited too! And thank you for saying to take my time--even though I try to put the chapters out quick, it's nice to know that people would understand if I wasn't able to.)


	21. Dating and Rosmerta

Chapter 21: Dating and Rosmerta

James and Lily were walking side by side, going to meeting in Dumbledore's office early. It had been James's idea, to Lily's delight; it was another chance to prove, to her and to himself, that he was trying to take the job seriously. It had caused all of his friends, especially Sirius, to call him a prat, but the way Lily had beamed at him had been worth it.

"I'm nervous." James didn't expect it from Lily, and he couldn't help gaping at her.

"What?"

"I don't know what's going to happen. I'm nervous."

James put a hand on her back, and she turned to look at him.

"It's just a meeting."

"I know that." she said, half laughing, "But it's important. It's V- You-Know-Who." Her face went solemn at that.

"Is that what you're calling him, then?" James asked. He had wondered for years what the right thing to call Voldemort was. When he was a kid, barely anyone had heard of Voldemort. Now everyone was afraid of saying his name, and, even after having seen him himself, using either one made him feel inadequate. He had taken to not even mentioning him.

It seemed as though Lily understood this, because she let out a heavy sigh.

"It's rediculous, I know. The right thing, obviously, is to call him Voldemort, but I used to be friends with Severus, and I didn't like it when his friends hexed me--"

"They hexed you?" James interrupted angrily, "What'd they do? D'you want me to--"

Lily shook her head.

"It's not important." she said, "It's strange to see you get so worked up about it."

"Who do those bastards think they are, hexing you?"

"It was a long time ago."

"I'll kick their arses. Snivellus too, dirty bastard. Why didn't he do anything?"

"James, we're not friends anymore, remember?"

James went quiet, feeling cross. The more he knew Lily, the more he felt the overwhelming need to protect her, whether she thought she needed it or not. Lily continued talking as though nothing had happened.

"Now it's the same sort of thing, except they don't hex me, they just sort of…look at me funny. Like they don't get why a muggleborn would-- why I would do something so stupid, you know? But I've made it all about myself, sorry."

"It's fine." James said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I should call him that too. Vol- Voldemort."

"Why don't you?"

"Because…" He had to think of something that didn't sound pathetic, because any of the reasons he had sounded made him sound as though he was too cowardly.

"I won't think any less of you, James. It's just a question." He hesitated another moment.

"It's easier not to say it." he said quickly, getting it out in a rush. Lily nodded and took his hand from his pocket. Wordlessly, she laced her fingers with his.

"I'm a bloody rotten Gryffindor, eh?" James sighed, and it was something that had bothered him for a long time. He was bold, but not brave. He didn't want to be an auror, he didn't want to say Voldemort's name. He wanted Voldemort to go away and leave him to live a peaceful life where he didn't have to have the worry, in the back of his head, that one day Voldemort would kill his parents. Or Lily's parents. Or Lily, for that matter. He hadn't thought of it before, but being muggleborn she was more at risk than he was of getting hurt, and he felt, suddenly, like demanding that she turn around and not go to this meeting that would risk her life that much more.

"You're a wonderful Gryffindor." Lily said, squeezing his hand, "Most people wouldn't admit that. Bravery's not about jumping in front of a dangerous situation and hoping that you live through it, you know."

"It's part of it."

"It can be. But I think that you're brave to be Head Boy when you probably didn't know if you could, and you're even braver to fancy me when Sirius hates me. Made it about me again, shoot." Lily turned red.

"Sirius doesn't hate you." His heart gave a loud thump of nervousness at the mention of fancying before he relaxed. It was hard to remember that Lily was allowed to know what he felt for her.

"He's hated me since this summer, and before that he didn't know I existed."

"See, that's funny." James said, frowning, "Because none of us ever knew who you were, and now--" He stopped, seeing that they had arrived at Dumbledore's office.

"Now what?" Lily asked, ignoring the door and looking up at him. He forgot, for a moment, what he was saying; her eyes looked particularly bright and he found himself staring at them.

"Now what?"

"Oh, right." James said, shaking his head, "Er, well--what I was saying was none of us knew about you until this summer, and now I don't see how we didn't."

"That confused me for awhile as well. But I know the answer to that now." Lily said, turning away toward the gargoyle, "It's because you don't pay attention to girls."

"What are you saying?" James asked, feeling slightly hurt. Of course he paid attention to girls-- he was a normal member of the male species, after all.

"Well, you see them, but you don't _see_ them. You're too busy with your friends and Quidditch to really notice."

"I _do_ notice." James began heatedly, "There's Celestina and Alice and Emmeline--"

"Toffee." Lily said to the gargoyle. Turning back to James she said, "I promise, we can talk about this later." She gave him a pat on the arm and released his hand. James stared at his hand awkwardly, feeling how empty it was now, before stuffing it back in his pocket.

As Lily went into Dumbledore's office, James was thinking hard. He knew that he hadn't dated many girls, but he had always thought that it was because there were none that were interesting. He didn't want to admit that what Lily had said was the truth-- the problem was not them, but the fact that he had not seen them. He wanted to think that it wasn't true, but Lily was evidence of it. He shook his head moodily and followed her.

* * *

"What d'you think?" James asked Lily an hour later. She looked up at him, and they laughed, from both nervousness and excitement. The meeting, as far as James could see, had been a success. He had to hand it to Dumbledore; his passion was infectious.

There hadn't been too much said; they wouldn't be able to join the order until they had graduated from Hogwarts, as Dumbledore wasn't able to actually enlist his students. But he had talked in detail about the roles they could play in defeating Voldemort. Dumbledore had described how they could help through spying, paperwork, planning, or cover-ups and bases of operations. James had felt shivers run down his spine numerous times, feeling that finally he'd be able to help somehow, even without being an auror. He was emotionally charged, even after having left the energetic atmosphere the room held. Before he had felt like he needed to protect Lily from it; now he hoped she would do it too, because he could see everything he felt reflected in her expression.

"To be honest, I've never been more excited."

"Me either." They walked in silence, words insufficient in describing the excitement they felt.

"What I said doesn't still bother you, does it?" Lily asked it so suddenly that James was taken aback. She was quicker than he was; the thought of what she had said earlier, about him not noticing girls, had not even reentered his head yet. It was a nagging little thing that marred his excitement, and he could help feeling a bit annoyed that she had brought it up. It was for that reason that he chose to retort irritably,

"I don't need you thinking I'm a bloody poof."

Lily shook her head, calm and placating.

"Of course I don't think that."

"Well it sounds like it."

"James," Lily said, giving him a knowing look, "if I thought that, would I be dating you?"

It was the first mention of the word _dating_. They had used the word 'fancy', but a day had passed and the subject of actually dating had not yet been broached. But Lily said it quickly and easily, as though the fact that they would was obvious. Of course, James had assumed that it would eventually be the case, but he had assumed that it would be another hard transition, another thing to deliberate and whine to Sirius over. Things had happened so quickly that he hadn't really had time to think about it, but now he was glad that it was over before it was begun. This caused his annoyance to evaporate, replaced by a calmer, warmer sort of excitement than the one he had experienced before.

"No, I guess not." James said, pleased and embarrassed at the same time.

"And besides," Lily said, putting an arm through his, "it makes you better. Less jaded as far as girls go."

"And you are as far as boys go?" James raised his eyebrows, and Lily shook her head.

"No. But I think you thought you were, and it's nice to know you're not."

"Hello, James, Lily." Sirius said, coming up behind them and causing them to break the link that their arms had formed. "Oh, don't mind me." he added, seeing that they already had, "Just passing through. Wouldn't want to ruin the moment and all that."

"Too late, as usual." Remus added, coming up behind Sirius and crossing his arms, "You wanker, just move already."

Sirius turned to Remus in mock hurt.

"Did you just call me a wanker?"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Like you don't call me one five times a day."

"I've moved it up to six. You obviously aren't counting."

"The fact that you are disgusts me, just a bit." James said over his shoulder.

"Shouldn't you be sucking Lily's face off, Potter?"

James went red and glanced at Lily to see how she would react. She was conveniently studying a suit of armor, though her cheeks were tinged pink.

"No." James said through his teeth, "As we have been dating for one day." It was now the first time that he had mentioned the word 'dating', and it sounded very serious, very committed. It didn't seem to have the effect on Sirius, who rolled his eyes.

"Please, Potter. We're not all bloody fucking prudes."

"Sirius, let's go look for Peter." Remus said loudly, giving Lily an apologetic look, "And meanwhile we can learn about manners."

"As long as you teach me how to knit a tea cozy, mother."

Sirius and Remus began bickering, and James rubbed his hand over his eyes,wondering if allthe embarrassmentwould stopafter he and Lily had been dating for a little while more than a day. He found himself seriously doubting it.

* * *

Two weeks and a few days later was a Hogsmeade weekend. Lily had informed James that she still had to go with him to get a proper birthday present, and, in spite of his protests, they were now going from shop to shop trying to find something he liked.

"How about this?" Lily asked, holding up an owl collar. James rarely used his owl (it was so bad that in the past three years he had gained twenty pounds), so he didn't see the point in giving it an embarrassing collar that flashed 'My owner loves me' in color-changing neon letters. It seemed unfair and slightly inhumane.

"Er--no, I don't think so."

Lily threw her hands up in frustration.

"I should have stuck with the wishes thing for your present. There is simply nothing to buy for someone who has everything."

"Forget it. I don't need one."

Lily sighed and looked up at him.

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

Lily sighed again, this time in relief.

"I knew I liked you." She gave him a quick hug, but before he could properly enjoy it or return it she had pulled away again.

"I have to look for your Christmas present now."

"You can't be serious."

"Yes, I am. Have you done it yet?"

James shook his head. He and Sirius didn't usually shop for presents. For his friends, normally he would find something his parents had given him that he'd never used, rewrapped it, and sent it off. It was a process that had served him well for six years, but when he explained this to Lily, she did not look impressed.

"You're joking."

"Why?" He honestly didn't see the problem; it wasn't as though what he gave his friends was bad. Perfect astronomical models, omniculars, and a set of mother of pearl gobstones were nothing to scoff at.

"James, you have to pick it. That's the best part!"

"I hate shopping." he grumbled. Lily grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the store, ignoring how the snow whipped at them mercilessly. It was not the best weekend to be out in Hogsmeade; it was snowing rather hard, and the wind blew it everywhere. James shivered and pulled his scarf around his nose, though he noticed Lily did not even bother with hers. They weaved through the large amounts of people until they entered into the pleasant warmth of the Three Broomsticks. Lily dragged him over to a small table in the corner that had miraculously not been taken and sat down. James assumed that she expected him to do the same, and therefore did so.

"What are we doing here?" James hissed.

"We're going to help you figure out what to give your friends." Lily whispered back, "Don't argue, it'll be wonderful."

"What happened to not wanting to change me?"

Lily sat back in her chair and gave him a hard look, as though trying to figure out whether he was being sincere in his question and if she should take its meaning to heart.

"I'm not trying to change you." she said after a moment, relaxing, "I'm teaching you what proper Christmas shopping is about."

"My way works fine. Peter doesn't even give Christmas presents."

"Maybe not to you." Lily retorted, "But I know for a fact that he--" she stopped, then turned red. James watched this happen, feeling inexplicable jealousy.

"He what?" he asked suspiciously, "Did he give _you_ a present?"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course he didn't."

"But he did…something."

"It has to do with what I can't tell you."

"Can finding out be my Christmas present?"

"I'll think about it. Now stop changing the subject, we have to help you pick out what to get for your friends. I'll make a list."

"Hi James!" The bar owner's pretty, curly haired daughter Rosmerta had walked up to their table and was smiling expectantly at him.

"Hey Rosie." James said, smiling. Rosmerta was one of the few girls besides Lily that he felt comfortable talking to, and probably the only girl who hadn't been on a Quidditch team but still knew every possible play.

"Where's Sirius?"

"No idea. Probably trying to woo Dorcas, if I had to guess."

Rosmerta put her hands on her hips.

"Dorcas Meadowes?"

"Yeah."

"She's fifteen!"

"It's sick, I know."

"Wow. I never would have thought--but who are you?" She seemed to notice Lily for the first time and was now eyeing her with interest. James turned to look at Lily as well, and saw that she had pulled some parchment and a Muggle pen from her pocket. Seeing James's stare, she explained,

"I don't like carrying pots of ink around."

James continued to look at the pen. He had taken Muggle Studies, so he knew what they were, but he still found them very interesting. Meanwhile, Lily looked up and smiled at Rosmerta.

"I'm Lily."

"I'm Rosmerta, even though this bloke and Sirius insist on calling me Rosie." She shook her head darkly.

"You like the name." James said, looking up from the pen, "At least you like it when Sirius says it." He smiled when she turned red. Rosmerta had a bit of a crush on Sirius.

"D'you want something to drink?" Rosmerta asked primly, "I have other customers to attend to."

"A firewhiskey would be great." James sighed, imagining the long and grueling day Lily would put him through.

"Oh no it wouldn't." Lily said sharply.

"Oh, come on." James said, exasperated, "I haven't had a ciggie in a week."

"Really?" Rosmerta broke in, surprised, "James, the last I saw you were a bit of a chain-smoker."

"That was before Lily turned me into a chicken." Rosmerta's mouth dropped, and she looked at Lily incredulously.

"You turned him into a _chicken_? For _smoking_?"

"Er." It was clear that Lily was embarrassed. "I felt sort of bad about it afterwards, but it was sort of ridiculous, I mean he just smoked all the time, and it's terrible for you, it really is…" Lily trailed off when Rosmerta began to laugh heartily.

"That is bloody brilliant!" she laughed, "Who would have thought that's what it took to attract James Potter?"

"I was not attracted to being turned into a chicken." James said firmly, but Rosmerta ignored him.

"I suppose I'll just bring him a water, then. I'd hate to see what you'll do to him if he drinks a firewhiskey." She chuckled again.

"It's not funny." James said, "And I'll have a butterbeer, thanks."

"Is that alright with her?" Rosmerta asked, nodding at Lily. Lily's face was quickly turning the color of her hair.

"He can have what he wants." she said weakly, "I don't--I don't decide what he gets, he's perfectly free to--"

"Oh, no, I don't know. We don't like animals in our pub…"

"A butterbeer's fine." James said, "Make it two." He gave Rosmerta a glare. He could see that Lily was practically dying of embarrassment, and he couldn't help hating Rosmerta at that moment for being so insensitive. Rosmerta seemed to get wind of James's annoyance, because she left in a hurry.

"Are you okay?" James asked Lily, reaching out to put a hand on hers.

"I'm so sorry." she said, "I shouldn't have tried to control any of it, you were right, and if you want a firewhiskey you can have it…"

"It's fine." James said soothingly, "I don't feel like having firewhiskey. Butterbeer's better."

"And you do your presents how you like, I'm sorry about that too."

James sighed.

"Look, it was stupid of me to bring up the whole chicken thing--"

"But it actually happened, didn't it? I actually did that, and--"

"It's fine. Rosie's a bitch, anyway."

"I doubt it." Lily said, "But thank you for trying, anyway." Rosmerta came back with the butterbeers, and neither of them said a word until their bottles were almost finished. Then James said, hesitantly,

"Listen, I'll pick your and Sirius's presents out myself, alright?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." Lily smiled and reached for his hand. Giving it to her, he smiled back. He had noticed that every time they were together, one of them reached out to touch the other. He liked that; they were always connected, always wanting to be a part of one another.

"Are you going to pick something out for your parents?" she asked him.

"My dad doesn't like presents. I don't bother getting them for him anymore."

"And…your mum?" It sounded like it hurt Lily to say, perhaps, James thought, because she was remembering Christmas shopping for her own mother.

"Maybe."

"You should. Even if you don't buy something, you should give her something. She's the one who brought you into the world, after all."

James didn't know how willingly she had done that, but he nodded at what Lily said. Then they fell into silence once more, both of them lost in thought and miles away from their little table in a crowded pub.

* * *

I know. It's been forever. But I promise, I updated as soon as I could! Thank you guys for being so patient.

Before I acknowledge individual reviews, I want to mention some things that were mentioned in a few reviews: First, Lily and James are together. I hope that became a little clearer in this chapter, but, in my mind, they've essentially been together since the end of chapter nineteen. Just because they aren't snogging (yet) doesn't mean they aren't attracted to each other ;D. And also, I'm sort of worried because I think I remember (though of course I can't find a review that says it right now) there are a few people who don't know who Marlene is. She's Charlie's (Hestia's boyfriend) sister, and she's also friends with Hestia and a girl in Lily's dormitory. We're going to be seeing more of her, and I'd really appreciate reviewers letting me know if I need to work harder to keep her sticking in the reader's mind. I'll try to make her more visible in the coming chapters!

Anyway, last chapter Girl on a Yellow Bike surpassed 300 reviews-- isn't that fantastic? How thrilling. Thank you so much to **GoddessoftheMaaN** (sorry it took so long! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter), **taniita** (Well, it's a common belief that Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles, thought it's not official or anything. And URG I hate the stories where all they do is kiss. I have to say, when that's all they doit's pretty unromantic.), **missprongs07, sugur-huny-bun** (Sirius is an odd one, but I love him too, lol), **sodafizzz19** (their relationship is...slow. Cautious. Lily and James aren't the sort to snog each other after dating for five minutes, at least not in this story, lol. And Sirius is...well, kind of jealous, and pretty protective of James, which is why he doesn't like Lily very much at the moment. She sort of has to prove herself to him a hundred times more than she did with James, which is sometimes how that works :D), **May Olivia** (Like a fangirl, huh? Lol! Well, I took quite a bit of time with this chapter, but hopefully it's worth it!), **Elspeth Renee** (Thank you!), **obscure-priestess** (I think we all want a James to marry, don't we? I don't think you're a psycopath, and I can say that there are several more chapters planned for sure!), **fork-tofu-pingpong-fish** (What an awesome name! And Lily's definitely OOC by fanon standards (which is part of the reason it's AU), though we haven't really seen enough of Lily in the books to actually know what she's like, have we?), **firewalker32, complicated123** (Well, Lily's sad because her mum died. My story moves kind of slow, soit mightseem like she's been sad for months and months when it's really beena couple of weeks.), **mika-mitch** (I'm so glad you like Lily and James! It's easy to try to make them perfect, so I'm glad to hear that my efforts to make them flawed are working!), **man eating plant**(James is a sweetie. And Peter...no, Imustn't say a word ;D), **Bangkok to Calgary** (you changed your username! I like it. And I'm reallyglad that there were a few people who really like the John and Yoko thing, becauseI loved putting it in. Sirius and his random bits of Muggle trivia are so fun. James and Lily aregoing to get more romantic as the chapters progress, though I don't think they'll becomerediculously so. The hormones won't come and swallow all their brainpower, I promise you! And last chapter was indeed really fast, just as this one was really slow, lol.), **Laina3, Blackness Angel** (Do you mean you don't know whoMarlene and Hestia were? They were first mentioned in chapter 9), **Kaitsy** (Hehe, it's funny how everyone seems to love Sirius when I was so afraid people would hate him.And the Yoko reference was possibly one of my favorite parts of my own writing, as pathetic as that might sound. Lily is very kind, but I think not going home for the holidays was sort of...selfish and unselfish at thesame time. She didn't want her family to be miserable, but she didn't want to be miserable, either. She just doesn'tsee the point of an unhappy Christmas, really.I'll probably end up addressing that more later...Oh, you're welcome. I can't get over how much I love your reviews too. That whole thing about your favorites list...I was tickled. Really, thank you so much.), **Achava** (I'm not saying a word about Peter! lol.), **yellowcard-1991, Rose Richelieu** (There are so many wonderfulJ/L fics if you really look, and I hope that you're able to find some of them.Thank you very much!), **Claudia, m-girls, pigs can fly** (I'm so glad you chose to review last chapter! Thank you very much.), and **BlueShadowDemond.**


	22. Moods and Broom Closets

Chapter 22: Moods and Broom Closets

James was in one of his moods.

He hadn't been in a very long time; in fact, for a while the days of being in a dark mood seemed distant and unnatural. But a week into December, having received yet another letter from his mother, it returned as though it had never left. It was a Friday night, and the rest of the boys had abandoned the dormitory for an environment less hostile.

He crushed the paper clenched in his fist even tighter, wishing that by doing so it could be destroyed and never have existed. But it remained firmly in his hand, and the situation continued to be the same as each second passed.

_Dearest James,_

_Well, love, it's all settled; I've spoken it over with Madame Delacour, and we've decided that we can announce your engagement to Adele at the Christmas ball. Adele will come with me to pick you up from the station when you come home, and I hope that you two will spend plenty of time together over the holiday! Her English isn't the best, but she is a beautiful, well-off girl, and I know you two will get along famously._

_Darling, I notice you haven't been responding to my letters, and your father agrees. I can only hope that you are minding your studies and Head Boy duties! Write me a letter sometime soon, and we love you. Only a few weeks until we are all together again!_

_Love, _

_Mum_

Adele, James assumed, was Madame Delacour's sister. How was it that he was supposed to be engaged to someone who's name he had just learned? It infuriated him that the nosy old women had the audacity to even try. Especially now, when things were going along so well, when he had Lily. It seemed that everything in the universe was trying to go against them, like all the forces of nature were trying to take away the happiest thing that he had.

"James?"

James looked up from where he sat on his bed to see Lily sticking her head through the door. The light shining into the darkened room from behind her lit her hair up like a burning halo, and it hurt him to see her look so pretty.

"James, you missed the prefect meeting."

"Oh, did I?" James asked, his voice toneless.

"Yes, you did, but you needn't worry about it, Remus helped me." Lily took a step into the room hesitantly.

"Mm."

"Sirius told me I shouldn't come in. Should I leave?"

James made a sound that really indicated neither yes or no. Lily took it to mean that she should stay, as she closed the door almost all the way and strode toward him until she was standing next to his bed.

"What is it?"

"What do you think?" James showed her the crumpled ball in his hand, and Lily rubbed his shoulder sympathetically.

"Don't let her bother you, James."

"How can I help it when she sends me this--this bleeding piece of shit!" James threw the ball to The Floor and Lily jumped backward, the sudden change in tone surprising her.

"Do you want to tell me?" Lily asked quietly. James noticed that she was closer to the door.

"Mm."

"Witty." Lily said dryly. "If you decide you need to talk to me, let me know. I won't bother you if you don't want to see me." She walked out and James spread himself out on his bed, feeling hopeless. He tried to imagine what he could possibly write in a letter to his mother that could express his rage, annoyance, and desperation properly. He wondered, idly, if a howler would work well enough so that Adele would stay in France. He had a hard time convincing himself.

The next thing he knew, the door of the dormitory, which had not been properly shut, was flung open and someone was on top of him from his torso up. He froze, then smelled a familiar shampoo--Lily's.

"Lily?" he asked, though his words were impossible to make out, as her arm was wrapped around his head.

"I just want you to know that I care about you very much." she said, "And that whatever your mum has done, it must have been completely terrible, and I hope I didn't sound like I didn't care about how you felt."

"Mmmph!" The loud noise that came from his throat was sufficient in getting her to remove her arm from his face, allowing him to sit up and straighten his glasses. She watched him expectantly, as though awaiting his verdict.

"I didn't think that you didn't care." James muttered finally. He was repressing a smile--once again, she'd convinced him that she was the strangest person he'd ever met, though he found it oddly endearing.

Lily smiled and put a hand to the side of his face.

"Alright."

Quickly, as though trying not to think about what she was doing, she gave him a kiss on the cheek, then hurried out, shutting the door all the way behind her. All thoughts of what had upset James had disappeared, replaced with the feeling of her lips on her cheek. The spot seemed to burn, and he touched it lightly, his insides twisting into knots. A ridiculous grin formed on his face, and he sat like that for a long while, completely content.

How could he be engaged to Adele when he had Lily?

* * *

The next afternoon in the common room, an amiable kick in the leg alerted James of someone's presence. 

"Hey, Potter!" she said cheerfully. For a second he was bewildered, before he recognized the pink-cheeked grin--Hestia. He hadn't recognized her because her long, dark hair had been shorn into a boyish cut that formed ringlets near her ears and made her look at least three years older than she was.

"Hullo. Er--nice hair." He gestured at it, and Hestia ran a hand through it jovially.

"Marlene did it, believe it or not. Who knew she had a talent?" Hestia snorted, indicating that _she_ certainly hadn't guessed it. James couldn't help laughing. The day had been a fantastic one, Gryffindor winning the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff 380-70. Lily giving him a giant congratulatory hug and the admiring look in her eyes helped too.

"How's Charlie?" he asked, not quite knowing what to say. To his embarrassment, Hestia's face clouded over and she looked like she was about to cry.

"Dirty piece of shit." she muttered, wiping at her eyes, "I never want to hear that name again."

"Why?" James asked, wanting to run away. He didn't like the idea of making a girl cry, least of all the one girl who he would never have suspected indulged in crying.

"Dirty rotten liar was snogging Meghan McCormack. One of the Ravenclaw chasers." she clarified, seeing James's blank look. He couldn't remember who she was, but seeing how annoyed Hestia looked, he nodded anyway.

"Oh, yeah." he said, seeing she didn't look convinced, "That ugly girl?"

She seemed pleased with that and clapped him on the back.

"Evans is lucky to have a boy like you." she said proudly. She moved slightly to the left to see something behind James, then called out after a moment, "Oy, Marlene!" She looked up at James, then said, "I hardly ever see the twit lately. Normally I can't get rid of her."

"What d'you want?" Marlene asked, stumbling over to them. It seemed as though she had gotten her hands on some post-Quidditch game alcohol, as her cheeks were flushed and she seemed slightly wobbly.

"Nothing, just want to save you from getting hopelessly drunk. Charlie--" she stopped, and a pained expression flitted across her face. It quickly disappeared. "Charlie told me how you get. A lot bolder, if you know what I mean." She gave James a knowing look that James didn't want to be able to interpret.

"I am not drunk." the blond girl said, drawing herself up with as much dignity as she could muster, "I'm just not miserable."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Shut up, Hestia." Marlene said, putting a hand to her head and looking exhausted, "Just let me enjoy myself, alright?"

"I never stopped you." Hestia snapped. Marlene stormed away, and James couldn't help thinking that Hestia looked pathetic.

"I think she holds it against me that me and Charlie broke up." she sighed, "Damn McKinnons. Even their mum hates me."

"Er--sorry." James didn't know what to say. Hestia shook her head at him.

"You don't have to entertain me, you bastard." she said, "Go snog Evans already."

James patted Hestia's shoulder in an awkward imitation of what he thought Lily would do. Hestia gave him an odd look, so he abandoned it and hurried away.

Instead of finding Lily, James found Sirius, who he hadn't talked to all day. It was clear that, in spite of having won a spectacular game of Quidditch, he wasn't sure if James was still in a mood. James grinned, and Sirius visibly relaxed.

"Great game, eh?"

"Yeah, I saw you telling everyone how it's thanks to you that Bagman hit all those people."

"It's true! If I hadn't told him exactly who to--"

"You told him to hit me."

"You looked like a Hufflepuff! That one Keeper bloke, you and he really--"

"I was wearing red and he was wearing yellow. And you told him to hit me twice."

"Bad luck, Prongs." Sirius said, obviously not wanting to admit anything, "So, has the wife had a kid yet?"

"What?"

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Is Evans pregnant yet?"

James took a step away from him.

"Are you joking?"

"Well, you're together often enough, can't blame me for wondering…"

"Just because you're a dirty cradle robbing bastard doesn't mean--" He stopped talking at seeing the self-satisfied grin on Sirius's face.

"What did you do?" James asked slowly.

"Nothing."

"Who d'you think you're kidding?"

"Three guesses who wants me."

James honestly thought about it. Probably every girl who Sirius had dated, and many more who he hadn't even looked at, could say that they wanted him. He found it disgusting.

"Who?"

"Dorcas." Sirius bounced on the balls of his face, looking extremely satisfied with himself. James shook his head, but decided to be glad for his friend, hoping that someday Sirius would choose to return the favor.

"That's brilliant. Have you snogged her yet?"

"Yeah bloody right." Sirius laughed, ambling over to an armchair and collapsing into it joyously, "I've got her right where I want her. Now I plan on snogging as many available girls as possible in front of her. Maybe even some that _aren't_ available." Sirius wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"What about Rosmerta?" came a voice from behind James. James turned around and grinned as he found himself looking at Lily.

"Rosmerta?" Sirius asked, his brow furrowing. James didn't know if it was confusion or dislike that caused it, though he hoped it was the former.

"Yes. She seems to fancy you." James shook his head at Lily. He was surprised to see that she didn't seem to realize one thing that he had always known, and that was that if Rosie and Sirius dated, Rosie would end up getting hurt. In spite of the way she had acted toward Lily when they had been in Hosmeade, Rosmerta was a good girl, and James didn't want to see Sirius ruin a perfectly good friendship.

"She does?" Sirius asked, looking shocked. James found that rather unusual. In his general experience, Sirius thought that every girl he knew fancied him, which was usually the case.

"Er--perhaps." Lily said, having interpreted James's expression, "I mean, she _could_. That's not to say she does, of course."

"But you think she does?"

"I-- maybe?"

A grin began to form on Sirius's face.

"We-ell." he said, sounding as though he'd won a prize, "Rosie likes me. Rosie! Who would've thought? Of course, no sane girl could have resisted, but still! Prongs, what d'you think?"

"That you're a stuck up git."

"Don't get your knickers in a twist simply because I'm wildly famous among the female species." Sirius said, preening, "After all, you do have Evans. It's not Rosie, but I suppose you've made do with what you have."

"Excuse me." Lily said, "I'm right here. You could at least call me Lily." James started laughing, extremely amused by the stern tone Lily used with Sirius. Sirius stuck out his tongue at them.

"Go find a broom closet or something." he drawled.

"But then we might run into Peter and--" Lily froze, and Sirius and James gaped at her.

"What?" James asked in a high pitched voice.

"Nothing." Lily said, reddening, "Absolutely nothing."

"Liar." Sirius said, pointing at her, "D'you mean to tell me that _Wormtail has been in broom closets?_"

"No."

"People in broom closets mean one thing." Sirius said, turning to James, "And that means Peter's got a girlfriend."

"It doesn't mean anything." Lily said in vain.

"But who the hell would snog Peter?" Sirius continued. James didn't say anything. He was too busy thinking. All of those times that Peter had mysteriously had to go, been unable to find--he was snogging someone? It all made sense, but it seemed completely unbelievable.

"Who's he been snogging?" Sirius asked Lily. Lily shook her head, a blush having passed over her cheeks.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"The map." he said to Sirius out of the corner of his mouth, and a look of understanding crossed Sirius's face. Without words, he was telling Sirius that the Marauder's Map would tell them everything they needed to know about who Peter was snogging.

* * *

Two hours later, Sirius and James were staring at each other in disbelief. 

"Marlene McKinnon?" Sirius asked, "Isn't she the blond one?"

"Yeah." James was surprised as well. How could he have spoken to her and not known? It seemed like a mistake, but the map never lied.

"But she's--she's not ugly!" Sirius cried, "How the hell did Peter get-- and I-- and Lily-- but you." He turned to face the bed next to his, which Remus was laying in, "You knew, didn't you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Remus said, sounding exactly like Lily had; too guilty to be telling the truth.

"Look at them!" Sirius exclaimed, watching the map in horror, "_There is only one dot! They're on top of each other!_"

James gave an involuntary shudder. He did not want to think about it. He did not want to admit that Marlene's embarrassment around the Marauder's and her walking in on him while he was getting dressed could be explained by her _dating Peter._ There was just something about Peter that had made James think that he would be alone forever.

"I have a headache." Sirius moaned, "I'm going to bed. Goodnight." He flung the map onto The Floor (which was not a very smart thing to do, James reflected), and flopped onto his stomach. James pulled off his robes, then got into his own bed, which was on the other side of Sirius's.

The last thing that he remembered thinking that night was that there really _was_ only one dot.

* * *

Here's a quick update to make up for the long gap between chapters 20 and 21. The mystery of Peter has been solved, lol! It might have seemed a bit Peter-basher-esque, but that was honestly not the intention. Peter was just one of those people that they honestly never thought would get a girlfriend.

Just as a matter of interest, Girl on a Yellow Bike is now on the favorites list of 102 people! Thank you to all of you guys so much!

Also, thanks a million to you awesome reviewers. More specifically, thank you to **firewalker32, GoddessoftheMaaN, anon** (I'm so glad you decided to review last chapter, and so glad that Lily and James's relationship seems realto you.Your review really made my day.), **sugur-huny-bun, taniita** (good luck!), **m-girls** (mm, interesting idea, but after the whole Snape thing Sirius has been sort of holding off on pranks, and he's not reallywilling to compromise his friendship with James for a prank. But I do love Sirius, really ;D), **lightningfirebug** (I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!), **man eating plant** (Thank you for your suggestion! I agree with you completely,and as you can see from this chapter, Peter's sneakiness was something else entirely, lol...),**nanirain** (Aww, thank you so much!That really put a smile on my face), **erinsailorditz** (I'm so sorry to have kept you up so late! I'm so glad you like it, and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.), **ichigo, Percephone, and obscure-priestess** (It's perfectly fine! Sirius isn't always the brightest thing, though it's impossible to bring myself to hate him ;D)


	23. Starshine and Snogging

Chapter 23: Starshine and Snogging

The first thing Sirius said when he heard that James was going to be engaged was,

"I don't think Yoko's gonna like this."

James sighed in annoyance.

"D'you have to call Lily 'Yoko'?"

"What would you prefer? Starshine? Moonbeam? She-Who-Hath-Taken-The-Cigarettes-And-All-Other-Traces-Of-Who-My-Best-Friend-Used-To-Be?"

"Why do you have to use this situation to insult my girlfriend?" James rubbed his temples. He really needed a new best friend.

"Eeeugh." Sirius said, shaking his head. "Girlfriend. It's so…official."

"Look, just because you hate her--"

"I don't hate her. I just don't want your children to have red hair."

"Why are we talking about my children?" James asked, turning a little red.

"No reason. We can talk about Peter and that McKinnon girl if you--"

"No."

"Fine." Sirius leaned back on his bed until he was laying down, imitating the position James was already in.

"D'you _want_ to marry Adele?" Sirius asked after a moment. James looked over at him in disgust.

"That, Padfoot, was one of the stupidest questions you've ever asked."

"Just because you haven't gotten your tobacco fix, no need to bring me down."

James put an arm over his face. Tobacco withdrawal was not one of the things causing his bad mood. Since he'd woken up that morning, he'd had at least four cigarettes, and he predicted that there were many more to follow. He didn't want to go downstairs and have Lily smell it and get upset, so he'd already decided not to go down that day and pretend to do homework.

"If you don't want to marry Adele," Sirius continued, "just have Lily go with you to your mum's Christmas ball. Find all the mistletoe you can and be disgustingly obvious in your devotion."

"You honestly think something so simpleminded would work?"

"Jimmy, look at me." James did, and saw that Sirius had a hand on his heart and an expression on his face that was completely solemn.

"Jimmy," he repeated, "That 'simpleminded' trick, as you so callously put it, got me out of three arranged marriages. _Three._"

James regarded Sirius suspiciously.

"Your first engagement was when you were ten."

"And dear, sweet Alice--formerly of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, currently married to Frank Longbottom--got me out of it. Lovely girl, kissed me no less than fifteen times in the span of half an hour. She hated me, too."

"No wonder they blasted you off the family tree, you womanizing prick."

"Call me what you want, if you don't want to marry Adele, that's the only way to go about it."

"Well, it won't work." James said after a moment's thought, "Because Lily isn't going home for Christmas."

"Why?"

"Her family's bonkers, that's why."

"So's your family. I see the problem."

"Yeah. So…any other ideas?"

"I suppose you already struck down the idea of a howler?"

"Sirius, what good would a howler do with _my_ mum?"

"Point taken. Er--I can't think of anything." Sirius shrugged helplessly, and James felt something slip inside him. Sirius was rarely out of ideas, and if he couldn't think of anything now, when James needed him the most…it seemed that he should probably go downstairs and say goodbye to Lily right then.

"Hold on," Sirius said, sitting up, "I could--but--damn, I don't _want_--"

"What?"

"I've got an idea, but I don't like it. I don't want to--never mind. Forget it."

"Sirius."

"But _James_--"

"Sirius, d'you want me to be married to Adele?"

"_No_, but--"

"I'll move to France and name my first born son Gay-Pierre. I swear I will."

"Fine." Sirius let out a sigh then said in a rush, "I'veboughtaflatandifwehavetoshecanstaythereoverChristmasholiday."

"Where'd you get money to get a flat?"

"Uncle Alphard. The good chap who funded our broomsticks, if you'll recall." Sirius spoke reluctantly, and it was clear that he did _not_ want Lily in _his_ flat. James, however, smiled.

"Is your flat far from my house?"

"What does it matter? She can apparate, can't she?"

"Yeah," James said, laughing a little, "yeah, she can. And this works? You're sure snogging Lily in front of my mum'll get rid of the engagement?"

"It worked for me. Three times."

"Yeah, it did." James felt light and wanted to go downstairs and perhaps snog Lily right then, cigarettes on his breath or no. Then something occurred to him, and he frowned.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I've never kissed Lily before. How am I supposed to snog her in front of my mum?"

"You're joking."

"Er--no."

James heard a noise that seemed to indicate that Sirius was hitting his head on something hard and wooden, like a headboard.

"Sirius?"

"James, you are the most pathetic creature I've ever had the misfortune to meet. You'll never have redheaded children because _you two will be virgins the rest of your long and miserable lives._"

"No, I--"

"Do you realize that Peter has gone farther than you?"

James had to stare, slack jawed at Sirius for a whole minute before he could think of a response to that.

"He and Marlene've probably-- they've probably been going out longer than--"

"Two weeks longer than you and Lily. And they're shagging like rabbits in broom closets, empty classrooms…everywhere!" There was pain in every syllable, as though Sirius was imagining stumbling upon them while they were at it.

"How the hell do you know this?"

"I talk to Remus when you're busy trying to drown yourself in the shower."

James made a mental note that he should remember that Remus knew everything and that therefore he really ought to talk to him more often. Of course, now he'd been given the image of Peter and Marlene shagging…it was too much. He shook his head.

"D'you fancy the idea of finding out what she sees in him?" Sirius asked, "I always thought I was just good with women, but if she's with him, it's proof that Hogwarts girls are desperate."

"Look, can you do this later?" James asked, feeling annoyed, "How the hell am I supposed to do this?"

"You could try talking to your bloody girlfriend, for one thing."

James got up and became conscious of his smoky smell. He winced, imagining what sort of snogging Lily would want to be doing with _him._

"You know a spell that could get rid of a smell?"

"Not a spell, mate. It's called a shower."

"Thanks." James said sarcastically.

"Hey, listen," Sirius said, sitting up, "I think you owe me, considering all the wonderful advice I give you--"

James snorted. He didn't exactly consider Sirius's advice 'wonderful'.

"Shut it, Potter. You owe me for letting your girlfriend stay in my flat, so the least you can do is help me with one prank."

"Now?"

"Yeah. I never pranked Lily properly--haven't really pulled any pranks this year, actually." Sirius paused for a moment, considering this and looking troubled.

"So what d'you propose we do?"

"Well, I was thinking…" Sirius began to explain his plan to James, and James felt that old feeling of excitement before breaking the rules that he'd thought had disappeared.

* * *

"James, dear." Lily said two hours later, approaching him in the common room, "You wouldn't have any idea about who cursed the girl's toilets, now, would you?" 

James looked up from his NEWT exercises innocently.

"What do you mean, love?"

"It would seem that someone--or several someones--" she paused and aimed a pointed glance at Sirius, who was positioned several feet away, "decided that they would curse every toilet in every girl's bathroom in the entire school."

James put on a look of concern.

"Shocking."

"I know." Lily said, "And would you believe that not one boy's toilet is going around telling everyone who used it today? Not even one."

"Terrible."

"And you have no idea who did it?"

"Lily, I'm hurt. Why would you even insinuate such a thing?"

"Silly, I know." Lily said smiling. She bent down and leaned very close to him, and he thought for a brief second that she might give him a kiss on the cheek, but then she whispered in his ear, "You forgot your invisibility cloak in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, love."

James grinned sheepishly, and was hugely relieved to see that Lily didn't look upset. On the contrary, she was grinning widely at him, so he had enough courage to ask,

"Did you get it?"

She opened up her bag, and he could see the silver cloth sparkling within.

"Thank you." James stroked her hair lovingly, and her wide smile faded into a gentle, blissful one.

"You're not going to take off points, then?"

"I have no idea who did it, remember?"

"Seriously." James said, "You're not mad?"

"James, I'm not going to tell you off for some silly prank. It didn't hurt anyone."

"I need to talk to you." James didn't want to tell her, as he was enjoying

"Which is never a good sign." Lily said, her smile disappearing, "So many good things have been ruined with that sentence, you know."

"I don't--well, yeah, it's not good, but--er--I hope it won't be bad, really." James hadn't been nervous around Lily since before they had started dating, and he was instantly reminded at how much he hated it.

"Alright." Lily stood up straight and sat down next to him on the couch, "What is it?"

"Lily, my er--well, I've gotten a letter--several letters really, from my mum, and er--well, it's just--"

"Just say it, really quick." she said gently.

"I'm going to be engaged." For a moment the world seemed to go silent, as his words seemed to echo.

"Wait--what?" Lily's face had gone paler than usual, but she had a tiny smile on her face, "Like engaged to be married?"

"Er--yeah."

"To who? What? How can you--"

"Look, my mum knows this girl, this bitch named Adele, and she and Adele's mum have decided that me and Adele are going to be married, only we've never met and I don't want to be engaged to her because I--" he stopped for a moment, then said hesitantly, "I like you too much. And I only found out yesterday, so it's not like-- I haven't been lying to you." Sirius had warned him to include that, in case Lily thought he'd been purposely tricking her.

Lily stared for a full two minutes that seemed to stretch on for eternity before she said,

"And how serious is being engaged in the wizarding world? I mean-- once they decide, does it usually--do they usually get married?"

"Most of the time."

Lily looked down at her hands, then up at him. For a moment they just stared at each other, before Lily said, quietly,

"Please don't get married. I know it's terribly selfish, but--please, don't." Slowly she leaned towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his chest. He let her stay there a minute before he gently grabbed her forearms and pulled her off of him.

"I talked to Sirius about it, and he has something that-- I mean, it might sound really stupid, but--" Suddenly it sounded like the stupidest idea in the world. It sounded like something that some hormonally driven teenage boy would come up with-- 'snog me so that I don't marry someone else'. He didn't want to tell her now, because he was afraid of what she might think.

"James, you'd better tell me." Her voice had a dangerous tone that brought back the memory of her mother warning him not to curse in her kitchen.

"Alright, this'll sound dumb, but Sirius said it got him out of three engagements." He sighed, then continued,

"He said if I bring you to the Christmas ball with me and--er--if we snog, then it'll convince my mum to break off the engagement."

Lily stared at him.

"He wasn't joking?"

"Er--frighteningly enough, no."

Lily shook her head.

"It figures."

"Hey, does that bother you? Because, I mean--if it does, I can do something else, I can run away or hex Adele so bad that she runs screaming back to France, or…or…" Those ideas, which had wildly crossed his mind before, now seemed brilliant in comparison with this stupid plan. He was terrified that Lily would say no and tell him she didn't want to have anything more to do with him, or worse, that she would say yes and then break up with him because he'd pressured her into it.

"The only problem is that I'm not going home for Christmas."

"Sirius said you could stay in his flat." James said quickly, "And I mean, it's not pervy, Sirius'll be at my house, and I'll visit you every day and if it bothers you, you can go back to Hogwarts early and celebrate Christmas here, or--" James stopped, because he realized he was not only rambling, but his voice was getting increasingly higher with every word.

"James." Lily took his face into her hands and looked up at him seriously, "Do you realize how many worse punishments there are in this world than snogging your boyfriend?"

"Well, I didn't--"

"You didn't want to go too fast. You know you're the sweetest person I know, right?"

James felt guilty for some reason, as though he had deceived her into thinking that he was sweet. To relieve his conscience, he said,

"I smoked four cigarettes today."

Lily frowned a little.

"Oh. You do know that it's terrible, and--" she stopped when she saw how guilty he looked. She sighed and slid her hands down from his face and to his hands.

"I just don't want you to hurt yourself. You mean more to me than anyone."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want to say it's alright, but it is. If I smoked, I'd probably have smoked today, too."

"Does this mean I don't get a kiss now?"

"Will it sound ridiculous if I ask for just a little more time?"

"No." And it didn't, somehow. He found that just the promise of knowing that she would someday, that she was willing to, was good enough for the time being. He didn't know if he was supposed to be frustrated, but the smile she gave him made him glad that he wasn't.

"Did you know that Marlene and Peter are shagging?" James asked suddenly. Lily glanced over at him, looking disgusted.

"They haven't been dating long enough."

"Ho ho. So you did know about them!"

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Marlene made me promise not to tell, and I'm not going to go about discussing such matters Peter's dorm-mates."

"Who he neglected to tell any of this to."

"So how in the world did you hear they were shagging?"

"Remus."

Lily groaned, which told James that she believed it if it came from him. He really did need to talk to him more often.

* * *

And here is chapter 23! I hope you all enjoyed it. And to all the reviewers who shuddered over the whole 'dot' thing last chapter...well, I laughed a lot from hearing about that. 

Speaking of reviewers, thank you very much to **Holly-Short-Evans** (lol! Next chapter is when we get to meet our lovely Adele!), **GoddessoftheMaaN** (Thank you! Oh gosh, sorry you had to wait that long, and sorry it almost caused your hair such damage! Hopefully you'll get to access this chapter quicker!), **Julia **(Thank you very much. Your English is lovely, you have nothing to worry about at all ;D), **Bangkok to Calgary** (I know, Hestia's one of my favorites! Sorry that I've made you hate me, but what would the rest of the story be if it was fluff?...okay, I know, stupid question. Oh well! And yes, our dear mister Moony shall become more prominent...in a few chapters, I believe! Thank you for pointing it out, though, I would have hated to forget him, lol!), **sugur-huny-bun, Percephone **(Thank you very much! Yeah, this chapter is where Lily found out about the letter. She didn't see it when he got it, she just knew that every time his mother sends him a letter, James gets upset.), **Countess Jackman** (that's alright! Thank you!), **taniita** (I'm glad to hear it. Thank you so much, the dot thing...well, it sort of made sense, at least I thought so!), **SnowFlakeGinny** (I think this update is after only a week, so I hurried to update!), **missprongs07** (I don't really plan the story in terms of chapters, so I'm not quite sure how many more chapters there are. That's not to say it isn't planned out, I just don't have the exact number of chapters.Sorry!), **-ShIvErInG sMiLe-, Siriusly.Mad.for.Sweets** (Sirius is a terrible friend to Peter, I know! And if Sirius and Rosie go out--yeah, she's older, but only by about five years, which is _not_ a deterrent at all to him!), **firewalker32** (Yeah, that's sort of how it was with Hestia. And I know, it's a really terrible thing to do!), **JenSnuffles** (Thank you so much! I'm not sure whether I should be telling you to do your homework or feel honored that you set it aside for this story and to write such lovely things...I suppose I'll do both!),**Abarraine, Lily's Petal, hyperlily, GaryLovesPickles** (I'm glad you got some sleep. It's good for you! You can always come back and finish reading the other chapters later.), and **Hazel Maraa** (Thank you! I love your penname. Here's a pretty quick update for you--hope you enjoy!)

And thank all of you who read but don't have the time/energy/motivation (haha!) to review. I'm happy for everyone who reads this story whether they review it, put it on their favorites list,orhate it but decide not to leave a flame so harsh that it crushes my delicate little dreams of being a writer. I appreciate you all :D


	24. Scolding and a Kiss

Chapter 24: Scolding and a Kiss

As they were trudging through the snow toward the horseless carriages, Lily paused.

"Remus."

"What about him?" James asked. He was slightly preoccupied, trying to imagine what it would be like to meet Adele. He was determined to hate her, and was already certain he'd keep Lily close at all times. He didn't want to be alone with Adele or his mum for one second.

"He's not staying with you for Christmas?"

"No."

"Why? Is it—oh, it's full moon, isn't it?"

"Wha—oh." James had forgotten for a moment that Lily knew about Remus, and was relieved that he didn't have to lie to her about it.

"Yeah. I wanted to invite him, but…" he trailed off.

"When's the full moon, exactly?"

"Christmas."

"The actual _day?_"

"Yeah."

"Oh, poor Remus." Lily said, looking sad. Unconsciously, James put an arm around her, not realizing that he'd done so until she put an arm around his waist. They began to walk again, just like that.

"How about Peter?" she asked.

"Going home. His mum makes him come home for every holiday. She gets upset when he's away too long."

"Separation anxiety."

"Yeah."

She was quiet for a moment, before she said,

"I'm really happy Sirius offered me his flat. It's really, really nice of him."

"Mm. Yeah." There was no way in hell James would tell her the struggle Sirius had put up. Even yesterday, Sirius had begged James to just have her in his house.

"I forgot, I was going to have a giant party at my house, I don't think she'd like it if she was there." He'd said at the time.

James had known Sirius was lying, and wondered at how the same person who had suggested he snog Lily to get his mum off his back couldn't stand the thought of her staying in his flat.

"Jamie!" came a call from far behind him, "Jamie, darling, wait for me!"

James froze. Though he knew that falsetto voice anywhere, he was disturbed at how much it also sounded like his mother. Lily smiled when she heard it.

"Jamie." She muttered under her breath, as though testing it out. From the wicked grin on her face, James could only guess she enjoyed saying it a good deal.

"Jamie!" came the voice again. A second later, he had a hand messing up his hair that was most certainly _not_ Lily's.

"Sirius." James said, "What the hell d'you think you're playing at?"

"Jamie, what do _you_ think _you're_ playing at? I'm hurt. Yo-Lily, do you see how he talks to me?"

Lily raised her eyebrows at being addressed by him, though she said coolly,

"Yes, I know. _Most_ uncivil."

James rounded on her.

"What? You're siding with _him?_"

Lily smiled, but didn't say anything.

"See James? No matter how hard you work a few words from me and she's mine. Not even your bloody love letters can compete with the Black charm."

"Love letters?" James asked, just as Lily asked him, "You wrote love letters?"

"Yes, dear, he has." Sirius said to Lily, "Poor bugger, he's a lost cause."

"I did _not!_"

"At least not yet. Lily'll find them stuffed under her pillow any day now."

Lily shook her head at both of them.

"You're both ridiculous." She said, "I'm going to share a carriage with Marlene. See you on the train, _Jamie_." She gave James a hug and a quick peck on the cheek, then gave Sirius a friendly wave before seeking out the other girl. Sirius shivered.

"That's the girl who shagged Peter, isn't it? Marlene?"

"Er—yeah."

"I still don't get it. I can't believe it." Sirius and James exchanged matching looks. Neither of them had dared approach Peter about it—as long as they didn't, they could pretend it wasn't true. They had come to this decision by a silent agreement.

"Poor Remmy." Sirius sighed, "All alone on Christmas."

"You did _not_ just call him Remmy."

"Why not? I call you Jamie. Which apparently turns your girlfriend on."

"You have no _idea_ what turns my girlfriend on." James said, blushing. It just sounded odd to him to be discussing such a thing, especially with Sirius.

"Like you do?"

"Look, can we not talk about this?"

"Well, Jimmy, what would you like to talk about?" Sirius's voice was mockingly interested, as though anything that James said would be brilliant.

"How about you and Lily?"

"Pish posh. Our love is deep and complicated, and at the same so very simple that it's—"

"Stuff it." They both climbed into their carriage. "One minute you're calling her Yoko, the next you're going on about how she ought to be pregnant by now." It was something that James had wondered for a while. He didn't really understand what Sirius's motives were, which confused him because Sirius was like a part of him, his brother. It bothered him, but from Sirius's expression, he was the only one who was concerned. Sirius laughed and said,

"Are you upset because she called you uncivil? I think that's what it is."

"I don't give a rat's arse if she calls me uncivil."

"McKinnon likes rat's arses."

"Sirius, shut up!" James said, kicking him, "D'you have to be so disgusting?"

"Not my fault. _They're_ the disgusting ones."

"Whatever. Do you like Lily or not?"

"What is this like Lily business? What does it matter if I like her? _You're_ the one who has to deal with her."

"I have to deal with you too."

"Fat lot of good you do. All you do is talk about _her._"

"Sirius, you're not—you're not jealous, are you?" It sounded so stupid that it was exactly the sort of thing Sirius would do. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"God, James, I'm not in love with you!" Though he looked flippant, something in his voice was annoyed, as though he was frustrated that James couldn't figure out what the real reason for his resentment was. This in turn made James frustrated.

"Then stop acting like a jealous girlfriend, eh?"

James could see that this had been the wrong thing to say. Sirius's eyes flashed, and he said darkly,

"You bastard, you think you're so bloody special that I'd be jealous that you got a girlfriend?"

"You don't—holy hell, you don't _fancy_ Lily, do you?" It was the first time that James had seriously considered it, and it caused all the muscles in his body to clench. If Sirius said yes, his world would shatter. He just wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Hell, no!" Sirius said loudly, and James let out a sigh he hadn't known he'd been holding.

"Well, then—" But James never got to finish his sentence, because at that moment they reached the train station.

"Mate, I don't fancy your girlfriend." Sirius reassured him more nicely, as though the carriage's stop had sent a jolt of kindness through him, "I don't want to see you hurt when you realize she's not all sunshine and unicorns, is all."

"I don't think she's sunshine and unicorns." James said, frowning. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Whatever you say, Jim. Oh, God." Sirius had carelessly glance out the window and was now staring out through the glass transfixed. James followed his gaze and recoiled. Marlene and Peter were snogging, and it looked extremely uncomfortable, perhaps because she was at least three inches taller than him.

"Enough is enough." Sirius muttered, "I'm saying something. Are you coming?"

"Yeah, sure." James didn't want to say _anything_. He just wanted them to _stop_. He clambered out of the carriage after Sirius and trailed after him.

"Oy! Wormtail!"

Peter hastily broke away from Marlene, turning red.

"Oh. Hi, Sirius." He looked nervous, and James noticed that Marlene was now stroking his hand comfortingly, as though she knew what he was in for and hoped to make it easier for him.

"Oh. Hi, Peter." Sirius mimicked, glaring, "When exactly did you intend to tell us you'd gotten yourself a shagging mate?"

James thought this was harsh, especially since Marlene was standing right there. He was about to say something, and Peter looked like he was going to as well, but it was Marlene herself who spoke up first.

"Excuse me?" she asked, "Where do you get off, calling me a shagging mate? Last time I checked, you were shagging fifth years."

James felt his jaw drop, and he could have sworn almost everyone who was watching did the same. Marlene had always seemed shy and meek, even by her best friend Hestia's account. Now, however, she looked extremely intimidating.

"I—I—" Sirius was clearly surprised as well, and Marlene continued before he could gather his thoughts.

"I'm tired of you picking on Peter." She said, "You're terrible to him, and he always puts up with it because he thinks you're his friends. You're the most terrible friends I've ever heard of! Who in their right minds talks to someone like you talk to Peter?"

James was surprised that she referred to 'friends' instead of 'friend'—surely she was only talking about Sirius? But then she rounded on James, and he knew he was in for it.

"I'm especially surprised at you, James." She said, "You're always so nice to me, and you're wonderful to Lily. But as a friend to Peter, you're just pathetic. If I were you, I'd dump this loser and gain a spine." She pointed at Sirius to show who she meant when she said 'this loser'. At this point, Peter grabbed her hand and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and, after a contemptuous look at both of them, she turned on her heel and trailed behind Peter.

"I—what the _hell._" Sirius sputtered. James could tell by his expression that he was conflicted, wrought with anger and guilt and surprise all at once. He felt something similar, but he couldn't help thinking that perhaps she was right. He felt someone take his hand, and he looked down at Lily.

"Did you hear what she said?" he asked her.

"Yes, and I'm not going to say a word about it."

James nodded, feeling even guiltier. He took the hand that Lily casually held out to him and looked at Sirius. Sirius still looked shocked, but he numbly walked alongside them. Finally, once they had found an empty compartment, he said,

"Sort of funny how Peter's girlfriend has to stand up for him, isn't it? I mean, where does she get off, saying—"

"But it's not funny." Lily said matter-of-factly, "She's only saying what Peter's been saying to her for weeks."

Sirius looked pissed, but he didn't say anything else.

Whenthe train pulled into the station, Sirius stood up.

"Come on." He said heavily, "Let's fetch Wormtail and his spokeswoman, shall we?"

James watched Sirius wearily, but he stood up, Lily following suit. They found Peter and Marlene, thankfully not in a compromising situation, and they headed toward the exit.

"James." Lily whispered, "Hold on a second."

James did, and Sirius, Peter, and Marlene were so immersed in themselves and their awkwardness that they didn't notice. James saw that Lily looked nervous, and since she had seemed almost at ease on the way to King's Cross Station, he was confused as to what could suddenly be bothering her. They went into Peter and Marlene's compartment, and he watched as she wrung her hands and looked up at him despairingly.

"What is it?" he asked. He, too, was feeling nervous—after all, in a few minutes he'd come face to face with his intended fiancée and his mother who he'd later openly defy in front of the whole wizarding world, or at least everyone in the wizarding world who kept up with gossip. Though he knew it was right and he was completely willing to do it, it was still nerve-wracking.

"Er—um." James didn't think he'd seen Lily so awkward in a long time. She reminded him of himself and how he often felt when he spoke to her, and he felt an outpouring of warmth toward her.

"If it's about my mum, it's alright, I—"

"No, it's not—well, it is, but—er—" Suddenly, her arms were around his neck and her lips pressed hastily to his. His eyes widened, and for a moment he couldn't move, as a curious nervous, excited sensation ran through his fingers and up through his arms, seizing control of his stomach. Her lips stayed firmly on his for a quick moment, and by the time his mind regained some function, she had pulled back, blushing.

"I just…" she smiled sheepishly at him and said, "I wanted my first kiss to happen before we were trying to…I didn't want our first kiss to be to spite your mum."

James's mind was a blur, and he couldn't think of anything to say. He opened his mouth and some words came out that didn't seem to him to make a logical sentence, but Lily nodded and put a hand on his face.

"I'm sorry." She said softly, "I should have asked you, or at least warned you that I was going to—goodness James, you aren't upset are you?"

"Upset?" James asked in a strangled voice. He blinked once, twice, then grasped her shoulders.

"Did you want to do that again?" he asked her. Her eyes widened.

"What?"

"Again. I was floundering about like an idiot and I want another shot at it."

She smiled, and he smiled back, and then she did it again. And James knew that this time, he wasn't floundering about at all.

* * *

Adele was beautiful and petite and could not speak a word of English. 

James stared, not quite sure what to do. He and Lily had reluctantly parted, both of them pointedly ignoring how his mother was glaring at them, and now he was stuck with a girl who had said "'Allo" then promptly shut her mouth.

"So how was school, Jimmy?" his mother said, as though he came home from it every day. He rolled his eyes and said churlishly,

"Fine."

Adele began to wring her hands awkwardly not unlike how Lily had a few minutes earlier, and James felt bad for her. He wasn't about to be nice to her—that would only encourage his mother—but he decided to try and save the brunt of his rudeness for his mother.

"Where's Sirius?" his mother asked, pulling out her wand in preparation for disapparating. Sirius was helping Lily get to his flat, which was in London, but James didn't want to mention Lily to his mother until she couldn't do anything about her coming to the Christmas Ball. So he said, nonchalantly,

"He's dropping some things off at his flat." He turned away from his mother and saw that Adele had turned a peculiar shade of red.

"Sirius?" she whispered confidentially to him when his mother had disapparated, "Il est tres beau!"

James didn't know much French, but he knew when someone liked Sirius more than him. For once, he couldn't have been happier about it.

* * *

Hey everyone! I apologize, but this website no longer allows review responses in chapters. So thank you very much, everyone who reviewed. You have no idea how much I love you guys. 

Actually, I wanted to let you all know that this is the last chapter of this story--or any story, for that matter--that I will post on this website. I will post elsewhere, don't worry--I'm just sick of their rudeness and the way they treat writers like they don't matter. So check my profile often, and soon I'll have more information about where this story's new home will be. Actually, if anyone has any suggestions of good websites, I'd absolutely love to hear them!


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